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to worry about dd12's eating?

(11 Posts)
Handywoman Wed 25-Nov-15 18:58:51

All her life she's been in great health and always had a fantastic appetite. And I mean fantastic. Barely leaves any food on her plate ever and not fussy about what she eats.

Until the last month or so. Some days she eats only half what she used to.

She went to her dad's house last night as per new contact arrangement. She says she forgot to ask him to make a sandwich. He would not remember because he is a douchebag, so that stacks up.

So she says she stole some crisps from friends at lunch. And when she got home she ate crisps and a yogurt.

I was late home and she requested McDonalds. Only had half and declared herself full.

No noticeable body change to me (although I never really see her naked tbh). Developing normally and period not started but looks likely in the next year (she has proper boos/pubes).

Me and her dad been separated 2.5yrs. Her dad needlessly caused her some stress and upset last week. He has just moved in with his gf. Friendships and school work ok. Has never discussed dieting or calories.

But am uneasy about this. She's the quiet type, will never rock the boat and keeps her emotions all in. Still comes for cuddles sometimes though.

AIBU?? WWYD?

Handywoman Wed 25-Nov-15 18:59:29

boobs not boos

Gottagetmoving Wed 25-Nov-15 19:12:52

I went off eating for a few weeks before my periods started. I felt a bit sickly on and off. Perhaps it could just be that. If you are worried you need to talk to her. You don't have to mention the food thing, just ask if everything is ok because she doesn't seem herself.
It's only been a few weeks, so it may be temporary. Just keep an eye on her and encourage her to talk if anything is bothering her.

guajiraguantanamera Wed 25-Nov-15 19:19:20

My dsd is 12, nearly 13, and I have noticed that she has started to fill out slightly (she's still slim though!) and she has made a few daft comments about having a belly etc. I try not to make a fuss either way, ie. I don't say she has filled out, but at the same time I don't say "your not fat your skinny!" Etc I'm just trying to keep weight etc out of conversations for now. I haven't really noticed a change in her eating, she has always been a big picky with food since I have known her anyway.
Sorry this isn't really advice, just sounded a bit similar to dsd. I know girls entering puberty start to feel
Self conscious, I started puberty at 11 roughly and i hated my changing shape and started being a bit picky with food.
Unfortunately I ended up with an eating disorder after some silly relative made a comment about how I'd "put on the beef". I hadn't, id started puberty, but it really upset me and I started eating less and
Making myself sick for about 4/5 years.
Just be careful you don't make a big deal about her changing shape etc and I'm sure this faddy eating stage will pass.

guajiraguantanamera Wed 25-Nov-15 19:21:27

Btw I am not for a second suggesting your dd had any issues
With food, weight etc, just meant to point out that girls starting puberty can be quite sensitive to all the changes etc and just to make
Sure you reassure her and don't
Let anybody make comments about it etc

WinterIsNeverReallyComing Wed 25-Nov-15 19:25:37

As someone who developed an eating disorder at 13, I'd say please mention it to her. I often wish my parents had spoken up when they noticed I was eating differently and not passed it off as a phase. It is most likely nothing, but if it is something you really need to be talking about it ASAP. Just mention that you've noticed she's not eating as much, and ask if she's aware of it/why that might be. If she actually is purposefully eating less, her reaction will probably show it and you can take things from there.

WorraLiberty Wed 25-Nov-15 19:57:41

It's worth keeping an eye on her if she's off her food, but it might turn out to be just her appetite changing for a while.

I expect she would have made herself a sandwich if she thought she was going to eat one?

When you say she left 'half her Mcdonalds', what did she actually order?

I think I'd mostly be concerned about her stealing crisps tbh. Why did she do that?

lastqueenofscotland Wed 25-Nov-15 20:13:33

Worra I don't think she means actually stole. Just ate some of her friends?

When I was 13 or so I had an insatiable appetite, 2/3 bits of toast, a snack, a decent lunch (pasta salad with some fruit and a cake or biscuit), a snack on the way home, probably a bit of toast or 10 at home, dinner and pudding and picking at what I made for lunch the next day. It lasted 2/3 months during a growth spurt. Then when I stopped growing the appetite just wound down itself.

I've had ongoing eating disorders since I was 15 so unsure about confronting. How much is she actually eating at the moment?

VestalVirgin Wed 25-Nov-15 20:16:55

I think I'd mostly be concerned about her stealing crisps tbh. Why did she do that?

I read that as "eating from friend's plates", not as, you know, theft.

Maybe she's just stressed. I tend to eat less when I'm stressed and/or busy.

Keep an eye on her, and make sure she gets regular meals, I'd say.

How long has the new contact arrangement with her dad been in place? Does it coincide with her starting to eat less?

Handywoman Wed 25-Nov-15 21:09:15

She started to eat less before the new contact arrangement.

She didn't steal any crisps - just ate some of her friends' crisps.

Today she had: breakfast at stbxh's provided by stbxh's gf but I don't know what (certainly don't want to be examining the goings on there, want to be relaxed about it).

Few crisps at lunch

Packet of crisps

Yogurt

Half a quarter pounder w/cheese - less than half

Half a medium size portion fries

Before I went out to choir practice made dd2 (who hates McD's) some pasta and put a small portion in front of dd1. She picked at a few penne.

That's it. It's loads less then normal. I know she's tired and I feel she's a bit stressed. But she insists she's fine.

Gottagetmoving Thu 26-Nov-15 10:09:35

It doesn't sound like a healthy diet at all. Does she have the option of eating healthy meals apart from crisps and Yogurts and McDonalds?

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