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... to think my colleagues are just slightly unreasonable.

(56 Posts)
MarianneSolong Sun 22-Nov-15 12:21:28

We had a work night out, 9 of us, to celebrate someone's birthday. We ate at a local Indian restaurant, which is a favourite of people at my work place. The woman sitting opposite me is vegetarian, as was the woman on my right. I get on very well with both of them. I'm not vegetarian but eat loads of veggie food. I ordered a vegetarian thali - which was quite substantial. (Onion bhaji, samosa, rice, raita, saag paneer, a puri a chickpea dish, and a vegetable curry.) Neither of my colleagues had noticed this dish on the - large- menu before, or ordered this dish anywhere else. They commented on it repeatedly saying how good it looked and what was in it? Whenever they did this I said they were more than welcome to try some. (I'm used to sharing and tasting in this way when eating out with family and friends.) But on each occasion they said no, as if they couldn't possibly and it would be rude.

They asked me again about the dish when I was at work the following day

It just seemed a bit daft not to help themselves as they were so obviously curious and I would have been happy to share.

laffymeal Sun 22-Nov-15 12:25:49

Eh? You offered and they politely declined. No one is being unreasonable, just forget about it.

GabiSolis Sun 22-Nov-15 12:27:24

Some people don't like to eat from other people's plates so of course YABU (although in a nice way!).

MarianneSolong Sun 22-Nov-15 12:31:29

I think there were just a lot of questions and comments, both at the time and the next day. It made me feel a bit self-conscious, so at the time I couldn't quite enjoy eating so much. And then, when they went back to the topic the next day and how they might order that next time. As if I'd been doing something really daring and unusual, that they needed time to work their way up to.

Not a problem, but it was just a new situation for me. If you see what I mean.

MarianneSolong Sun 22-Nov-15 12:32:14

Also the dish was/dishes were served in a lot of little metal bowls on a platter - so it wasn't quite the same as eating off someone's personal plate

laffymeal Sun 22-Nov-15 12:33:20

Let it go op, it's not worth thinking about.

SoWhite Sun 22-Nov-15 12:33:30

I wound't eat from a colleague's plate. Only DH's.

SoWhite Sun 22-Nov-15 12:33:51

Wouldn't*

Oysterbabe Sun 22-Nov-15 12:41:34

This is the most non issue AIBU I've ever seen grin

Rdoo Sun 22-Nov-15 12:58:44

You sound like hard work op

FeckTheMagicDragon Sun 22-Nov-15 13:05:10

They see you as a potential veggie or are trying to find common ground to have a conversation? One I know seem surprised and pleased when one of us omnivores voluntarily choose a vegetarian meal.

spanisharmada Sun 22-Nov-15 13:08:50

I love food and might well mention a meal again, it wouldn't occur to me it might make someone feel uncomfortable.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 22-Nov-15 13:20:37

Maybe they didn't want to share their choices with you and were concerned that they would have to, if they took some of yours?

I really wouldn't worry about it though, they'll probably have it next time and you can all rest easy again.

MarianneSolong Sun 22-Nov-15 13:23:39

It's not something I am angry or upset about. I'm just used to sharing/tasting food when I go out. For me it's part of the pleasure of eating in a restaurant. It's not something I'd propose on a formal occasion with people I don't know, or if I'd got some kind of ailment - but otherwise seems quite a natural thing when it's people you work closely with and get on with see every day.

There may perhaps be a very slight feeling of rejection. But only slight. Like they may be my colleagues, but they're not my mates. It's a bit like those threads where people's friends won't eat any home cooked food if they haven't cooked it themselves - only things from shops - because they perceive this as unsafe and unclean. And then the people who have offered the home-baked chocolate cake or whatever do feel ever so slightly miffed

Also o a practical level as eating out isn't particularly cheap, sampling a friend's dish it's a very good way of finding out whether you like an unfamiliar meal - rather than spending anything from £10 upwards ordering something that may be a disappointment.

UnlikelyPilgramage Sun 22-Nov-15 13:29:05

It probably makes me very unreasonable but I loathe people 'sampling' something I've ordered in a restaurant!

NickNacks Sun 22-Nov-15 13:32:10

What a long post about someone saying 'no thank you'. hmm

MarianneSolong Sun 22-Nov-15 13:34:22

Oh people vary obviously. But if I'm torn between ordering the meat main course and the fish, and so is my partner - then it's great if one orders the mean and the other orders the fish, and we swap plates halfway through. It'll work exactly the same if my daughter is out with us.

UnlikelyPilgramage Sun 22-Nov-15 13:35:51

But not everybody does that or wants to. I haven't done this as an adult - my parents used to do it and I hated it!

WorraLiberty Sun 22-Nov-15 13:37:57

They asked you what was in it, not whether you'd let them try some.

If you had answered the question, they wouldn't have needed to ask again the next day.

You made a Masala out of a molehill.

Tikka chance to think about it.

InTheBox Sun 22-Nov-15 13:41:28

A whole thread about a non-issue. No one here is being unreasonable; apart from you for thinking it an issue worth posting about in the first place.

MarianneSolong Sun 22-Nov-15 13:47:02

Found a whole thread about this non-issue here. See comments underneath the short piece. Anything about socialising around food can tap into quite strong feelings I reckon. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/nov/11/share-food-restaurant-notes-query

VeganCow Sun 22-Nov-15 13:51:28

As a vegan I was also intrigued when a meat eating friend told me that they regularly eat veggie thali. I had never heard of it and also asked questons about it. They were probably pleased to have discovered aother dish to add to their list, whereas you saw it as them hinting they wanted to try it.

VeganCow Sun 22-Nov-15 13:51:59

haha worra

Cloppysow Sun 22-Nov-15 13:58:33

That article doesn't prove your point op.

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 22-Nov-15 14:03:28

I got to the end of the post and looked for the 'AIBU?' part. I'm still waiting....

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