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To think my baby is trying to break me?

(35 Posts)
Youcantscaremeihavechildren Mon 23-Nov-15 00:59:26

DS is 7 months old and was put to bed at 6:30...I have since then, fed him 3 times (no-one is that bloody hungry), rocked him back to sleep 3 times whilst he makes a noise like this:

youtu.be/KAWoP1kncRE

Fed him again whilst he swings his arms about and flails about, twisting my nipples and making said noise, ignored him whilst he laughs and rolls about in his cot, and finally handed him to DH with a bottle of formula and flounced downstairs. Ive now finally given in again and am feeding him again downstairs in the frigging dark with tears running down my face hoping he'll give in before I lose my mind.

AIBU to think he actually hates me? I just want more than 40 mins sleep at a time, it's not too much to ask is it?

He slept through once...it was amazing..--stares wistfully into distance, imagining what life could be like with children who sleep-- and yes, I know, this too will pass, he's not a baby forever, I can sleep when I'm dead etc which will be tomorrow if this carries on but I just want to go to bed ato night without that horrible anticipation of knowing I could be asleep for 2 hrs max all night.

chumbler Mon 23-Nov-15 01:08:55

flowers

Read the gentle sleep book by Sarah ockwell smith

Have you tried a later bedtime? Worked for my baby (for now!)

rudolphistheboss Mon 23-Nov-15 01:10:32

If he's rolling about and laughing in his cot can you just leave him to it? Without interaction he may sleep sooner than you think. I say this as the parent of a 13mo ds who still wakes to bf at least twice a night.

We also got the book 'the rabbit who wants to go to sleep now ' - it's amazing and really seems to help him relax (also works on 3yo DD). For the last week I've been working on him falling asleep in his own bed listening to the book and I'm finding his sleep is much better and he is quicker to settle.

I also co-sleep from his first waking but am working on cutting out on him nursing all night. Does your ds have a dummy? I've found it a sanity-saver for nighttime.

Hope this rotten stage passes for you soon flowers

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Mon 23-Nov-15 01:12:43

You need to calm down.

No ideal but if dh is due in work tomorrow he needs to call in.

It sounds as like you may have post natal depression.

It also sounds like you are not enjoying breastfeeding and if you think it may be better to stop then that's ok.

Please give the baby to dh and take a few minutes out.

chumbler Mon 23-Nov-15 01:16:13

Jumping to a few conclusions there, pip

CheshireDing Mon 23-Nov-15 01:20:25

I feel for you and remember those times. I bf me 2 for a year each and DC1 was really tiny so literally used to wake every 90 minutes. I used to sit there reading the internet willing morning to arrive when somebody else in the world would be awake too. Made even more annoying when they are old enough to start scratching and pumeling your boob as yours is now.

No suggestions unfortunately expect maybe it's a Wonder Week spurt ?

Eventually he will sleep for marginally longer for you and fake tan helps your face look slightly less knackered (from my experience)

Feel for you, it's exhausting. Brew, crumpets, shitting TV ? flowers

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Mon 23-Nov-15 01:23:10

Sitting in the dark crying and saying a baby hates her and trying to break her is signs of PND.

Only a fully qualified doctor can make this diagnosis but it is signs.

IAmACuboid Mon 23-Nov-15 01:25:16

Aaaah those days aren't that distant for me, DC1 was like that, the little bugger. I feel for you.
Horses for courses, but what really helped me was reminding myself that actually, it wasn't personal. Babies do what babies do, and they don't know they made you cry, and they can't exercise self restraint or empathy.
Taking a few minutes out really can help, even if it seems pointless.
Take 5 long deep breaths, count to 5 in then count to 5 again on the out breath.
Everything will change eventually, but no one can tell you whether that will be next week or next month.
And I say this as someone who didn't get dx with PND until 18m, so do be self aware if you think you have issues beyond the utter exhaustion.
And if you encounter people who aren't sympathetic, well lucky them that they got sleepers. We didn't. Karma will get them in the end.
brewthanks

