To rehome my dog(79 Posts)
Not really an AIBU as such I need the traffic and blunt honesty.Sorry for length.
My dog is a husky /collie chow/collie nobody is really sure. We rescued him before I had my ds. .He is ok with a select few dogs.He is a very nervous dog. When we rescued him the owner lied and said his behaviour was better than it is we were told he lived with five other dogs and no cats. We have since found an old re homing add about our dog which has completely different information to this.
He shows signs of being abused flinches away bolts when I move the newspaper or the mop and is wary of strangers. He will bark and growl when they enter the house this got worse when ds was born.Once they come inside he is fine.
He has been around friends babies since we had him and has had no problems he is relaxed and shows no fear.He acts the same around ds 23 weeks.He has also been around toddlers in prams and has sat being stroked quite happily.The toddlers he met outside.
I have a six year old cousin who visited she came in and sat down with us and he growled and ran away and hid behind me, we went for a walk and he settled but when he met her again a few months later he did the same.
He seemed to be scared of her but she hadn't jumped by him or stroked him and she wasn't loud.He seems wary of her.
He has never been in close contact with another child because of this and I am to wary to do it again. He doesn't seem to mind children the same age on his walk.
I love him but my sons safety is first he has never shown any negativity towards my son and has only met one older child in the house but I am Has anybody got any experience of this?I think re homing is the best option but am worried nobody would have him.I don't know if it is just my cousin he is nervous of or other children but that is difficult to tell .
I just need advice really and a bit of a shake I think.
Sorry I have made an error in the last paragraph. I am just concerned about how he will be when ds is older.
It seems very extreme to rehome him on the basis of what you have said. He hasn't done anything wrong has he?
If he is nervous of children when they come to the house, could you not put him in another room or crate him (if he is used to a crate) in the same room to give him a chance to get used to them.
Have you actually enlisted the help of a good behaviourist before adding another upheaval to this poor things life?
It is a huge leap to assume he will be a danger to your DS, who he has known and lived with from from when he was born, just because he is nervous.
The dog has a few issues but I really don't see anything major here tbh. The dog needs gentle socialization but above that it needs lots of love and stability.
It's rare to find the "perfect" dog and if you're unable to work with your dog then maybe dogs aren't for you at all and yes, you would be better homing it with someone has has the time, patience and love for such dog.
I have patience and love for my dog he is amazing he just have a lot of issues that are a problem.The only one concerning me enough to rehome is the way he was around the family member.
He jumps and growls at other dogs on the walk and tries to bite them
tried a muzzle for weeks but he wouldn't settle. , he barks everytime someone passes the house and can only be walked when it is dark.I have spent a year training him cuddling him to sleep in my bed because he is scared of the wind.
I am not being flippant and just wanting to chuck him out I can't afford a behaviour expert long term as for his issues it is very expensive. I would love to keep him he will never go to a rescue centre. I don't want to rehome him I was just worried about the future with my son.
I am certain he wouldn't hurt ds now I am just worried about the future.
I imagine he's going to be difficult, bordering on impossible, to rehome.
I agree that he sounds like a dangerous dog to have with a toddler.
In my opinion, it is not unreasonable to have a dog put to sleep in this type of situation.
It is not worse to have a dog peacefully euthanased than to have them
a) bite a child seriously
b) both you and the dog live in a state of constant anxiousness (if indeed that is the case) or
c) be shuffled from pillar to post in rescue centres/ foster homes/ put to sleep after a long stint in kennels waiting for a home or adopted by someone who doesn't bother with them.
Of course it is possible that he will be adopted by a childless person who has acres for him to gallop and no cats and only other dogs with whom he clicks nicely, and who never moves a mop or a newspaper. But it's not likely.
You can talk to your local rescue centres, I guess.
You could consult with a behaviourist. They might be able to help but will not be able to change your dog's core personality.
But I would trust your own instinct when it comes to your child.
I will never put him in a rescue centre. He is part of the family I share your concerns about him being stuck in a kennel. I don't want him to go I just don't want my hope he will be fine with ds to over ride my rational thinking.He is great with cats we have three he is so gentle with them.
I want to keep him but it is hard to know what to do for the best. If he did have to be rehomed he would stay with us until a great big farm was found for him. He is a gentle sould he loves rabbits cats and sheep. He just hates dogs is terrified of everyone apart from me and is scared of children.
I think rehoming really should be a last resort here. Rehoming for a dog (particularly for intelligent and needy breeds such as huskies and collies) is a very stressful experience, which it sounds like he doesn't need.
I kind of get the impression that your dog has a reason to be wary of this cousin. Either because the cousin has done something and you've not realised or, more likely, he was abused by a female child.
I know quite a few dogs who have random aversions to particular age groups or genders because of a murky past.
An APBC behaviour consult costs around £200 including a written plan and 1-2 months of support- could you afford this? It would be covered by a reputable pet insurance
if it helps, my dog fliches and is terrified of mops, brooms etc. The hoover is totally terrifying! you would think she was regularly beaten with one, but we've had her since she was 12 weeks old and is the most spoiled, petted, adored, cuddled, doted on dog ever.
So your flinching might just be weird dog behaviour rather than signs of abuse?
