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to be sad my oldest friend didnt wish me happy birthday? poss fb related

(25 Posts)
TheBitchOfDestiny Mon 23-Nov-15 09:27:15

I have known her since we were little and we were "best friends" till we were late 20's, when we drifted apart a little bit and the last few years i noticed it was always me making the effort to meet etc. so I accepted things weren't the same and stopped bothering as much. but I still classed her as a good friend and would always have been there if she needed me. I still class(ed?) her as family, our dads are best friends and have been since they were kids

have also noticed she now never likes or comments on anything I put on FB, yet she is always on there and does with all her other friends. for example I had some really good news the other day (I have been offered a mortgage) so I posted about it on facebook, literally every one of my friends posted congrats or whatever or liked the status but her. I dunno poss was i a twat for doing that? I dunno. but have worked damn hard for this and been through some awful shit in my life to get to where I am and its not a mansion its a bloody 3 bed semi on a council estate.

anyway it was my birthday at the weekend and she didn't even wish me a happy birthday, (the last few years even when we weren't seeing much of eachother, we always text or facebooked eachother on birthdays) which I just take as a direct snub tbh that she didn't even fb me. its not like she wouldn't have known. and also she is one of these people always on there and she is never too busy to send me invitations to "like" her glittery shit sales page ....I have friends of friends who I have met once saying happy birthday and someone I class as family can't even be arsed.

I accept it if the friendship is over but just feel sad about it and not sure why ...and there is absolutely nothing I can do cos If I spoke to her about it I would look a right needy twat

KeepOnMoving1 Mon 23-Nov-15 09:31:37

Yanbu to feel hurt about it, a message costs nothing it's the thought that counts. Seems like she has distanced herself from you for some reason. If it's really bothering you, maybe just ask her if there's an issue that you aren't aware of?

VulcanWoman Mon 23-Nov-15 09:47:47

I think I'd have to send a message then I'd know once and for all, if she's got a problem, surly it's best to get it out in the open, with a friend anyway. Must be hurtful though especially when you've been friends for so long.

SoWhite Mon 23-Nov-15 09:53:40

I dunno poss was i a twat for doing that?

I think so. Any kind of life update via FB status makes me cringe. I wouldn't have liked or congratulated you on that status. I would however, had you told me in person or in some kind of private personal message/text.

The birthday stuff is hurtful though - so I'm with you on that. It didn't have to be FB - a text would suffice.

I disagree with posters telling you to confront her with a final message though - why make drama and end your friendship on a sour note?

Just phase it out quietly.

LagunaBubbles Mon 23-Nov-15 09:54:54

That would bother me to, as much as I wouldnt like the reply if it confirmed someone didnt want to know anymore I would have to ask.

VulcanWoman Mon 23-Nov-15 10:21:49

I wasn't suggesting having a drama but to just ask.

pictish Mon 23-Nov-15 10:25:53

Sounds like she has simply drifted away.

SoWhite Mon 23-Nov-15 10:26:52

With people who Facebook this much, I'd put money on asking becoming a drama.

usual Mon 23-Nov-15 10:27:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish Mon 23-Nov-15 10:27:53

Sowhite - how much?

SoWhite Mon 23-Nov-15 10:28:43

The £106.52 that I currently have in my bank account. Christmas shopping ruined me this weekend.

usual Mon 23-Nov-15 10:28:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardibach Mon 23-Nov-15 10:41:02

SoWhite what do you think Facebook is for? Surely one of the key things is keeping friends and family up to date with life events... I posted when I paid my mortgage off, and I don't think I'm a twat. Of course I spoke personally or close friends and family, but CB is a quick way of keeping everyone up to date. I'm also happy for friends when they post good life events.

VulcanWoman Mon 23-Nov-15 10:41:48

Something happened on Facebook a while back where you had to literally go to someone's page and press the follow button again, well, I did anyway, I wondered why I wasn't seeing a friends posts and this was the reason, I had to re follow all my friends again, Unless it was something I'd accidentally pressed in the first place which is totally possible.

pictish Mon 23-Nov-15 10:45:42

I agree...celebrating a mortgage offer is ok. It means big things are about to happen for you. It's definitely status-worthy.

