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To be a bit fed up at the prospect of Christmas now?

(19 Posts)
Pyjamaramadrama Fri 27-Nov-15 13:21:24

This year we'd planned to go to in laws, we've never done this before but they are great hosts and it's the baby's first Christmas so was really looking forward to a nice day.

Have since found out that their friends are joining us. They are nice enough but they are really loud. The bloke is quite gobby and opinionated and gets really drunk.

Usually mil does the cooking and she seems happy to do this but dh and fil chip in and offer a hand and at least bring food out and clear up, I do too of course.

I've noticed though that when this other couple are there the women seem to run around and the men happily sit back getting drunk and being loud. My usually equally involved dh seems to go into caveman mode and act oblivious to the baby getting tired or hungry, older ds getting bored and getting silly and leaves it all to me. We will struggle get the baby to sleep because it will be so loud.

We also cosleep with the baby so dh usually only has one beer but they all like a drink so will be chucking the drinks at dh. He doesn't get drunk or act a twat but it just irritates me that I will be the designated driver as usual.

SolitudeSometimesIs Fri 27-Nov-15 13:38:07

Can you change your mind and just stay home? I'd rather do that than be simmering with rage.

Topseyt Fri 27-Nov-15 13:39:23

I wouldn't be driving. I learned long ago to knock that one on the head, or you just get taken advantage of time and time again.

I used to tell DH that either we stayed the night, or we didn't go, or he drove. That was how fed up of it I got.

To be honest, that sounds like my idea of hell, with drunken behaviour going on around me like that.

Pyjamaramadrama Fri 27-Nov-15 13:43:07

We could not go but I don't think I'll do that as they're really looking forward to it. They go all out on gifts and special touches for the dc it just wouldn't be fair.

I could say to dh, I'm not driving, I might, but his logic is I don't drink anyway so what's the problem.

My logic is my not drinking isn't an excuse for him to go all out knowing we might be cosleeping that night.

Topseyt Fri 27-Nov-15 13:43:49

Other option was to stay in a local hotel or B & B. We did that once or twice if really necessary due to family events dictating.

HackerFucker22 Fri 27-Nov-15 13:49:51

He drinks then he sleeps on the sofa!!

Pyjamaramadrama Fri 27-Nov-15 13:52:03

Dh us perfectly capable of looking after the dc but if he gets chatting he will zone out. I don't mind up to a point and I'm able to say dh will you do this nappy, will you take ds upstairs and he will but I get so irritated that I have to point out that the baby is tired.

He's not like that at home.

Pyjamaramadrama Fri 27-Nov-15 13:53:40

Yes true Hacker.

girlywhirly Fri 27-Nov-15 15:51:13

Is there any chance that MIL might ask the friends to rein in getting drunk while your dc are there? Because if the guy gets gobby and opinionated with drink inside him it really spoils it for everyone, not to mention all the guys sitting on their bums not noticing that they should be helping.

Pyjamaramadrama Fri 27-Nov-15 16:00:56

There's no way she'd say anything. Mil wouldn't say boo to a goose plus she likes a drink herself but mil and fil are quiet you'd never know they'd had a drink.

They know the friends are attention suckers and that the bloke can be antagonistic but they'd never say anything. Neither have ever said a cross word to me I just can't bear drunken loudness.

With the women running round after the men it's just their way. Fil winds mil up about how she hasn't cleaned properly and stuff but they're just traditional and they're happy. At least when it's just me, dh and in laws everyone chips in a lot more.

XiCi Fri 27-Nov-15 16:08:11

If you don't drink I think it would be childish to say you aren't driving. It's Christmas day so I think you should accept that most people will enjoy a drink and probably seem really loud if you are stone cold sober! If you are worried about cosleeping maybe your dh could sleep on the spare bed if he has a few too many?

Pyjamaramadrama Fri 27-Nov-15 16:07:48

Dh is a bit miffed too I think it's also I hardly know them had we known we'd have probably done Xmas at home.

Pyjamaramadrama Fri 27-Nov-15 16:10:04

We don't have a spare room unfortunately.

I just feel it's rather unfair that I will be left to do the childcare, be the driver and then deal with the baby at night too.

It's my Christmas as well.

girlywhirly Fri 27-Nov-15 16:32:18

Is there any way you can go for part of the day, and then leave, because if I thought it was going to get like you describe, I'd stay until after lunch and then take the DC and DH home. That way DH would have the opportunity to sober up before going to bed.

If not, you may have to get DH to say something if you don't want to go, along the lines of you both didn't know that their friends were going and that having the DC there would spoil their enjoyment, having to keep the noise down etc. You could say that if it's to be more of an adult party it might not be much fun for the DC.

You could suggest seeing them Christmas eve instead?

Chottie Fri 27-Nov-15 16:36:13

Perhaps your MiL felt obliged to invite these friends no-one else wanted to see them on Christmas Day

Could you have a chat to your DH and say that you want to enjoy the day too and ask him to rein in the drinking?

Pyjamaramadrama Fri 27-Nov-15 16:54:31

I don't think there's any possible way we can cancel now, yes I think they probably did feel obliged to invite these friends.

I'm honestly not the drink police but this bloke has been falling over, causing arguments drunk before from what I've seen. Even though dh, mil and fil drink they don't act drunk iyswim? Also this friend is the type to keep buying or pouring everyone drinks.

Dh has already joked that we won't stay long but I'll speak to him and just say I don't want to be looking after the dc on my own all day.

MrsCampbellBlack Fri 27-Nov-15 16:57:41

Just leave at 5pm to get home to do baby's bedtime and then you get a nice evening at home.

girlywhirly Fri 27-Nov-15 17:15:02

OP, I think you're right. And apart from the older DS being subjected to drunken adults, it must be very boring if he is getting little attention from his grandparents as well because the friends are dominating the day. Happy drunks are one thing, but that bloke sounds really unpleasant.

Pyjamaramadrama Fri 27-Nov-15 17:26:32

Girly I think that's just it, they dominate the day. They're not nasty but he especially can be a pain.

I've just mentioned it to dh and we've agreed we won't stay later than 5pm. He didn't know they were going either.

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