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To be angry with dm

(11 Posts)
MushroomMama Wed 25-Nov-15 10:11:08

My dm is ill with a variety of issues and potentially cancer! She's very vague and down plays everything it's very stressful for everyone because no one knows whats going on.

Received a message saying she's crashed her car no one hurt except a broken fence and car. I kept asking what on earth happened and she kept side stepping it and ignoring it.

Turns out after much digging with other relatives she blacked out and it's not the first time either. I'm severely pissed off with her I keep thinking what if it was a mum with a pram walking by that fence or a child! She's still driving even though I begged her not too!

Not sure what todo really dh thinks I should dob her in for her own safety would I be a total bitch todo that?

Wineandrosesagain Wed 25-Nov-15 10:13:57

Nope, you wouldn't be a total bitch to do that - she could kill someone and/or herself. She needs to see a doctor re the blackouts too. Would she allow you to go with her?

bluebolt Wed 25-Nov-15 10:18:32

I had this once with DB, I took his car keys as I knew where he kept them as his wife and children wanted him to stop but did not want to be the bad guys. We had huge rows but he eventually went to the doctors. Our relationship never really recovered but prefer that than seeing someone killed that I could of prevented.

MushroomMama Wed 25-Nov-15 10:21:23

She's currently under the care of multiple doctors for her various issues. They reckon its anaemia but she's known to avoid meds and generally be a pita about that.

Can't go with her I'm afraid I live the other end of the country. I've urged her too and pointed out how dangerous she's being.

MushroomMama Wed 25-Nov-15 10:24:39

bluebolt I wish I could take her keys. I don't drive and walk my kids to school each day and it's been playing on my mind heavily thinking that could of been me. I'm so angry she's put everyone in this position.

bluebolt Wed 25-Nov-15 10:38:19

Have you got other family to back you up, if you can it can help when there is not one person is to blame. Give the ultimatum quit until your better or they will do it for her (which is more worse). I know you would not let your DCs in her car and the chances are she would not want to put your DCs in danger either. Other people's children should have the same security.

Junosmum Wed 25-Nov-15 10:37:58

Call the DVLA and report her - you wouldn't be unreasonable to do that, she is driving unsafely- you may need her surgery name so they can follow up.

As for the rest, to be honest it's up to her who she tells about her health issues - I never tell my family anything about mine (I've had 2 operations and am long term medication/ care of a specialist that they know nothing about).

Junosmum is right - call the DVLA.

In Glasgow, in recent years, we have had two tragedies caused by drivers, with a previous history of blackouts, collapsing at the wheel of their vehicles, and killing people.

BollocksToThat1 Wed 25-Nov-15 10:54:12

Your poor mum is probably terrified of loosing her independence and her health op. Totally understand your concerns but how awful for your mum.

Still I agree with you,your dm shouldn't be driving.

I would tell her you have to report her to DVLA and also email her GP surgery to inform them of the accident. Only yesterday on the radio it was reported that doctors were being told they had a duty to inform on patients who are unfit to drive.

It might help if you costed out what it costs her to run a car, so she could see that she'd be able to afford taxis instead - at least part of the time?

MushroomMama Wed 25-Nov-15 11:27:58

Thanks for your input guys I'm going to have a chat with step dad (they've split up but he's usually able to talk sense into her) and if that doesn't help il call Dvla.

There's a lot of back story with regards her health and other issues which is why I live far away. She makes her health very apparent by dropping vague hints that are extremely worrying (eg I have lumps they say it's very bad news and I'm bleeding internally they are calling the specialist. All out of the blue)

Any way she lives near a main line station with good bus links and her bf drives so it wouldn't be the end of the world.

What a mess! Thanks mn jury it always helps to have a neutral perspective.

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