I have never actually voiced this to anyone in real life, including DP, so please be kind to me... I'm thinking about this because Christmas is coming up and I dread seeing her for it...
DSis (25) and I have never really been close. We fought like cat and dog when we were younger and our lives have taken very different paths ever since. We don't really fight now, but we really only talk now if (a) we need to (i.e. granddad is ill so recently we have talked) or (b) I call her because I've had some snarky text or voicemail about not having spoken to her or DN (usually she uses DN) in ages. I don't want to speak to her more because I don't actually like her.
I guess the reasons I don't like her are:
- She is a massive drama queen - every tiny issue involves hysteria and stress and shouting. She's similar to my DM in that respect. A great example took place last week - my granddad fell and broke his hip - we live a couple of hours away and were therefore told by DF not to go to hospital for a bit as he was sedated anyway and DF and uncle were there and sufficient. I arranged to go this weekend as it seemed like close enough to show I care but not close enough to be a waste of a 2.5 hour drive. On the other hand, the minute she heard the same information, DSis was in fits of hysteria - crying, screaming and shouting at my DM on the phone, banging on about getting down there ASAP and getting DN there too just in case it was the last time etc. There was also a load of hysteria about whether she needed to take time off to care for him and how she was going to manage it (nobody asked her to do this and my DF and uncle are of course capable of handling this without her). She spent an hour on the phone telling me how she was going to get down there and get a doctor to sit down with her and give her all the info etc as they apparently did with my nan. It's exhausting. Every single thing, big or small, involves this level of hysteria and drama. Even the idea of my DM just moving house because she got a new job caused weeks or arguments, threats to go NC with DM and stop her seeing DN etc etc
Maybe I am too laid back though?
- She constantly puts me down. Every comment made about me is derogatory and personal, and even though I know I shouldn't let it get to me, it does. Halfway through a conversation, she'll drop in something like "you don't have any common sense though" (FYI - i am a lawyer in the city and i'm pretty intelligent) or "well i'm the caring one - you're hard nosed when it comes to family and you don't make as much effort" (I think I make the standard amount of effort actually, I just don't have a drama and hysterics every time something untoward happens). She also says things like "well you got the brains, I got the beauty" all the time. I'd love to tell you she's joking but I am 100% sure she's not. She's parroting something people said to me when I was a kid (she is blonde and blue eyed and v girly, I am brunette and went through a tomboy phase as a kid). I am also sick of hearing comments about how I don't have kids - when I was younger I wasn't interested in them. Now that I am older I do want kids, but she takes every opportunity to make comments about how "it's best that you don't want kids because you'd be too impatient and too intolerant to be a mother anyway". It makes me question my own ability or suitability.
Nobody else ever seems to notice - DP has never said anything and nor has DM or my nan, each of whom has witnessed a lot of it.
You cant say anything to her though without constant backlash. I have tried in the past and I've just given up trying because I am sick of hearing "you think youre so much better than me because of your job" etc etc. For the record I don't - I think i'm better than her because I don't put her down constantly.
Am I just BU? Other people (DP included) seem to get on so well with their siblings. Maybe I am, as DSis says, uncaring, hard nosed, ugly and lacking in common sense, and I need to just suck it up because she's family.