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Baby showers

(10 Posts)
fawkes182 Sun 29-Nov-15 17:23:19

First off bit of a rant.. I was asked by a friend if I wanted a baby shower.. now my first son is 9 and baby showers didn't exist over here so I've never had one. I went to one a couple years ago and it was cringe.. it was awkward as I felt I was at someone else's family party, it was all women and we played these awful cringey games. I've never been to another one as my sister in law didn't want one as she like me didn't get it really lol! So my friend asked if I wanted one.. I said yes and no I'd like to see my friends and have some sort of gathering as it's always nice to have friends arrange something for you I've never had it done before neve rhad a surprise party nothing so part of me wanted a little fuss not gonna lie but I said to her I don't really get the whole baby shower thing and I don't feel fully comfortable. So she asked what I would like and said it's your baby shower you tell me, I said either maybe we all go out for lunch or dinner or maybe just a gathering of friends put on some sort of buffet and just kinda have a get together? I suffer with anxiety so games and being center of attention is something I do in small doses and i'm not a fan of baby shower games at all. She ok. Anyway months go by and i'm a couple weeks from being due and thinking when's this baby shower? Another friend of mine messaged my mum asking what's going on and was anything planned? My mum had no clue so I spoke to the friend n said apprently this other person was doing something.. but everytime I mentioned them they kinda avoided the subject so I had a feeling this person decided not to do it and didn't tell anyone and now my group of friends where panicking trying to sort something out. So I said tbh shall we do what we did with my son and just have a little get together/party after the baby's born that way you can all see him all in one go and I can have cheeky glass of wine and tbh it makes more sense to me than a baby shower as surely you wanna see the baby. So this friend said sure thing we will do that instead. Fast forward a week and mention this to another friend saying I'm guessing this person couldn't bothered anymore how lovely! And the friend told me that this person didn't like my ideas or how I wanted a baby shower... this person wanted to do games n stuff and I said no and decided not to bother organising anything cos it wasn't what they wanted!?! But evidently didn't tell anyone till it was too late. AIBU to be annoyed?? I haven't said anything to this person as I feel my group where trying to cover up their mistake so as not to cause an argument and tbh I don't get baby showers.. I prefer the idea of having a little party afterwards kinda thing I get fuss but the baby gets most fuss so my anxiety doesn't play up etc so I'm happy with the outcome but im really annoyed and frankly quite hurt. Baby showers seem to be the thing now and altho I don't get it lol I feel like this person has decided I can't have one cos I didn't want it their way?? Xxxx p.s what are ppls view on baby showers anyway?? My mum thinks their stupid lol they seem like something you do on your last day of work not with family n friends x

meditrina Sun 29-Nov-15 17:39:14

The only key bit of a baby shower is that you 'shower' the honouree with gifts.

The actual style of gathering is entirely what the host thinks (or knows) the honouree would like.

It sounds as if your potential host didn't grasp that.

Having a party that isn't a shower (ie no gifts) is also fine. As is waiting until after the baby is born.

jcoleville Sun 29-Nov-15 17:44:17

So you had baby showers and don't get them and yet seemed to want one?

The person should have said that they weren't going to organise it though.

It's not really that late as I'm guessing you're still pregnant?

So you either all go out for dinner one night now ... or wait until the baby is born.

EatDessertFirst Sun 29-Nov-15 17:54:08

I think you have had a lucky escape. Baby showers are tacky, grabby, cringeworthy affairs that can stay on t'other side of world as far as I'm concerned.

A get together after baby is born sounds much better.

Sallyingforth Sun 29-Nov-15 19:18:52

Just another mercenary US custom that should stay there.

GabiSolis Sun 29-Nov-15 19:23:32

Awful tacky horrible things (baby showers, not babies!).

That said, your friend was rude so YANBU to be annoyed about that specific situation.

Unreasonablebetty Sun 29-Nov-15 19:26:42

I would want a baby shower if I ever had another baby,
I had my daughter when I was just 17, and we didn't do a baby shower cos I was quite embarassed being pregnant so young...
Since trying for DC 2- it's been just shy of 7 year journey.
In that time I've struggled to conceive and then had miscarriages. I'd of course want to celebrate if I got to the point where I was having another baby.
It wouldn't be for gifts though, that would be when people knew we were expecting... By I would want all the party games.

Unreasonablebetty Sun 29-Nov-15 19:26:27

*but not by.

fawkes182 Sun 29-Nov-15 20:49:30

I'm literally due the end of this week, yeah sorry if I don't make much sense.. I'm not fussed about having one and never really thought about it as I don't really get them as I said I had a party after my son was born n ppl came to see him which made sense to me.. they gave gifts if they had any saw me and I got it all over with in one day instead of over 2 weeks lol and it was nice to feel human again. I never thought of having a baby shower as I went to one and hated it and honestly didn't see the point. But when this particular friend said they would organise me one I was more happy that I was thought of.. as I I've never had a surprise party or anything organised for me before cos I was touched and thought how lovely to be thought of. But apprently what I wanted wasn't good enough lol! But after speaking to my friend about doing something after the baby was born I'm alot happier and it suits my personality much more so I'm not gonna lie the outcome is much better and i'm happier but im hurt by her actions I think.. esp seeing as she nearly dragged all my other friends down with her. Silly I know it all sounds so very pathetic and childish lol xxx

fawkes182 Sun 29-Nov-15 20:51:58

Also I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't see the point of baby showers... surely seeing you after is better as surely you wanna see the baby? There's so much pressure now to do things in a particular way and baby showers seem to be the new must do thing?? Xxx

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