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to be so disappointed with myself

(10 Posts)
FlowersAndShit Tue 24-Nov-15 14:13:35

Simple things that I struggle to do, it's so frustrating. Woke up feeling that familiar feeling of despair. I needed to get milk and top up gas/elec at the corner shop. I was supposed to do it yesterday but I couldn't face it (have agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, ptsd, mild autism).

I got everything I needed but felt overwhelmed by everything - remembering everything I needed, giving the right money, being in the way. I went at lunchtime so it was busy with people buying sandwiches etc.

I feel like my brain is still trying to process everything even though i've been home 10 minutes, still trying to calm down.

I'm just so frustrated that such simple things are a huge struggle for me. I have terrible cognitive and sensory issues which I think are caused by my autism. I wish life was easier sad

FlowersAndShit Tue 24-Nov-15 14:17:31

I know I keept moaning but i'm just so fucking pissed off with the shitty hand i've been dealt with sad

Artistic Tue 24-Nov-15 14:23:28

Sorry to hear about your challenges. I have a few struggles myself and I marvel at people who are oblivious to problems such as mine. But then I look at those with even greater challenges and feel a bit ungrateful for complaining.

Just take one day at a time. And think about struggles that others have which may not be evident to you. thanks

HaydeeofMonteCristo Tue 24-Nov-15 14:26:40

Sorry to hear that , flowers.

Have some flowers even though it's not much help.

As pp has said, take it a day at a time and try not to be hard on yourself

GrimmauldPlace Tue 24-Nov-15 14:36:20

Sorry you're having such a hard time. Not much help to give but have some flowers and give yourself a pat on the back. You feel awful, it was extremely difficult for you. But you did it anyway! Be proud of yourself.

SoftBlocks Tue 24-Nov-15 14:42:37

It's easy to say but try to be kind to yourself. You are trying your hardest, and you did what you needed to do. I hope you have a better afternoon and evening. flowers

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Tue 24-Nov-15 15:20:57

Hang on, you " everything [you] needed..." even though you "...went at lunchtime so it was busy with people buying sandwiches etc..."

Which is frankly a situation that would discombobulate plenty of people who don't have to struggle with even one out of agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, ptsd, or mild autism, let alone all of them. I mean that. Lots of us hate all kinds of mundane things, and get anxious about them. With me, it's driving around massive roundabouts, going to the doctor, and any form of work socialising/networking (I cry when I get home, from the horror of it all). With DH it is school drop-off, packing to go on holiday and the kids having wee accidents.

You do have a lot of extra issues to contend with. And yet you are still doing the things you find difficult, recognising your feelings about that and doing what all sensible women do, having a moan about it on Mumsnet. In other words, you did well. Really well.

fuzzpig Tue 24-Nov-15 15:27:48


I was diagnosed with ASD myself a couple of weeks ago. What you've written could be written by me. It's so hard.

I wish I knew what to say to help, but I really, really empathise thanks

It's like being on another planet sometimes isn't it? Like we're aliens visiting earth. Doesn't mean we are wrong though, just different.


FlowersAndShit Tue 24-Nov-15 15:38:52

Thanks all for being so kind. I've calmed down a bit now.

Sequine Wed 25-Nov-15 11:00:20

Sorry you're struggling. Don't give up hope. It won't always be like this, you can make changes.

10years ago I was in the grip of agoraphobia, social anxiety, GAD, depression. Leaving the house was terrifying, I felt disconnected from everything and constantly on the edge of panic. Being in public I often felt so overwhelmed by the crowds, lights, noise etc I had a panic attack and rushed home. I was very isolated and unhappy. I was also in severe pain from endometriosis and on strong opiate painkillers half the month which didn't help.
I had counselling, CBT, tried many different meds, saw a psychiatrist, had life coaching and NLP. Taking a high dose of Pregabalin (prescribed by psychiatrist) helped control the anxiety and my CBT therapist set daily tasks that involved leaving the house. I confessed to friends what I was going through (after months of pushing them away) and they were very supportive. Several of them admitted to mild social anxiety themselves and bouts of depression and they rallied round to help. We went out and about and if I was too anxious to get out of the car they didn't force me. They took me shopping, on country walks, to events, out for meals etc until being in public felt normal again. Gradually I got my life back on track. I continued with the NLP for another 2years, finished uni, left my (nowX)H, got a job, then changed to a better job in a different city, re-married and now have an 11-week old baby (conceived naturally despite endometriosis and multiple ovarian cysts). I still have anxiety issues but they are fleeting and manageable, they don't stop me enjoying life or living fully. 10years ago I never imagined I'd be able to work or have a social life or leave the house without feeling panicky... I'm a different person now.

Flowers please get some professional help and ask your RL friends for support too. It doesn't have to be like this. You don't have to struggle. Medication, therapy, perseverance and the support of friends transformed my life.

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