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To invite you all to give dp a kick up the arse?

(6 Posts)
Fratelli Sun 22-Nov-15 13:23:05

Dp and I both work, him ft me pt. He does 3x 13 hour shifts a week, I do 3x 7 hour shifts a week which are either early or late shifts. This means we have one day off as a family with ds 9mo and we don't have to pay for childcare.

I'm trying to get him to help more with housework as it's unfair that I have to do pretty much all of it. On his last day off he slept in til (the deal was I got to sleep in on my late shift as ds is poorly and waking frequently). I had a doctor's appointment which dp took me to (his choice, I can drive). This took about half an hour in total. Later in the afternoon we went for dinner all together with family. Dp had been moaning all day how tired he was. On the way home he started moaning he was tired again, I asked why since he slept all day. He said "I just want a day off!" I said he had and he said not as we'd been to the doctors and he "had to look after ds". This was whilst I was showering and again when I put the washing out. I got told I was always on his case. By this he meant asking him to wash the pots when I'm at work or asking him to look after ds whilst I do housework.

It is my opinion that he shouldn't have to be asked to look after his own son. And that he should pull his weight around the house. My job is very physical also. I don't know how to get him to do more! I've already stopped washing and ironing his clothes to make a point. When he looks after ds when I'm doing chores he just sits on his ipad. I know he does more when I go to work as he looks after ds for 7 hours.

Aibu to ask you all to give him a kick up the arse? Any suggestions to get him to do more?

Fratelli Sun 22-Nov-15 13:28:03

I should also add that his idea of a day off is him having to do absolutely nothing. I asked him when my day off is and he had no answer. He just said he should get one as it's his wage covering living expenses. Mine goes into savings for buying our house.

coffeeisnectar Sun 22-Nov-15 13:38:44


Day off? With a baby? Hahaha!! They do not exist. Surely he knew that before you had one?

On the days you are working late shifts, take it in turns to sleep in but set a list of things which have to be done every day, regardless of who is the SAHP that day. Ie dinner, washing, dishes, hoovering. Then cleaning split down the middle.

His argument is pathetic. You are a team. Suggest you put your money into living expenses and he puts money aside for a house. Or tell him that as you will effectively be paying the whole deposit on the new house you never need to any housework ever again!

Maybe have the odd Sunday where one of you gets the whole day off but have yours first. So if he gives you the baby or whines at you then you can reciprocate when he's having his day off.

He needs to grow up and get on with it. Not long from now your dc will start walking, climbing and eating things not suitable for eating. He's going to struggle if he can't cope now.

Fratelli Sun 22-Nov-15 13:47:13

Ds is already climbing and trying to eat everything!

That's a good idea, thank you, I'll try it. I don't want to end up resenting dp. And I also want ds to grow up seeing a relationship as a partnership.

BaronessSamedi Sun 22-Nov-15 15:29:51

i'll be round with my strong leather walking boots to give him a good hard kick up the jacksie.
think you'll need to come down harder on him OP. or else consider alternative arrangements ie: separation.

Fratelli Sun 22-Nov-15 18:04:24

Haha thanks baroness! I know I do, I'm thinking of leaving him with lo for a whole day with a list of jobs I usually do when he's at work and seeing how he manages!

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