to think DLA should be spent on the child only?

[hotlinesling]

My 4 yo receives DLA and because it was backdated to when I applied I received £350 on Friday. I was planning to use it to buy her some things to make her a sensory area in her room. DH also got paid on Friday and usually transfers £350 'housekeeping' money to me as I'm a SAHM. However, he didn't transfer it and hasn't done so this morning either. I just got to the supermarket and called to ask why and he said I don't need it since I receive DLA now AIBU to think DLA is not for food or bills, but is for costs related to the person it's claimed for?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yanbu.

He's being a twat.

[Enjolrass]

Well dla is for the child. So anything the child needs. Could be argued that she needs food.

However, is being a dick. So he is £350 because she gets dla?

It should be spent on things she needs, but that doesn't mean everything will be exclusively for her, iyswim.

Mums just adds her dla into the household income and budgets from there.

But I would say Yanbu and he is a dick. Essentially it's made him better off.

[FishWithABicycle]

Yanbu your dh is being a dick. You need just as much house keeping now as you did before.

Nb make sure there is no food available for him until he coughs up.

Though DLA doesn't need to be spent solely on the child if the expenditure is benefitting them indirectly - eg some families might use DLA towards having a bigger family car if that is what is needed.

[BigGreenOlives]

So your child's father is giving up eating, living in a heated house, clean clothes etc? DLA is not given to a family so a man can spend more money on himself.

[LyndaNotLinda]

What Alis said

[mamas12]

O oh there's troublebrewing
So he thinks along the lines of his money and your money (dla) then and not family money?
Tell him he needs to transfer the money straight way
The dla is to make your dc life more comfortable and enable a more
Print off or send him the link re criteria to him and tell him to have a word with himself

[LegoRuinedMyFinances]

Your DH needs an ear bashing and reminding what it is for. Do make a sensory room for your DD, that sounds like an amazing idea. What would he do with the money that he was going to give to you? If its anything other than spend it on DD, then he needs to really consider what he is doing.

We use our DLA mainly for car insurance and petrol - but these costs are necessary for frequent (sometimes daily) trips to the hospital for my child.

[Jibberjabberjooo]

Your dh is being a dick.

[hotlinesling]

She only eats three foods so definitely not £350 worth!

No mention of what he's planning to do with the other £350...

[expatinscotland]

'DH also got paid on Friday and usually transfers £350 'housekeeping' money to me as I'm a SAHM. However, he didn't transfer it and hasn't done so this morning either. I just got to the supermarket and called to ask why and he said I don't need it since I receive DLA now '

This is your problem here. Your DH is a dick.

[LegoRuinedMyFinances]

Also OP, not sure of your working circumstances - but if you get middle rate DLA, you may now be able to apply for carers allowance, if you work under a certain number of hours/don't earn over £100 per week from any job you may do.

I know many mothers of children with disabilities who aren't able to work due to the commitments of the child, but most aren't told about carers allowance. It's not a huge amount but should be a little something extra for you if you meet the criteria :)

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

Jeez what an arse. YANBU. I would be forced to do childish retribution stunts on him until he paid. He would be served up something from dc's sensory area on a plate for dinner tonight.

[tabulahrasa]

Well I was going to say no, it's for raising the child's standard of living no matter how that happens to mean spending it because for some people it is used to supplement household income as it has to be.

But this isn't that, it's your DH being a dick and keeping family money for himself.

[Jibberjabberjooo]

Hang on, I remember your other threads. My point stands.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Does he have any good points?

[mummypig3]

Is he saying he's not going to give any housekeeping money now you are getting dla for your child? You need to have serious words with him

[MerryMarigold]

That's financial abuse. He needs to give you the same as always and you need to make sure you get it. Imo, you should have a joint account if you don't work. Totally unreasonable.

[GloGirl]

If he thinks you don't need 'housekeeping money' you don't need him.

Is he always difficult with finances?

[lalamumto3]

YANBU. As others have said it does not now replace housekeeping.

DLA is for the child and to help indirectly. It should be used to enhance your child's life, however the rest of the family can benefit indirectly. When we have had a particularly difficult time we have used it for a family outing with my daughters siblings, with them knowing that it was being paid for by our daughter.

It is worth trying to put some aside each month for one off treats , to replace things they may break (as a result of their disability) etc. Eg my daughter has chewed our children's head phones, dropped electronic items down the loo etc, not something a typical 15 year old would do.

It is really important to be clear about this now, as that money can make a huge difference to coping and staying happy if used correctly.

[AliceInUnderpants]

wtf? Is he planning on buying her all the additional things she needs out of his account then?

[Sirzy]

I came on ready to post that yabu and that it doesn't need to be spent on the child to the extent of knowing where every penny goes but having read your post yanbu and he is being a selfish idiot.

[LagunaBubbles]

Is there a history regarding money with him? Does he think of what you have to spend on the daughter you have together as your responsibility only??

I read these type of threads when people are in relationships, have children together etc and one partner is like this "my money" type thing, I genuinely dont get it. And I dont get how anyone could be happy being in a relationship with someone that acts like this.

[BaronessEllaSaturday]

Please take a serious look at your relationship and just what you get out of it. How much does your dH actually value you and appreciate you.