Advise me please I'm currently of work due to emotional stress I have children and a stressful job(3 Posts)
I had a lovely child minder but because I never had a proper job I lost her and have now succeeded in finding this job.
I'm stressed because pil are looking after children they did not want anyone else to have them , so I agreed for them to help recently mil overstepped a boundary it can not be said on here she will know it's me, but it was not on and not her job, and I said it to her kindly about it ,It ended badly to causing arguments between dp and I to me nearly leaving with our kids.
They have the kids now still but I'm ignored by one party and have the other talking to me but saying how wonderful my sil is and it makes me feel awkward, it has knocked my self confidence a lot , they put me down but have to my face but now behind my back its all so false.
They have previously tried to come on holiday with us without my permission it's been booked then I found out, after saying we want to a family also they don't come to the house or phone now since I said enough is enough, they try to tell me how to parent and interfere but I stood up for myself and dp realises how hard I'm trying to be a good mum, work full time run a house and take care of every one else, he does help etc.
It's really making me question if I should find alternate care but I don't want them to think I'm doing it in spite, I just don't need the stress tbh.
'They didn't want anyone else to have them'
They are YOUR children.
I know it's hard, I know all about toxic parents and how hard it is to stand up to them.
But you must.
Only when you wrestle back control over your life and your children will all the stress and anxiety magically melt away.
Put your foot down. Get a childminder. No they can't come on holiday. Yes they must listen to your rules re the kids.
Honestly there is no other way.
Who cares if they get angry and emotional and try to bully you? What's the worst that can happen? you don't see them anymore...?!
Your post comes across as really muddled and confused OP which is probably how you are feeling at the moment. break the issues down. don't spill them all out in one go, that's what induces stress.
your pil child mind and you don't like the way that they do it. there are choices. either you spell out what your red lines/rules are and expect them to abide with them, you suck it up because they are doing you a favour or you find an alternative. only you can decide the least worse option.
if it were me, I would keep family and child rearing well apart. it nearly always causes problems because of different views, boundaries etc. keep them where they are and look for a nice local child minder. when you have found one, tell them that is what you are doing, no need to say why, just that in your view as their mum this is the best thing for them and your pil can have the children at other times.
They interfere because they can. you have enabled them to do this by allowing them to look after your children. remove the children from their regular care and things should improve.
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