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AIBU to say I won't go on this day out

(27 Posts)
HomewardBound84 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:34:25

My family has recently got back in contact with an estranged family member, this family member is now also legal guardian for my half sister who I have met once before.

The rest of my family (think brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews) want to meet up with half sister and family member over Christmas (so would I). We live in London step sister and her guardian live about 150 miles away but want to visit London to see the sights, Christmas lights etc.

Now here is the deal breaker for me, I have a 4 and 2 year old and the 2 year old hates being in her buggy and traveling (to the point that she's reduced me to tears with her screaming and the HV is now involved to help us get through her behaviour) she won't wear shoes, will sit on the floor and refuse to move when walking and going out at the moment is generally very difficult. A trip into central London a week before Christmas doesn't feel manageable for me and she would hate it, I also don't think my 4 year old would enjoy it that much. In order not to drip feed central London is my idea of hell too!

Ive told my family I won't be coming because of all these reasons and that I'll contact step sister to explain and try and arrange something else another time. My family are now making me feel very guilt by saying it's selfish of me not to go, it's only because I hate central London, we all have to do things we don't like, dd2 has to just deal with it etc.

Sound I just go despite the fact it will be extreamly stressful for me and my youngest or should I stand my ground with this one?

OurBlanche Tue 24-Nov-15 12:36:55

I suppose as all your family are going you haven't got anyone to look after both DCs for the day?

It does sounds as though you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Epilepsyhelp Tue 24-Nov-15 12:39:18

Child minder for the day?

HomewardBound84 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:40:44

No, no one to have children, husband will be a week into a new job and can't take time off in laws live about 2hrs away and fil is terminally ill and finds it hard having the children around for too long.
I want to go and I want to see step sister but I honestly think it would ruin the day dragging miserable screaming child around town

HermioneWeasley Tue 24-Nov-15 12:42:16

Could the kids' dad not have them for the day? It's a bit crap to live in London and refuse to meet up with family that have come 150 miles!

HomewardBound84 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:42:19

Sorry sound also add that finances are very very tight at the moment and I couldn't afford a babysitter for the day

GruntledOne Tue 24-Nov-15 12:42:22

Assuming there's no-one you can leave DD2 with, how about telling your family that if they think it's so easy maybe a couple of them could travel with you to help with the DC?

WorraLiberty Tue 24-Nov-15 12:44:19

I can see how stressful it might be, but if everyone was willing to chip in and help out, it might work.

If anything, because it's not really fair on your 4yr old to have to miss out due to the sibling's behaviour.

But ultimately it's up to you of course.

grumpysquash Tue 24-Nov-15 12:45:59

How about inviting them round for afternoon tea or something after they've finished in Central London? Then you can see them and DDs will be fine too.

TheWitTank Tue 24-Nov-15 12:53:43

Agree with grumpy -could you arrange to meet them after their London tour for tea/dinner/drinks? In the evening so your OH could cover looking after the children?

HomewardBound84 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:54:04

I think they would offer to help but there isn't much that can be done, she's very stubborn and I feel completely unable to deal with her behaviour at the moment (I've plenty of experience as I was a ta for children with behaviour problems as well as a nursery worker/manager for many years!) nothing seems to work with her she's just very unhappy when we are out.

I feel awful that they are going to travel all that way and that I live in the town they would be coming too and wouldn't meet them.

Arfarfanarf Tue 24-Nov-15 12:56:03

Cant they come to your house after sightseeing?

HomewardBound84 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:55:47

That's a brilliant idea! Thank you, this is why I love mumsnet. I'll see if they would like to come for dinner after as I'm sure they would be exhausted traipsing around London all day.

TheWitTank Tue 24-Nov-15 12:57:07

Hooray! Hope they say yes -have a great time!

GreenSand Tue 24-Nov-15 13:03:18

Great plan. My suggestion was going to be "I'm afraid we can't make the whole day, but would love to meet at somewhere easy to get to, and child friendly at 3pm for tea.

HeteronormativeHaybales Tue 24-Nov-15 13:10:07

I see your immediate problem is solved, but your 2yo's behaviour sounds quite unusual - is it a problem wherever you go, or more in busy environments? How about familiar spaces? Is it specifically the buggy - can she cope with the car? Have you tried a back carrier?

My first guess, without knowing any of that, would be that there is some kind of sensory overload going on. Are there any other behavioural or developmental concerns with her?

It must be very limiting for you and her sibling, and I hope you're able to get to the bottom of it and find strategies to help.

Artandco Tue 24-Nov-15 13:16:51

Can you put 2 year old in a back sling?that way no shoes or pram needed

We used a boba 4g up to 3 1/2 when needed. They are soft and small so not hiking style but haVe straps for feet

plantsitter Tue 24-Nov-15 13:18:32

If they won't do that, I would suggest one of the other family members meets you at your house and pushes the buggy and pretends to be dd2s mum when she screams.

HomewardBound84 Tue 24-Nov-15 13:21:45

It's been going on for a few months now, she hates anything that involves be strapped in buggy, car seat, high chair. She's generally OK in busy places and loves things like toddler groups which are usually very busy. It is pretty much a problem for any journey longer than 15 minutes and even then the only way I can stop the screaming is to let her play on my phone.
With regards to sensory problems she hates socks, shoes and nappies and constantly complains they hurt (I had her shoes check again in clarks this morning and they are fine). She also gags and throws up sometimes if she touches something like paint or cornflour.

Day to day I manage by doing things that are local and just a trying to juggle between letting her walk (often with no shoes on) and between having her in the buggy either screaming or playing on my phone. It's hard on her sister and I feel very bad for her, me and her dad try and do 1:1 things with her at the weekend but I am under no illusion that she misses out on even basic things like chatting on the bus after preschool

HomewardBound84 Tue 24-Nov-15 13:22:51

Can't use a sling, I slipped a disk in the summer and can't carry heavy weights.

diddl Tue 24-Nov-15 13:23:02

I think that you are absolutely doing the right think putting your daughters first.

In all honesty, it wouldn't have occurred to me to take young kids to this day out which is surely about the adults re-establishing contact?

If contact carries on, then sure think about them meeting the kids, butthe first time?

Hope that yourplans for a meet up later work out.

Artandco Tue 24-Nov-15 13:29:39

Have you tried softer shoes? Like the waterproof booties? She could wear in winter without getting cold and wet feet. They will get ruined quicker walking as no sole but should last a while beforehand and are ok price wise to just replace for a while

Look at ' waterproof booties'

PurpleTreeFrog Tue 24-Nov-15 13:39:22

I don't think anyone is being particularly unreasonable here.

If they're travelling 150 miles I wouldn't expect them to sacrifice their ideal day out (Christmassy London trip is glamorous and exciting for those of us who live outside of London!) but on the other hand I wouldn't expect you and your kids to suffer either! I like the previous suggestions of a compromise meet up for a shorter part of the day.

RideEmCowgirl Tue 24-Nov-15 14:01:23

A week before Christmas and London would be my idea of hell.

That is no place for children at such a busy time of year.

If they won't come to your's then so be it. I really don't think you are being unreasonable.

ipsos Tue 24-Nov-15 14:05:29

I wouldn't go either.

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