We'd rather not have gifts, thankyou...

[Underbrella]

We've had requests for Christmas gift ideas for our children from some family members. We're not close to these people - not seen 1 set for 4years. We live a long way from them but they do visit our town regularly without showing an interest in visiting us (we find out from FB / other family after the event). When we travel to visit family they are never available to see us. No falling out, just never been close & when we have seen them in the past we have little to say to each other. I always send a message to thank for gifts but never get a response. Other family member has refused to see us over a comment made by my husband 18 months ago.

We have four children under 6 and they know of these relatives but have little or no memory of them. I have no great interest in building relationships with these parts of the family but don't want to appear rude by turning down gifts on behalf of the children and don't want to cause upset with other parts of the family. Part of me feels it's not my place but then I can imagine they feel they should buy (& we're an expensive do with 4 of them!) rather than want to buy and I'd rather they just didn't on that basis. I suggested the first set didn't buy last year and they just sent a card, which was fine but clearly I didn't get the message across that we wouldn't be offended if they didn't buy gifts.

AIBU in asking them not to bother? How can I do it kindly?

[Pollyputhtekettleon]

I think it would be rude to say don't bother when they have obviously decided they would like to send something. Maybe just say a little book each would be more than enough, thank you. Or 'please don't go to too much trouble as they get an awful lot at Christmas but some colouring in items for them to use together would be great'. Just keep the request practical and small.

[Topseyt]

I never get this sort of thing either, but then in my family we never bought for the wider family at all. Just our own children. Everyone else just got a Christmas card.

If they really are insistent on buying then suggest just something like a £5 book or Amazon voucher for each child. That way it isn't stupidly expensive. Add though, that whilst you appreciate the kindness, there is really no need if they don't feel able as the children get plenty at Christmas anyway.

Never really confident on how to phrase things like that though.

[londonrach]

Why not suggest a joint one present likea game like molopoly, game of life,pop up pirate etc as sounds like they want tobuy something.

[Underbrella]

Hmm, maybe we should suggest just something small then. They did suggest a board game so perhaps we'll go with that. I'm certain the offer is out of a sense of duty rather than actually caring and it just seems daft. If they can't be arsed the rest of the year then I'd rather they didn't bother.