Youcantscaremeihavechildren Mon 23-Nov-15 01:44:14

I'm not read the gentle sleep book but I often look at her blog, agree with most of what she saysand try to use gentle methods. I'm not expecting sleep all night every night, I'd be happy with two feeds a night and ecstatic with one but as we aren't up for crying/sleep training I'm resigned to things not changing quickly. DD is 5 and was a shocking sleeper, but it did get better around 10 months, then a whole load worse but she's fab now and has been since age 4, I know it will improve eventually. Think I read every other sleep book with her! We are currently trying some of the no cry sleep solution, to get him out of the feeding to sleep and into a room with dd. Weve had some success, he doesnt need to be fed for every wakeup but hes just awake so often, its crazy. We do Co sleep but he's very wriggly and just uses me as an all night milk bar, which means he barely feeds during the day, I really need my bed back.

I would happily let him roll about in the hopes he'd self settle, he has before, but he gets himself into a state after a while and starts crying. Once he's properly awake it's game over. DH tries but he's at the age when only mum will do.

I'm just really bloody tired, I'm not depressed but sleep deprivation has that effect I'm sure. I get obsessed with how much little sleep he gets and naps are a huge battle, so yes it does wear me down but I'm definitely calm, don't have the energy to be angry! I'm back to work in a few weeks and it's a scary thought with evenings and nights like this.
DH is not going to 'call in' how ridiculous! He's got a job to do and even though his sleep is disturbed he wouldnt even consider it. We take it in turns to have lie in at the weekend and we manage.I love breastfeeding mainly, it's just the fact that my boy loves it a little too much all night every night that is difficult.

I'd try a later bed time, I'd love that as when he's gone to sleep really late we've had a much better night, but he doesn't sleep well during the day and by 6pm he's shattered. Tonight is bad as he was up for the day at 4:30 and only slept for 30 mins at lunch. Manic and overtired, hence flailing about and the annoying nasal groaning like a creaky door sound (his way of self soothing himself to sleep, he's done it since birth and it quite literally goes right through you. )
He has finally given in and is fast asleep on my chest after yet another feed. I will now try to lay him down, which is another problem altogether! It's just that horrible feeling when I lay down, exhausted, drift off and then he's awake again...

IAmACuboid Mon 23-Nov-15 01:50:33

Dunno if you're experiencing similar OP, but my youngest had a terrible latch at night. He's 18m and still wakes a couple of times, he moved in with his brother at 12mo, as we co sleep and he was snacking allllll night too. Much better since then, but he now comes in around 5 and won't let go of the boob without wailing. Every sodding morning. I wish boobs were detachable.

IAmACuboid Mon 23-Nov-15 01:51:49

Had - haS - he has a terrible latch.
Ugh. Off to sleep now I'm hoping! G'night OP - hope you get some rest.

RebeccaCloud9 Mon 23-Nov-15 01:53:10

My baby was similar at 7 months, partly (in hindsight!) due to her being hungry for solid food as she hadn't taken to it well and still was barely eating anything at that stage. Have you tried a massive bowl of porridge before bed?

Youcantscaremeihavechildren Mon 23-Nov-15 01:54:45

Thanks all, I think I do need to take those moments just to remember it won't last forever. I run and do yoga when I can, that helps, I do get a bit down but that's a lot to do with feeling helpless to do anything, I am so used to bring in control! In a strange way I think going back to work will help as I have that time away and will be handing over responsibility to someone else to get him to sleep during the day, who will hopefully not be as tired as me!

He's right in the middle of a massive leap, is trying to crawl and possibly teething...his poor little brain is probably going nine to the dozen.
Off to attempt to lay him down ..wish me luck!

