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To be annoyed that my friend is annoyed over my non attendance at her party

(83 Posts)
Daisysbear Mon 23-Nov-15 13:59:00

A friend of mine is celebrating a big birthday next month and is having a party on Boxing Day (big afternoon affair). As a family we traditionally get together on this day, have a nice meal and take the children to the local pantomime i. It's something we've done for years, ever since the older grandchildren (now in their twenties) were tiny. I don't want to miss it, particularly as my parents are getting older and I'm really conscious that our Christmasses together won't go on forever.
So I've turned down her invite and suggested I take her out for a meal in January instead. Apparently she's really annoyed with me and thinks I could miss our family tradition for one year.
AIBU to think, if you arrange a party for a day so close to Christmas, you have to expect that a lot of people will have family things they are obliged to, or would prefer to, attend?

BaronessSamedi Mon 23-Nov-15 14:00:48

she is being unreasonable.
she sounds like a drama queen too.

eddielizzard Mon 23-Nov-15 14:01:19


eddielizzard Mon 23-Nov-15 14:01:58


DisneyMillie Mon 23-Nov-15 14:01:42

Yanbu - I think a party on Boxing Day will mean a lot of people may not attend unfortunately. But you are perfectly fine to want to spend the day with your family.

Could you pop in after your family event?

Daisysbear Mon 23-Nov-15 14:03:47

The party's running from lunchtime until early evening, and then she's going out for a meal with her family. It's a drinks and canapé type thing. Unfortunately my family event is also lunch and afternoon, finishing up in the early evening.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 23-Nov-15 14:03:41

YANBU, She's being ridiculous. If she wanted everyone to be there she should have picked a more reasonable date. I'd retract the dinner invitation too. No need to make an effort if she can't.

MythicalKings Mon 23-Nov-15 14:04:59

YANBU. Selfish of her to try to arrange a party when most people will be with their families.

purplepandas Mon 23-Nov-15 14:06:50

YANBU. This is what happens if she plans a part on Boxing Day.

Cuppaand2biscuits Mon 23-Nov-15 14:09:28

It is rubbish having a Christmas birthday and feeling like it's all an afterthought but to plan a party for the lunchtime is very inconsiderate. Perhaps she would have had a better turn out if it was a drinks and nibbles in the evening affair then people could pop in for an hour or so.

motherinferior Mon 23-Nov-15 14:14:15

Why can't you leave early and go to hers too? If she matters to you, I think you should make the effort. Miss the panto or something.

Floggingmolly Mon 23-Nov-15 14:18:42

Why should she make the effort? Totally reasonable to not want to spend your family Christmas celebrating someone else's birthday.

LadyColinCampbell Mon 23-Nov-15 14:20:29

Motherinferior why should she? She has a prearranged family event, and would disappoint more people by altering that than by declining to go to a pretty unreasonably timed party.

Hatethis22 Mon 23-Nov-15 14:22:04

If you have a party on Boxing Day you must accept that lots of people will have other plans.

diddl Mon 23-Nov-15 14:22:52

I agree that she needs to accept thatBD will be a no for a lot of people, although she has given plenty of notice.

I think though that I would miss something that I did every year for one year for a friend.

Who has said that she is annoyed?

motherinferior Mon 23-Nov-15 14:36:30

Oh, because this is her friend, and friendships are important, and it's a big birthday. That kind of thing. But then I'm not keen on big family things anyway.

Daisysbear Mon 23-Nov-15 14:37:54

My sister heard that we was apparently very annoyed from a mutual friend. sad

MotherInferior, The pantomime on Boxing Day is a long standing tradition that I love, and treasure even more now that my parents are getting much older. I never organise anything else for Boxing Day. For me it is very much a family day.

battlebacktonewlife Mon 23-Nov-15 14:38:59


balletgirlmum Mon 23-Nov-15 14:39:13

For me, family comes first. Any friends who don't understand that are not true friends.

OP your family tradition sounds lovely.

Kr1stina Mon 23-Nov-15 14:41:06


If you want a big turn out at your event , you avoid public holidays in general and Christmas in particular

GruntledOne Mon 23-Nov-15 14:40:58

The thing is, though, that her birthday is a one off whereas you do the Boxing Day thing every year. Given that it's a weekend day anyway, can you swop the Boxing Day thing to the 27th just for this year? Would it really make any difference to you and your family?

motherinferior Mon 23-Nov-15 14:46:21

Ok, but just do bear in mind that for some people friends come just as high. You posted in AIBU, I said yes a bit, but everyone else has given you the reassurance you wanted so it's not really a problem, is it.

LagunaBubbles Mon 23-Nov-15 14:46:44

Oh, because this is her friend, and friendships are important, and it's a big birthday. That kind of thing. But then I'm not keen on big family things anyway

Of course friendships are important but lots of people are keen on "big family things". Family traditions and spending time with my family are the most important part of Christmas for me.

ghnocci Mon 23-Nov-15 14:48:17

Yanbu. Really daft of her to arrange it for Boxing Day if she wanted everybody to be able to go.

I have a Xmas birthday and one of the rubbish aspects of it is that other than family, people can rarely celebrate with you on the day itself. Seeings as its a big birthday she really should have worked that out by now!

LyndaNotLinda Mon 23-Nov-15 14:48:19

How ridiculous she's being! You have a prior commitment. It doesn't matter what it is - you're busy.

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