As for "people who facebook this much" - Sowhite doesn't know how much you or your friend facebook, so ignore that dig.

mollkat Mon 23-Nov-15 10:48:17

and she is never too busy to send me invitations to "like" her glittery shit sales page

Is she involved in one of the Forever Living or Arbonne bots?
If you have shown any disdain for her glittery sales page she may have been advised to distance herself from any doubters.
Or she may have unfollowed you (I do this occasionally for pregnant people who give weekly updates or arbonne esque inspirational people)..

stopfuckingshoutingatme Mon 23-Nov-15 10:49:20

here is what I would do OP

No 1. unfollow her on Facebook, this way you remain friends but you don't haver to see her glittery shit and see her liking others people stuff every day

this way, you she will be less on your mind too

No 2. Do nothing- no "likes", no texts, go silent

she will either notice and come to you
or she wont, and then you have your answer-

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 23-Nov-15 11:01:45

Ynbu and Happy Birthday.cake. It upsets you when you're ignored. Congratulations on your mortgage too. Fantastic achievement.
How is here life going though. Could she be feeling a bit envious. Not of your birthday obviously but is she struggling to get a mortgage herself I wonder.
When people are announcing good news, sometimes people can ignore because they're envious

SoWhite Mon 23-Nov-15 11:09:25

As for "people who facebook this much" - Sowhite doesn't know how much you or your friend facebook, so ignore that dig.

The OP stated: and she is never too busy to send me invitations to "like" her glittery shit sales page.

It wasn't a dig at the OP. It was a dig at the friend, inferred from the above. I really, truly believe that 'glittery shit friend' would make a mountain out of a molehill, if the OP were to question her.

VulcanWoman Mon 23-Nov-15 13:22:27

Well, so be it, at least she'd know where she stood instead of wondering.

SoWhite Mon 23-Nov-15 14:22:08

A fair assessment. I'm a confrontation avoider - I know everyone isn't.

TheBitchOfDestiny Mon 23-Nov-15 17:26:33


no its not MLM... its things she makes herself... Christmas tat atm like santa sacks

sowhite - yes I think she would as well which is why I am very much reluctant to say anything. other than it would be embarrassing and make me look needy, I think she might try and turn it round on me ...having said that I wish I knew why

I accept I am not likely to ever I have done this to someone too in the past. (cut someone out of my life) I did so because she was an absolute bitch. but I would never have told her to her face as I didn't want to upset her or cause dramas. so I basically did what my friend is doing to me then eventually deleted her from facebook blush

iliveinalighthouse - funny enough, DH said that perhaps she is a bit jealous of me. but I tend to think that saying someone is jealous is a bit sort of, clutching at straws, and a bit cringeworthy...Ie suggesting you are something great that people would be jealous of. anyway, I am mega jealous of my good friend who is a millionaire but I still love her loads grin and would never not be her friend for that reason

anyway.....thanks for the replies....I am still slightly concerned that I shouldn't have posted about my mortgage blush in case people think I am bragging...I am quite an anxious person (actually do have diagnosed anxiety for which I am on medication)

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Mon 23-Nov-15 17:37:22

sometimes people's birthdays dont come up for me. Othertimes I miss things as due to cringy facebook posting I have to hide posters for my sanity. However I dont think people I hardly ever see wishing me happy birthday on there is a measure of what a good friend they are- words are cheap a lot of the time

VulcanWoman Mon 23-Nov-15 17:49:50

Yeah and another thing, I started getting notifications of friends posts through my emails, then it just stopped again, I changed nothing.

TheBitchOfDestiny Mon 23-Nov-15 19:00:41

However I dont think people I hardly ever see wishing me happy birthday on there is a measure of what a good friend they are- words are cheap a lot of the time

yeah true but stings a bit when friend wishes other friends happy birthday / posts on their stuff

that's weird Vulcan, I wonder why that was confused

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