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OH complaining about ME buying MY kids clothes

(147 Posts)
MucusInMyPoo Thu 26-Nov-15 23:04:08

I have two teenage boys to a previous relationship. Been with OH about 4 years - lived together for two. We both work full time and earn decent wages. I also get maintanance monthly off their father and still get child benefit.
Issue is - OH gets a grump on everytime I buy my kids clothes. Last week he was complaining that my 16 year old had asked for a winter coat (which he does actually need!!) and now he's complaining that my youngest is asking for a few things. Youngest and I sorted his wardrobe out last weekend and it transpired that he had one decent pair of jeans, two t-shirts that he still wears and a couple of hoodies. That is not much for a 14 year old lad!! So I bought him a couple of tshirts that he'd asked for -£16 each and OH went off on one saying £16 is far too expensive for a T-shirt (for a teenager!!??) and I should have consulted him first and he doesn't approve of me buying him new clothes willy nilly etc. I explained that I do have to buy DS's clothes!! I'm their main carer!! He still wasn't happy and wants consulting about future purchases.
Thing is - his ex noted in their divorce papers thst she had to beg for money for the kids and it would depend on his mood as to whether he would give her it or not. He can't control me as easily as I earn my own money but it is still a flash of her statement isn't it!!
Another classic was him saying that if I can buy ds new tshirts - he can buy his ds a takeaway at the weekend ... As if that's the same thing!!

DoreenLethal Thu 26-Nov-15 23:06:15

Why are you with him? Nobody likes a tightwad.

RJnomore1 Thu 26-Nov-15 23:06:59

Yanbu but why can't he buy his ds a takeaway?

Is money tight?

stitchglitched Thu 26-Nov-15 23:06:53

Oh FGS haven't you dumped this guy yet? Your poor kids.

MucusInMyPoo Thu 26-Nov-15 23:07:58

He can RJ but the issue is he only wants to because I've bought ds clothes that he actually needs! It's like a revenge buy. Ridiculous.

FarelyKnuts Thu 26-Nov-15 23:07:35

Why does he need consulting on you spending your money to do anything at all? Regardless of whether it is buying the kids clothes or blowing it on chocolate and wine is that's what you want to do?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 26-Nov-15 23:07:35

OH .. I never consult DH on DC purchases!! They need clothes I buy them. It is shocking when you go through their wardrobes and see how little still fits.
Tell him its a NEED not a WANT... he wants a take away, but they need clothes.

EnthusiasmDisturbed Thu 26-Nov-15 23:08:13

history is repeating itself

you may earn your own money but he is trying to take control because that is his nature

HicDraconis Thu 26-Nov-15 23:12:08

Whatever you do, do not combine your finances with this man. He sounds like a financially abusive arsehole.

Of course you have to buy your sons' clothes! You don't need to discuss it with him either - you don't even need to tell him except in a passing chat moment ("oh, stopped off at X and bought DS some tops this morning, how did your day go?")

It is nothing like him spending his money buying his son a takeaway - one is necessity, one is treat. However, if he can afford it, no reason why he shouldn't treat his son to a takeaway either - but has absolutely no bearing on whether or not you've bought your children essential clothing!

I'd be questioning the relationship to be honest - at least the living together aspect. Particularly in view of his ex' comments, he's clearly not changed.

Gazelda Thu 26-Nov-15 23:12:17

He's controlling. is he like this in other ways towards your sons?

shutupandshop Thu 26-Nov-15 23:15:02

Dump and run.

reni2 Thu 26-Nov-15 23:16:41

Read this depressing thread and maybe tell him about a few of the posters' experiences with the more resentful sort of step-parent on there.

RJnomore1 Thu 26-Nov-15 23:18:43

Oh I get it! I thought there was a problem with him doing it.

He does not sound the most generous of spirit to be honest. What are his good points? I'd find someone who tried to tell me how to spend my money quite a turn off personally.

Nanny0gg Thu 26-Nov-15 23:19:04

What does he think child benefit and the money from their father should be spent on?

Morganly Thu 26-Nov-15 23:27:45

Ha, imagine if you had girls. £16 for a t shirt would be a drop in the ocean! He's wrong, you're right. Let him get his son his take away and you just carry on spending your own money how you choose. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY HOW YOU SPEND YOUR OWN MONEY.

ChristmasEvePJs Thu 26-Nov-15 23:31:59

I couldn't live like that tbh. DH never questions what I buy myself or the DC's, and I probably over indulge if I am honest.

lorelei9 Thu 26-Nov-15 23:32:35

Don't understand why he is commenting on how you spend your money, or why you listen.

GruntledOne Thu 26-Nov-15 23:32:58

I assume you've pointed out to him that this is precisely the sort of conduct his ex complained of and that it is just not acceptable? And that what you choose to do with maintenance and child benefit paid for your sons is 100% none of his business?

And would I be right in thinking that his response was either to strop or sulk rather than to acknowledge that you might have a point? If so I suspect you need to give him an ultimatum that he either grows up and behaves like a decent human being, or gets out.

TheBouquets Thu 26-Nov-15 23:36:19

I don't think he should be saying you cant buy your kids anything. If a child has grown out of their clothes they need more clothes.
It is not his business how you spend the child benefit and money received from the childrens' father. That money is for the children.
I sincerely hope that he does not plan to sit and eat the take away with his child in front of your children without buying enough take away for everyone or at least all the children.
I would and have off loaded a tight wad. Yet still he moans about my money. Tell him to shut up because sometimes they just don't get it

MummaB123 Thu 26-Nov-15 23:39:25

This is really sad. I hope he treats your sons well in other ways. It shouldn't even be a discussion. They need clothes, they get them. This isn't a third world country!

gamerchick Thu 26-Nov-15 23:44:46

Well he'll not agree with our setup then. My husband takes my youngest clothes shopping off his own back. I do the teens because well he's a teen and I know what he's into. He's their stepdad and my ex contributes fuck all.

Your bloke is behaving like a knob and you can quote me.

FrancesOldhamKelsey Thu 26-Nov-15 23:45:29

What would happen if you were made redundant OP? Or if you got sick? Suddenly you'd be in his ex wife's position. I'm not normally a kneejerk LTBer but this man would have to have all sorts of other good qualities if I were to stay with him.

MaidrinRua Thu 26-Nov-15 23:52:59

This guy sounds like an a-hole. YANBU....not at all!!!!

Pico2 Thu 26-Nov-15 23:55:54

Why are you with someone who you know was financially abusive to his ex?

findingmyfeet12 Thu 26-Nov-15 23:56:35

This is not normal behaviour. My dh couldn't care less what I bought and didn't buy - in fact I'd like him to take more of an interest.

Not buying your kids clothes is financial abuse.

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