Sibling fall out, stuck in middle, need a decision fast!!

(14 Posts)
ThePartyArtist Tue 24-Nov-15 23:02:41

Absolutely seething at latest sibling drama!

I posted a while ago about how I'm going to the city where my 2 sisters live for 24 hours and would like to see them both but they've had a massive fallout so I wasn't sure how to manage both:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/what_would_you_do/2487132-Sisters

Result was, I have arranged to stay with Dsis 1. I felt bad coming to their city and not telling Dsis 2 I was coming, so decided to arrange to see a few friends plus both sisters for a meal, in the hope they'd be diluted enough by the group to both be there without dramas.

Now, I have 2 friends who may be able to attend the meal, but they are both maybes. Which means there is a distinct possibility that it'll be just me and two sisters. Now Dsis 2 has learned that it may just be me and Dsis 1 coming she's accusing me of trying to engineer a make up between them. This was never my intention - rather I did it cos I felt bad only seeing one of them. To be honest I'd dread dinner with just the two of them.

Dsis 2 wants to just meet me for a drink before I have dinner with Dsis 1. On the face of it this is the sensible thing to do. But I feel absolutely seething that she's accused me of trying to engineer a make up between them. Dsis 1 has never reacted negatively to me attempting to see both of them together. However if my 2 friends attend, Dsis 2 will come to the meal. I'm worried there'll be a massive drama and am just so annoying that Dsis 2 has involved me in her dramas - it's so upsetting.

So what do I do? Tell Dsis 2 I won't see her for a drink, it's them together or nothing? Or see Dsis 2 for a drink then go for dinner with Dsis 1, giving out the message I'll pander to the fall out? Don't want a difficult time. Don't want to upset anyone. Really really upset.

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive Tue 24-Nov-15 23:08:15

I would do the drink with one and the meal with the other. No pandering required!

reni2 Tue 24-Nov-15 23:12:42

Are the friends maybes because a meal is a bigger commitment, financially, time, punctuality etc? Can you go for an early meal with DSis 2, then meet friends (hopefully) and DSis 1 for drinks afterwards? Can DSis 1 and 2 think of a friend each they can bring?

ThePartyArtist Tue 24-Nov-15 23:14:56

@reni2 - I don't think a meal with the friends is an issue, just waiting to hear back from them.

I'm so so so so annoyed about this! I know the totally logical thing is see Dsis2 for a drink for an hour then go off and see Dsis1 - i.e. the arrangement as it stands, but Dsis2 ducking out of the meal. My issue is I absolutely resent Dsis2 accusing me of engineering a meet up. Oh and if the friends are in she will come!

reni2 Tue 24-Nov-15 23:16:49

Then she should bring a fiend in case yours are out, if you suggest that you'll have proven this is not the aim?

ThePartyArtist Tue 24-Nov-15 23:18:53

Yes that could be a solution. But may complicate things - she tends to like dragging her friends into the dramas with Dsis 2. It is an interesting one to try though. I'm absolutely seething about this, was about to go to bed til I had her messages and now sitting here angrily typing and considering texting her to just leave it and not meet at all!!!

IguanaTail Tue 24-Nov-15 23:19:04

You can't change the way she thinks. All you can do is deny it. If she doesn't believe it then she doesn't believe it. Who cares? Plan 1 friends come - do meal
Plan 2 friends don't come - do drink and meal separately. DS2 is going to end up pissing off both sisters soon!

ThePartyArtist Tue 24-Nov-15 23:20:36

@Iguanatail - she may already be there!

reni2 Tue 24-Nov-15 23:22:24

Sounds like you need to hire a couple of bouncers grin

LeaLeander Tue 24-Nov-15 23:24:04

Next time I would just say "i will be at Bistro Louie at 7 p.m. if either of you care to join me for drinks and dinner" and stay out of the negotiations and drama.

WelliesTheyAreWonderful Tue 24-Nov-15 23:40:25

Definitely what LeaLeander said.

Italiangreyhound Wed 25-Nov-15 00:12:28

thepartyartist I think you should go for drin kwith one and meal with the other. i also think you are possibly the one here who is adding to the drama... My issue is I absolutely resent Dsis2 accusing me of engineering a meet up. So what, so what if your sis thinks this and you were not plannin it! you know the truth. And IMHO trying to engineer a reunion/meet up would be a potentially nice thing to do, and respecting their views would be a potentilly nice thing to do! Depending on what actually happens!

Imagine you did engineer a meet up, and they made up, nice thing!

Imagine you did engineer a meet up, and they had a massive further bust up, not so nice thing!

Imagine you didn't engineer a meet up and respected their views, and they made up anyway, nice thing!

Imagine you didn't engineer a meet up and respected their views and they never make up, maybe not interfering would be the wrong thing!

BUT you know what you were trying to do. You were just trying to see your sisters. Say that just once and then decide, meet them don't meet them, offer them separate meetings, they can bring their own friends or not as they like, or they can go to all the effort of travelling down/up to see you.

But you only need to get drawn into the drama if you allow it. So just don't.

Good luck.

Maryz Wed 25-Nov-15 00:50:08

We really need to know what the fall out was about so we can take sides

But you should stay out of it. Tell ds2 that you are eating at x o'clock at x restaurant; she can come or not as she wishes. End of story.

MerryMarigold Wed 25-Nov-15 01:19:50

Personally, I would have arranged this a bit more sensitively ie you are staying with dsis 1, so why not go for a meal with dsis 2 (on her own). It's very easy to see how she thinks you're engineering a reconciliation, so I am not sure why you're so annoyed that she thinks that! If you're not so defensive and angry about it, she may believe you in the long run but right now you sound waaaay defensive. You all 3 sound like hard work!

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