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To be fed up about DH's hobby dominating the whole weekend, every weekend?

(111 Posts)
Strawberryade Sat 21-Nov-15 22:13:41

DH does a hobby all day every Saturday from about 8am until 5 or 6pm. Which I think is bad enough but I am getting sick of it because it dominates the whole weekend.

Obviously he is out all day Saturday so we can never do anything as a family, or I can never do anything by myself on Saturdays. When he gets home he is tired and therefore just plonks himself in the chair watching TV, opts out of parenting and dozes off by 8pm. On a Saturday night. Great.

Then on Sundays he is always 'tired' too so just lays around, never wants to do anything, won't do any chores. I end up feeling like a single parent!

I can't just go off on a Sunday and do my own thing as he won't step up and do things with the DC or even make them a sandwich for lunch. He just sits there and moans about being tired from Saturday.

To clarify, it's a fairly physical hobby but not very physical and involves lots of periods of sitting down during the day as well as being active.

I have tried to speak to him about it but he doesn't see the problem. AIBU?

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 21-Nov-15 22:14:45

It's not a hobby problem, it's a lazy, work-shy, arsehole problem.

GloriaHotcakes Sat 21-Nov-15 22:17:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CointreauVersial Sat 21-Nov-15 22:18:37

I think you definitely CAN just go off on a Sunday.

Give him warning, book something nice for yourself, and leave him with the DCs for the day. What a selfish arse. My blood is boiling on your behalf.

RandomMess Sat 21-Nov-15 22:19:30

I wouldn't tolerate it either.

DH has weekends away for his hobby but all the other weekends he is an equal parent & domestic god

Strawberryade Sat 21-Nov-15 22:20:06

I just would feel bad for the DCs if I just leave them with him, as he won't do anything for/with them or even really engage with them at all.

And I'd get back to a complete tip with nothing ready for the week ahead.

Katarzyna79 Sat 21-Nov-15 22:20:16

if its makinghim that tired he needs to do half day only. Why cant he do it on sunday i guarantee he will still get up and go work for the money he wont say "im tired boss no can do" . Lack of respect for you selfish attitude , he is milking the situation for its worth it . Throw the gauntlet in its time for confrontation.

Btw only last wk i told my husband i feel like im a single parent so i know how hard it musr be and damn upsetting too.

I suspect its cycling..... ;)

ChinaSorrows Sat 21-Nov-15 22:20:42

My husband has a weekend dominating hobby too.

But he is not a work shy, lazy, feckless arse so it doesn't affect our relationship as much as your husband's hobby seems to affect yours.

This is clearly not the right time to a e a conversation about it as you're "mid weekend" immersed in it and he's less likely to listen objectively.

Can you sit down with him after the kids are in bed on Tuesday or Wednesday and show him how his behaviour is affecting you and the whole family?

DoreenLethal Sat 21-Nov-15 22:21:15

What would happen if you disappered at 7:50 on a saturday morning, right before he was due to leave?

KeepOnMoving1 Sat 21-Nov-15 22:21:35

Yanbu, he's so selfish! Doesn't it even bother him that he's not doing anything with his kids.

ChinaSorrows Sat 21-Nov-15 22:22:02

How old are your children OP?

PurpleCrazyHorse Sat 21-Nov-15 22:22:39

I agree, book yourself a nice weekend away with some friends and leave him to it. He will step up if he has to,

Strawberryade Sat 21-Nov-15 22:23:52

He'd probably divorce me if I disappeared before he had to go!

Kids are 6 and 9

LaurieFairyCake Sat 21-Nov-15 22:23:57

"I'm entitled to as much leisure time as you so from now on I'm off out Sunday's to the gym/spa/cinema while you do this list of chores. Don't worry, it's not as much as I got done on Saturday while you were out"

LaurieFairyCake Sat 21-Nov-15 22:24:48

Who cares if he divorces you? Sunday's would then be HIS day with the kids (same result)

He's a twat

Longdistance Sat 21-Nov-15 22:25:09

Just throw the dc at him tomorrow and walk out.

Don't ask him, he'll just have to get on with it.

I've just had words with Dh, he has been similarly busy, even in the evenings. Although, he doesn't do the I'm tired routine like your Dh. Mine just pisses off out hmm

Donge13 Sat 21-Nov-15 22:25:47

Get everything ready for the week ahead on a Saturday and then just go outfit the day on a Sunday, he will have to step up!

Longdistance Sat 21-Nov-15 22:26:33

Let him divorce you. You'll be free all weekend.

Sounds good to me.

Sunnybitch Sat 21-Nov-15 22:26:53

No yanbu. Tell him he needs to grow the fuck up and family comes before hobbies!

Only1scoop Sat 21-Nov-15 22:29:27

Why doesn't he engage with his own DC? Are they not his?

He can't even look after them for a day?

What a shit life it must be with such a lazy, selfish drag.

FannyFanakapan Sat 21-Nov-15 22:29:51

remind him that if you get divorced, he'll be having the kids every other weekend, so his hobby will need to move to EOW too - from now, because its going to have to happen one way or another.

Oh and if you get divorced, there may not be as much money available to him to pursue his hobby...

ChinaSorrows Sat 21-Nov-15 22:40:27

At 6 and 9 he should have had enough practice being a father to know how to engage with his children.

Does he have any redeeming features?

LyndaNotLinda Sat 21-Nov-15 22:43:15

Divorce him. Then you'd get every other weekend to yourself.

Honestly - why the fuck are you putting up with this? Why aren't you raging at him? He's checking out of family life all weekend, every weekend. He's being a selfish arse. He needs to shape up or ship out.

Go away for the weekend on your own.

CocktailQueen Sat 21-Nov-15 22:44:46

He is a lazy selfish fucker.

Honestly, what a shit excuse for a man.

Tell him to man up and start doing his share or to fuck off.

Fairenuff Sat 21-Nov-15 22:45:04

OP I think YABU because this is what you have always done and you have always accepted it. If you don't like it, there are plenty of things you could do to change the situation.

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