MagicalMrsMistoffelees Mon 23-Nov-15 01:56:01

Not much help but I'm also up breastfeeding my seven month old! He goes down around 7.30pm (after 30 min bf) and is up around 8.00am but happily has 2-3 15-20 minute feeds in between. I suppose I'm lucky as he goes straight back to sleep afterwards - if he didn't I'd have lost it! Lack of sleep is the hardest thing, especially with older children.

I think teething is a contributing factor to these night feeds. Also, now he's on solids he has perhaps 4 two minutes breastfeeding 'drinks' during the day and that's it so he makes up for it at night!

It won't be forever so I tell myself!!

Youcantscaremeihavechildren Mon 23-Nov-15 01:57:37

Detachable boobs. Now that would be amazing!

He's right off his food at the moment, possibly teeth and partly vicious circle of too much milk at night etc. I'm hoping things will improve if we just keep going. Latch is good, too bloody good, he's like a limpet.

Euripidesralph Mon 23-Nov-15 02:06:46

Ahh I feel for you I remember that point with ds1 (now three) and I have ds2 due imminently so preparing for the same

As much as others have covered the practical stuff what helped me was accepting that it was horrendous..... I got loads of platitudes like "enjoy the time now it'll pass" etc etc and frankly it ,add me want to punch people when they said it

Oddly what helped was saying to myself "it's ok this is a shit part.... Yeah yeah I know it'll pass etc but frankly I want to sleep tonight and I bloody can't and that's rubbish". When I stopped fighting it and thinking I should be enjoying every second it really helped

Good luck op I'm not going to try to fix it , or give you platitudes (not saying people here are but people maybe in real life) I'm gonna say your not alone, it's a crap bit and I honestly hope you get a break soon, be kind to yourself and do what you need to get through the next hour / night / week etc

FlorisApple Mon 23-Nov-15 02:09:29

I'm here with you, with a 7 month old, who I am currently in a battle of wills with over whether he will go down in his bed or in mine. I have been trying to get him in his cot, which is in his 4 yo sister's room, so in the middle of the night I panic that he is going to wake her up too, and he ends up in our bed, where, I might add, he does sleep a lot better. I think he just wants to feel close to me, and I can't really blame the little guy for that, so for the time being I'm going back to co-sleeping, as we did when he was a newborn. For me, two things help: 1)Not panicking about the future: I keep catching myself thinking: but he'll be in my bed forever! It's rubbish of course and we can move him out when he's sleeping better again. 2) Not looking at the clock and just going with it. This goes for naps too. Some babies just aren't big nappers - I try to just give him plenty of opportunities and let him sleep when he needs it. Is yours feeding much during the day? Mine is so busy and distractable during the day that he doesn't feed much, then wants to eat all night.

Headmelt Mon 23-Nov-15 02:33:38

Try using Snuffle Babe vapour rub, a little rub under his chin to help with the congested breathing. I gave 2.5ml nurofen this evening 20 mins before bedtime and our dd slept for about 5 hours tonight before waking. We're going through the night waking for feeds too, definitely for comfort rather than hunger. I'm thinking it's teething and wind. I felt so sleep deprived last week, I was beginning to feel our baby was going to break me too but I felt much better after getting some uninterrupted rest the following day. Can you get someone to mind him while you sleep for a while tomorrow? I express and put a bottle in the fridge when I need a break, Dh feeds when I'm sleeping in the morning if he's not working early. I tried "the rabbit who wanted to sleep" book, it worked for a while on our toddler but not on the baby.

Senpai Mon 23-Nov-15 02:50:19

I think it was about 8 months old we put our foot down with DD at bedtime.

We let her cry it out.

1. Put him in.
2. Let him cry 5 minutes.
3. Go in, no fuss, put blankets back on tell him it's bedtime.
4. Let him cry 10 minutes
5. Repeat step three
6. After this every 15 minutes.

The first night it was 3 hours of torture. The second night she went to sleep. By the third she was doing a good job and everyone was happier with a restful sleep.

Now at 20 months, sometimes she wakes up once in a while in the middle of the night, but that's when DH is on double shift at work all day before she wakes up and back after she goes to sleep. She misses him. A quick 5 min cuddle from him and she's back to dreamland.

