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AIBU not hosting xmas

(171 Posts)
Winterqueen Sun 22-Nov-15 16:30:19

We hosted DH family last year for a Christmas meal and day (not actual 25th). At the time we had a new baby plus our 2 older children and I did all leaning tidying up after etc etc DH did cooking ( disasterious meal) and I took the children on 3 walks alone during day to burn off energy and avoid bad behavior (4& 6 year old boys). Nobody in DH family did a thing!
This year SIL has decided her flat is too small to host thus she will do fooling at our house instead. The thing is I am working this year and the only day they can do is one when I am working that night having also worked the night before last (only 1 night off between shifts I am a nurse) I am breastfeeding my one year old and am currently on my knees exhausted. It will mean going to work without sleep yet again, baby waking early and wanting me all the time. I will some how also have to clean and tidy house after a night shift the day before. We do not have a cleaner and with 3 children and a husband it gets messy in hours.
I am not close to DH family and find them very hard work and stressful, so I can't just be relaxed with them.
So AIBU in my exhausted state to find the idea of this family Xmas day some form of hell? Yes probably 😥

HermioneWeasley Sun 22-Nov-15 16:42:32

Not at all - did SIL ask you or did she just declare she was using your house.

The phrase your DH is looking for is "sorry, that doesn't work for us. You'll have to find another solution"

reni2 Sun 22-Nov-15 16:46:22

I'm sorry, I'm working. I understand you feel your flat is too small for us all so we won't come. Maybe see you on 28th/ whenever for some coffee and mince pies?

SisterMoonshine Sun 22-Nov-15 16:56:43

where did you get that smiley?

yanbu

batshitlady Sun 22-Nov-15 16:58:14

It's perfectly ok to want an easier time of it this Xmas Winter ... I'm in the same spot with my in laws. If I don't take kids to them they come to us, which can be a bit of a pain...God that sounds awful doesn't it? See how reasonable your wishes are???

Winterqueen Sun 22-Nov-15 17:06:06

Mil has informed us that our house will be used! I assume this has come from SIL saying her flat is too small for 6 adults and 4 children (she also has a baby). Mil will not host as does not want Fil (her ex husband) in her home. Must be the 27th as Bil back at work 29th etc etc. I am so fed up of this family they apparently are also planning on seeing us pre Xmas to go to our towns Xmas market so it's not like we will not be seeing them other times and feeding them! They are in London and we are in Hampshire.

JeanSeberg Sun 22-Nov-15 17:08:18

Why isn't your husband dealing with this?

Arfarfanarf Sun 22-Nov-15 17:09:33

You can say no.
Its just that they may strop about it.
They cant use your house without your agreement.

Nice idea mil but no that wont be possible. You / they cant use our house.

RandomMess Sun 22-Nov-15 17:09:19

Just say "no, that doesn't work for us. Go to SILs without us if there isn't enough room"

Sounds like there is a day for a get together that works for everyone.

You need to sleep it's not an option hosting at your house.

reni2 Sun 22-Nov-15 17:09:31

Dear MIL, sorry, I am working. No.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sun 22-Nov-15 17:11:28

I work nights in a nursing home and totally understand the tiredness thing.

Tell them all to fuck off. Don't answer the door. Keep saying, 'no, I'm working.'

Maryz Sun 22-Nov-15 17:24:09

Inform your mil that SIL's house is big enough for four adults and one child.

You and dh and your kids can't go.

Easy grin

SisterMoonshine Sun 22-Nov-15 17:26:35

Just apologise that you've not been able to get the time off this year.
Your working, that's that really.

shushpenfold Sun 22-Nov-15 17:29:16

Your DH needs to firmly say, 'not possible, sorry'. Wife is working and we're having a quiet Xmas on our own because of it.

Jenijena Sun 22-Nov-15 17:30:44

If you were my nurse overnight, I'd want you to have rested as properly as possible during the day. This is your DH's problem, the solution does not involve any visitors in your house when you're trying to rest.

RideEmCowgirl Sun 22-Nov-15 17:34:19

From a safety point of view you MUST stand firm and not allow this.

God forbid that you make a mistake at work through tiredness. It could be fatal. That family is then devestated and the effect on your own as you very likely get dragged into court and struck off would have massive implications in your own.

KitKat1985 Sun 22-Nov-15 17:38:03

I'm also a nurse and work a perfect excuse for getting out of things like this! Just say you can't due to your work commitments over Christmas.

RandomMess Sun 22-Nov-15 17:39:42

Just had a genius idea!!!

Let them come on a day when you are actually out at work, once your DH has to do all the running around and clearing up without your assistance he'll never let it happen again. You don't have to spend time with them either.

RESULT grin

BackforGood Sun 22-Nov-15 17:46:13

Another who just thinks you need to say - "No. I'm working then so will need to sleep for most of the day". End of.

scarlets Sun 22-Nov-15 17:48:27

It's hard to say no, but you really should! You're too busy. Say that you're looking forward to the markets but that the Christmas period itself is going to be spent quietly.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Sun 22-Nov-15 17:48:48

How about having it between the hours of midnight and 6am on the 28th/29th? BIL presumably doesn't have to be in work until 9am and it seems that in your IL's family going to work on no sleep due to family stuff is no big deal......

Shirleycantbe Sun 22-Nov-15 17:51:24

Please say NO! Don't be pushed into this. You are absolutely within your rights and must stand up for yourself in this situation.

Tiggeryoubastard Sun 22-Nov-15 17:51:44

Dear MIL
Hahaha
Fuck off you deluded bitch
Love, Winter

Doyouthinktheysaurus Sun 22-Nov-15 17:52:39

You need to say no. You are working, that is the end of it.

I am working nights over Christmas, have Christmas night off only. No fucking way would anyone be coming over on Boxing Day before I start my nights again. I need to relax and nap.

You need to push back. Mil can't just decide they are using your house, your dh needs to make it clear that won't be happening.

It's tough working Christmas and nights. Those that don't work nights don't always understand the exhaustion and those that don't have to work Christmas don't always get those issues either.

TheOriginalMerylStrop Sun 22-Nov-15 17:57:17

IT's no. Say No. You can't. The house isn't available as a venue. No.

DH says all this. You both stand firm

Furious on your behalf for the highhandedness of MIL

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