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child maintenance

(14 Posts)
FrustratedStepMum Fri 27-Nov-15 23:05:39

My DH child lives with us, and he has an older DC who lives with exw and has basically cut all ties with us. Exw does not have any contact whatsoever with the child who lives with us, I do everything for DSC.
Anyways older child is in employment now, but DSC is still at school. AIBU to put a child maintenance claim in? The ex is just a horrible person and I can't help thinking that just because she has abandoned her child
That she shouldn't have to pay maintenance? I will be honest and I hold a serious grudge against this woman, purely for the way she has treated DSC. But myself and DH have spent years fighting the csa and eventually winning the case because we had shared care and proof of money handed over for years. She lied to them and told them the kids stayed 'three times a year if that' which I fully disproved. But I do feel a little resentful that we had all that grief for so long yet now she seems to get away Scot free. Not even so much as a birthday card for DSC. More infuriating that we only had to deal with the csa because she was committing benefit fraud for SEVEN YEARS which has only come to light recently because of her disloyal family members - but now I've looked into it i have discovered it's true (electoral roll for years after moving in with fiancé, csa actually saying how long she was a 'single parent' for - which was a definite slip up, and in all honesty I think they advised her to back off the last time she rang them)
I love my DSC and would work all the hours God sends for her - but I can't help feeling the horrible bitch should be held accountable in some way for her actions confused

FrustratedStepMum Fri 27-Nov-15 23:07:14

Would like to add there have been times when we have really struggled the past couple of years, and she had the cheek to slag us off for claiming the child benefit for DSC angry plastered it all over FB BUT told people we were actually claiming csa not child benefit lying twisted fucker

CalleighDoodle Fri 27-Nov-15 23:12:49

Why wouldnt your husband claim maintanance? Seems perfectly reasonable. Did he pay for the child with her?

FrustratedStepMum Fri 27-Nov-15 23:17:51

Yes, unfortunately before I started logging things he always just put the money in her hand. That's actually what he was doing the first time I ever saw her, she approached him on a night out demanding the kids needed shoes. Even though we had to buy stuff for them, she still demanded money then when it wasn't enough she phoned the csa (in a school holiday where I had them for TWO WEEKS) and lied about the regularity of stays. I just don't want to feel like I'm doing it for the wrong reasons IYSWIM, haven't claimed it so far really because the advisor said we each had one child and therefore it would probably even out, which is fine. However older child is now earning for themselves so I just don't see why she should get away with her appalling behaviour and not accept her responsibilities. I guarantee if the children's ages were opposite way round she would have been on the phone to child maintenance the second she found out about the job. I intend on DSC staying in education for as long as possible and I don't see why I should struggle because she's made our lives fucking hell. confused

NeedsAsockamnesty Fri 27-Nov-15 23:18:43


You don't have to be living alone to claim CSA/CMS.

The child lives with you why wouldn't you claim CM

NeedsAsockamnesty Fri 27-Nov-15 23:21:51

But you are being massively UR to do it out of spite. Do it but do it because a child has a right to be financially supported by both parents.

Once you change your mindset you may find the decision easier to make and less stressful

FrustratedStepMum Fri 27-Nov-15 23:24:26

I have thought long and hard about it And sorry to drip feed but my DH lost his job directly because of her (massive long complicated story) but my DH has put up with his kids all their lives being told he 'never gives them fuck all' and 'if he loved you he would give me X amount of money per month' and it's got to a point now where I think given the circumstances then it's not going to make much difference to an already rocked boat

FrustratedStepMum Fri 27-Nov-15 23:38:45

CalleighDoodle claiming maintenance in the past would have been the cherry on top of a disastrous fuck up of a cake

Unreasonablebetty Fri 27-Nov-15 23:49:28

I've been in a similar situation, Dds bio dad is a right piece of work, didn't pay child support until she was 3 years old, finally paid for a few months at £25 per month when he was earning £1400 a month, kept missing payments so I went to the Csa and they said he should pay £287 per month. Which he jacked his job in so he didn't have to pay, wouldn't pay out of his benefits, they took an attachment of earnings or whatever it's called for four months then he moved, and as he wasn't paying he stopped seeing Dd (he chose not to)

Now I ended up closing the claim because he eventually owed me quite a lot of money, We are talking over £3000 in arrears, which is a lot considering he's only ever paid about £100 towards her-because I knew that he would come back like the bad smell he is.

What chance do you have of her turning up and trying to get dad to go live back with her instead of paying towards her upkeep?

What are the chances that she will even pay it?

If her trying to manipulate dsd to go back to live with her so she doesn't have to pay isn't likely then it's a great idea, good luck

FrustratedStepMum Fri 27-Nov-15 23:56:28

She has convinced herself and everyone around her that DSC has abandoned her, instead of the other way around. I am in limbo tbh because I want to provide as much as possible for my step child because as far as I am concerned I have two kids - just one bio. I suppose it's something I have to think a lot longer and harder about - although she doesn't know where we live now (we moved to a new area - DSC was well on board and still is) bio mum not wanting to know played a big part in wanting fresh start

FrustratedStepMum Fri 27-Nov-15 23:58:19

She has a fairly secure job and her payslips will technically come from the local council so she couldn't avoid an attachment of earnings order, I have no worries whatsoever about her jacking her job in - it plays a massive part in her Mother Earth act

Mmmmcake123 Fri 27-Nov-15 23:58:37

Is she financially able to contribute? If so, go for it. If not, more hassle than it's worth. Not right, but will just annoy you even more. I suppose you would be able to officially tell people how shit she is, but is it worth the effort? Maybe it is.....
Would it upset children tho, you could come out looking worse if she's super conniving.

Mmmmcake123 Sat 28-Nov-15 00:02:33

We posted at the same time! If it won't cause too much upset bring mother earth down. Good luck!!!!

FrustratedStepMum Sat 28-Nov-15 00:07:55

She always kicked up a fuss about how we couldn't afford what the kids 'needed' ie designer gear, latest gadgets etc and then I find out that she was claiming as a single parent for a disgusting amount of years, whilst living with her fairly well off partner AND not declaring the cash my husband gave her (and he went along with it for so long because if e didn't she denied access to his kids) nasty horrible women it really fucks me off how they use their kids as pawns

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