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To pull up DM on her lack of empathy

(8 Posts)
JaceLancs Mon 23-Nov-15 00:37:44

DM usual response to any kind of situation where sympathy or empathy is required is "thanks for letting me know......"
I am used to this after 50+ years and that she makes most situations all about her
Yesterday I sent her a message to let her know that one of my closest friends had died suddenly
No response
Then tonight she emailed me to say that a mutual acquaintance who also knew the friend in question, had also contacted her with the news, and due to their being distressed about this, had cancelled an arrangement they had to meet later this week
At no point did she ask how I was or even say something as simple as "I was sorry to hear......"
I am angry as well as upset at her lack of empathy and concern for me
I will not contact her just yet, but feel the need to say something

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 23-Nov-15 00:51:21

If she has been like this for 50+ years have you ever spoken to her about it before?
YWNBU to talk to her, but I doubt she'll change. She sounds like my grandmother.
I'm sorry for your loss.

JaceLancs Mon 23-Nov-15 00:54:49

I have tried as has my brother in the past - she has actually got worse, the older she gets the more self centred she has become

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 23-Nov-15 00:57:27

She very much sounds like my grandmother!

Topseyt Mon 23-Nov-15 01:27:50

Mention it to her by all means. It might occasionally make a temporary difference but don't be surprised if she reverts to type pretty quickly.

It sounds like deeply entrenched behaviour so it probably won't change permanently.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 23-Nov-15 05:32:21

So she's in her, what 70s? Never going to make a blind bit of difference talking to her now. However, if it makes you feel a bit better...

So sorry for your loss. flowers

00100001 Mon 23-Nov-15 07:08:13

I don't really know what you think it will achieve...

Ragwort Mon 23-Nov-15 07:25:17

She's not going to change now, I am probably a similar age to you, my DM is in her early 80s and very strident/forceful in her views ..... she is incredibly kind and generous but also over-whelmingly judgemental. I have actually said to her 'I am not prepared to discuss xxxxxxxx with you as our views our so different' (Insert: refugee situation, benefits, politics, teenagers today, other sensitive subjects).

I have learned to accept that none of us are perfect, I have probably got lots of faults myself .......... people rarely change, the only thing you have any power over is how you react to other people. Accept her for what she is.

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