Obviously, do what works best for you, but after 8 months of waking up 4x a night, we were done. She was done. Everyone was cranky, including her. Now we're all bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning, she's well adjusted and much happier with restful sleep. smile No regrets.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask Mon 23-Nov-15 03:29:16

Hope you're asleep now OP. I'm up now with 16 month old and can confirm that chocolate mug cake and ice-cream helps. Other than that I have no advice, as mine has always been a frequent waker but settled easily with boob. In the last few weeks that has stopped, and now he lies down happily beside us in the dark, has some boob, I drift back to sleep and then he shouts 'BOO!' and jumps on my face angry.

But as I say, brew cake helps...

thenewaveragebear1983 Mon 23-Nov-15 03:41:45

Maybe structure your day more, and work on the basis that nights will follow. You say you're going back to work soon? Who will care for your baby when you do? No doubt a nursery/childminder will have a clear structure to their day, so perhaps if you set a routine with meals/play/sleep times it might help. Even if, for now, sleep time is a drive in the car or a walk in the pram. Baby will soon recognise quiet time. Then you can put his bedtime later as mentioned above. My DS age 3 was a terrible night sleeper until 6 months ago, but during the day would nap well which was my sanity saver. I'm currently sat up with an 8 week old who has a tummy bug, feeding for the 3rd time tonight and listening to him fill his nappy with poop at the same time.....miserable! Good luck OP, it will get better soon x

hartmel Mon 23-Nov-15 04:04:10

You are not alone. I have two kids (oldest is 2.2 years old youngest is 1.1 years old) and I don't know what it is to sleep through the night.. At age 7 month both my kids had a growth spurt. All they wanted was to eat (drink) every half an hour to an hour.. Then they fell asleep for 2-4 hours and wanted to eat again... And I don't want to take your hopes but it lasted for almost a week..

I have a very supportive DH. He even took a day off and send me out shopping without the kids just to escape it and clear my head...

I just hate it when people jump to conclusions that if the mother is exhausted because the baby is hungry a lot and barely sleeping that she has post natal depression.. (Sorry for the rant )

Good luck

HeteronormativeHaybales Mon 23-Nov-15 04:55:57

I do think that is a very early bedtime - would it help to make it a bit later, so he'll perhaps be more tired? Ours were never in bed before 9 at that age. They still woke frequently at night but we didn't have these extended awake periods, unless something else was up (illness etc). You could perhaps sort the day sleeping by carrying him in a sling - he should still be small enough for front carries with a good supportive one - that tends to send them off. Or a long, brisk pram/buggy walk at a predictable time. Tbh I never tried to put them 'down' (ie into bed awake) until they were doing it themselves - feeding, rocking or walking to sleep all the way.

Could you get a bedside cot? Then you could feel lying down and gently shift him over into his 'own space', which might help.

HeteronormativeHaybales Mon 23-Nov-15 04:57:12

feed lying down, of course

Mistigri Mon 23-Nov-15 06:16:01

Only sleeping 40 minutes at a time is enough to send anyone crazy (I think an awful lot of PND is mostly sleep deprivation). My DS did this and I ended up going slightly nuts - and I have no mental health problems at all.

In desperation (I work full time and could barely function) I eventually sleep trained him when he was only a little older than your son. It took ONE night and I wished I'd done it earlier.

The way I did it was to set a time before which I wouldn't under any circumstances feed him. He went to bed at 8pm as usual (in his case going to bed wasn't the problem, the issue was that he woke literally every 45 mins thereafter) and I decided not to feed him until midnight. He woke at 8.45 and took 2.5 hours to go back to sleep - but then slept until about 4.30am! The next night he slept right through 8-4.30 or 5. We did have the odd wakeful night (where I used the same method) and it took a while to break the early waking habit, but it was so much better than waking every 45 mins that I didn't care.

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