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to think DLA should be spent on the child only?

(101 Posts)
hotlinesling Mon 23-Nov-15 09:55:01

My 4 yo receives DLA and because it was backdated to when I applied I received £350 on Friday. I was planning to use it to buy her some things to make her a sensory area in her room. DH also got paid on Friday and usually transfers £350 'housekeeping' money to me as I'm a SAHM. However, he didn't transfer it and hasn't done so this morning either. I just got to the supermarket and called to ask why and he said I don't need it since I receive DLA now shock AIBU to think DLA is not for food or bills, but is for costs related to the person it's claimed for?

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 23-Nov-15 09:57:54

Yanbu.

He's being a twat.

Enjolrass Mon 23-Nov-15 09:58:17

Well dla is for the child. So anything the child needs. Could be argued that she needs food.

However, is being a dick. So he is £350 because she gets dla?

It should be spent on things she needs, but that doesn't mean everything will be exclusively for her, iyswim.

Mums just adds her dla into the household income and budgets from there.

But I would say Yanbu and he is a dick. Essentially it's made him better off.

FishWithABicycle Mon 23-Nov-15 09:58:21

Yanbu your dh is being a dick. You need just as much house keeping now as you did before.

Nb make sure there is no food available for him until he coughs up.

Though DLA doesn't need to be spent solely on the child if the expenditure is benefitting them indirectly - eg some families might use DLA towards having a bigger family car if that is what is needed.

BigGreenOlives Mon 23-Nov-15 10:01:18

So your child's father is giving up eating, living in a heated house, clean clothes etc? DLA is not given to a family so a man can spend more money on himself.

LyndaNotLinda Mon 23-Nov-15 10:02:11

What Alis said

mamas12 Mon 23-Nov-15 10:02:34

O oh there's troublebrewing
So he thinks along the lines of his money and your money (dla) then and not family money?
Tell him he needs to transfer the money straight way
The dla is to make your dc life more comfortable and enable a more
Print off or send him the link re criteria to him and tell him to have a word with himself

LegoRuinedMyFinances Mon 23-Nov-15 10:03:02

Your DH needs an ear bashing and reminding what it is for. Do make a sensory room for your DD, that sounds like an amazing idea. What would he do with the money that he was going to give to you? If its anything other than spend it on DD, then he needs to really consider what he is doing.

We use our DLA mainly for car insurance and petrol - but these costs are necessary for frequent (sometimes daily) trips to the hospital for my child.

Jibberjabberjooo Mon 23-Nov-15 10:03:41

Your dh is being a dick.

hotlinesling Mon 23-Nov-15 10:04:34

She only eats three foods so definitely not £350 worth!

No mention of what he's planning to do with the other £350...

LegoRuinedMyFinances Mon 23-Nov-15 10:05:02

Also OP, not sure of your working circumstances - but if you get middle rate DLA, you may now be able to apply for carers allowance, if you work under a certain number of hours/don't earn over £100 per week from any job you may do.

I know many mothers of children with disabilities who aren't able to work due to the commitments of the child, but most aren't told about carers allowance. It's not a huge amount but should be a little something extra for you if you meet the criteria smile

expatinscotland Mon 23-Nov-15 10:04:59

'DH also got paid on Friday and usually transfers £350 'housekeeping' money to me as I'm a SAHM. However, he didn't transfer it and hasn't done so this morning either. I just got to the supermarket and called to ask why and he said I don't need it since I receive DLA now '

This is your problem here. Your DH is a dick.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Mon 23-Nov-15 10:05:17

Jeez what an arse. YANBU. I would be forced to do childish retribution stunts on him until he paid. He would be served up something from dc's sensory area on a plate for dinner tonight.

tabulahrasa Mon 23-Nov-15 10:05:22

Well I was going to say no, it's for raising the child's standard of living no matter how that happens to mean spending it because for some people it is used to supplement household income as it has to be.

But this isn't that, it's your DH being a dick and keeping family money for himself.

Arfarfanarf Mon 23-Nov-15 10:05:24

it is for the additional costs associated with the person's disability.

Your daughter would need to eat whether she had a disability or not. So dla is not for that. (if she needed a special diet it may be for that) You would need to pay the gas bill regardless, so it's not for that. (if there were higher bills due to her needs it would be for that) If you need transport to hospital appointments, it covers that. If there is equipment to buy, it's for that. It's not for making your husband £350 a month better off at your daughter's expense.

In reality, it can be used however the people who get it choose to use it but your husband is a dick. He really controls the money to this extent?

so your daughter's needs cannot be met with the dla she receives in order to meet those needs because your husband views this as some sort of windfall that allows him to not contribute to family needs and means you feed the family with your daughter's dla instead of getting what your daughter needs?

I think you should have a serious chat with him. This level of controlling family money is not acceptable.

If you bought the equipment she needs, regardless, because that is what her money is for, what would he do?

Jibberjabberjooo Mon 23-Nov-15 10:06:23

Hang on, I remember your other threads. My point stands.

Chippednailvarnish Mon 23-Nov-15 10:06:33

Does he have any good points?

DixieNormas Mon 23-Nov-15 10:09:19

Your dh is being a dick.

Our dla should be through soon for ds4, dp is still going to be paying all bills/food etc as he always has.

We are fortunate that we can afford to live without the dla so will be spending it on things for ds4.

However I don't drive so I will probably use some of it, or the carers allowance on learning to drive and things for the other dc

mummypig3 Mon 23-Nov-15 10:10:28

Is he saying he's not going to give any housekeeping money now you are getting dla for your child? You need to have serious words with him

MerryMarigold Mon 23-Nov-15 10:11:42

That's financial abuse. He needs to give you the same as always and you need to make sure you get it. Imo, you should have a joint account if you don't work. Totally unreasonable.

GloGirl Mon 23-Nov-15 10:14:48

If he thinks you don't need 'housekeeping money' you don't need him.

Is he always difficult with finances?

lalamumto3 Mon 23-Nov-15 10:16:11

YANBU. As others have said it does not now replace housekeeping.

DLA is for the child and to help indirectly. It should be used to enhance your child's life, however the rest of the family can benefit indirectly. When we have had a particularly difficult time we have used it for a family outing with my daughters siblings, with them knowing that it was being paid for by our daughter.

It is worth trying to put some aside each month for one off treats , to replace things they may break (as a result of their disability) etc. Eg my daughter has chewed our children's head phones, dropped electronic items down the loo etc, not something a typical 15 year old would do.

It is really important to be clear about this now, as that money can make a huge difference to coping and staying happy if used correctly.

Sirzy Mon 23-Nov-15 10:16:45

I came on ready to post that yabu and that it doesn't need to be spent on the child to the extent of knowing where every penny goes but having read your post yanbu and he is being a selfish idiot.

AliceInUnderpants Mon 23-Nov-15 10:16:38

wtf? Is he planning on buying her all the additional things she needs out of his account then?

LagunaBubbles Mon 23-Nov-15 10:19:24

Is there a history regarding money with him? Does he think of what you have to spend on the daughter you have together as your responsibility only??

I read these type of threads when people are in relationships, have children together etc and one partner is like this "my money" type thing, I genuinely dont get it. And I dont get how anyone could be happy being in a relationship with someone that acts like this.

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