I feel your pain OP. Our dog is a rescue collie-mix and I am about to have my first baby. She is skittish, highly strung and does not cope with anyone else in the house, even if she has met them before. We have to keep her on a lead and muzzle when we have visitors, although tbh we try not to have too many of those. She has face-butted my mum, OH's dad, two of our neighbours and these are all people she has met many times.
We have spent a fortune on behaviourists, classes, devices, special leads/harnesses but she remains afraid of everything and unpredictable in her responses.
I am really worried about how she will be around the baby. She is lovely, affectionate and sweet with OH and me, but the unpredictability scares me. OH would cope very badly with rehoming her...
Good luck with it. It's so difficult to know what the right thing to do is.
I'd recommend trying pet rescue remedy, doing a load of research on how to manage dog\child interactions to reduce risk of sonething bad happeninh and perhaps set up your home in a different way - does your dog have a safe place to run away to if scared \needs a break? That children can't access? I think the dog not getting on great with other dogs is not such a big issue, its how it gets on with humans that matters. Do you think the nerves could turn into a bite? Tbh it sounds like your dog needs to go to a quiet home without children, then hopefully it can begin to relax. You have an abused and therefore fearful dog who may bite out of fear. I know this must be awful, we had to do the same after our dog showed food aggression towards a child, it was really awful but it had to be done despite the heartbreak and it has been better for everyone. I think if you found a good rescue you could be reassured about it. Perhaps where you could foster until a lovely home is found? Do you keep it off your sofa? Apparently this is key to avoiding dog bites, also keep your child away when it has food or toys to be on safe side, other potentially fear-provoking situations. Good luck x
Joey I agree rehoming should be last resort. He had never met her before this and she hadn't shouted or rushed so it is likely from his past.
SunshineI could stretch to it just I will look into it thanks we have worked out a few training sessions a month into our budget tonight
Ernest We thought that at first but one day my friend rolled a newspaper to put away and he bolted plus we have been told things by people that knew his owner.
Mrscrim It is difficult,good luck I hope you find a solution. I played baby cries to my dog before ds was born.
April Our house isn't very small so he has plenty of space we have a cove under the stairs so I am thinking of making a den, I don't think so it has never gotten to that but that doesn't mean it won't"
Thank you for all the suggestions
Remember that your DS is not going to turn into a bigger child overnight, he's going to grow as part of your (and the dog's) family and be around every day. As long as you keep them well supervised and not left alone together until they have both learned how to behave around each other, I highly doubt you'll have any problems.
I would, however, give the dog a quiet den in a corner somewhere. And try to book a behaviourist if you can. Even just a coupe of sessions would help.
Honeyroar That is what I am hoping for I just think the stress of a baby and challenging dog has been overwhelming the past few days. I am going to make him one under the stairs.
I have taken in and homed a pet , and I have had another pet rehomed, for the safety of my child.
Rejoining that pet was an extremely difficult decision with much guilt. It was the right decision in our case. That pet went to a home whose situation was very different from ours.
I agree that your child's safety and your confidence in your child's safety comes first.
The anxiousness from the unpredictability will be a problem for both you and the dog.
Best of luck.
OP, how would you feel re-reading your post if, heaven forbid, something happened to your DS with the dog? Not out of malice, of course, but huskies/chows are nervous dogs and yours unfortunately has a history. I would rehome him - and then get a labrador or spaniel puppy so your DS learns the joys of having a dog without the stress.
Maybe the child who visited reminded the dog of someone in his past, perhaps a child who did tease/torment him? I would work on that relationship, meet outside and take him for walks together until he has lost that anxiousness around her.
I imagine that when your child is older, you would like to be able to have other children visit.
You'd have to be very, very sure of him to be able to do that.
Thank you Candy
I would feel awful Iona it is unthinkable. I want him to grow up with a dog , I just wish I could be confident in my dog.
It could be Moriartyshe doesn't visit a lot as we live far apart.
I would I would feel uncomfortable with d.p's nephews here Villainous I would never risk anybody elses child. He may be fine with my d.s as they grow up but being funny with children is still a problem.
I've had dogs for 30 yrs, including rescues and dogs that were anxious / aggressive around other dogs. The two that were anxious / aggressive around other dogs both turned into soppy, roll on their back, tail wagging idiots around small children. If that had not been the case, if they had shown the signs you report then I would not have rehomed them I would have had them pts as the kindest and safest option.
This is not a popular opinion among some of the MN dog owners, I know that, but any dog that is going to live as a family pet should, IMO, actively like children, not just tolerate them. Any sign of aggression or nerves around children is a huge red flag. Working dogs who are not family pets are a different matter, but they should be well trained enough to be under the owner's control and not mixing with small children on a regular basis.
We rehomed a dog after we had DS. He was always a nervous dog but he coped with baby DS but once he was walking it was too stressful having them in the same room. It meant the dog spent loads of time in the kitchen behind a dog gate because he couldn't relax in the same room as DS. We rehomed to a couple with a 16 year old and it really was for the best.
The dog never was aggressive with DS but he was so obviously scared of him that I was very worried that one day he'd snap because he was cornered.
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