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to think you should only call or text after a certain time in an emergency??

(61 Posts)
Fruityb Sat 21-Nov-15 09:52:27

My brother and sister seem to have no concept of time. Particularly my brother who forgets everyone works when he's off and decided to call me at 9.45pm to tell me about his holiday. On a Tuesday. When I go to bed at 10... which he knows... a phone call with my brother is never quick. I have been known not to answer when I've seen his name as I know I don't have at least an hour spare.

My phone pinged last night at just before 11pm. Yes I know it was Friday but I'm so exhausted on Friday nights I like to go to bed with a film and nod off. It was a totally trivial thing she didn't need to text me about that could have waited but it was enough to send my heart rate sky high wondering what the hell it was and why it was arriving so late.

I don't call people after 9 and will avoid texting where possible. Does anyone else do this or am I old school?

emotionsecho Sat 21-Nov-15 09:56:27

I call/text my friends or family at times I know are convenient for them but I have no time rules for when people call or text me.

Flashbangandgone Sat 21-Nov-15 09:56:09


Anything after 9pm is unreasonable IMO

EastMidsMummy Sat 21-Nov-15 10:00:33

YABU.9.45 is not late for many people, but if it's too late for you, don't answer or say "Sorry, I'm on my way to bed. I'll call you back tomorrow."

Texts at 11? Don't reply until the next day or turn text notifications off until you're happy to deal with them next day.

drivingmisspotty Sat 21-Nov-15 10:01:33

I don't think YABU, especially if you have mentioned to your relatives about going to bed at 10. But for me, the cut off to ring relatives would be 10, I'm barely in from work, got DC to bed and had dinner by 9.

I text any time, I tend to check phone on way to bed and reply to anything that has come that day at once. I had assumed my friends would have their phones off/on silent if they didn't want to be disturbed by a ping but perhaps I have been unknowingly peeing them off all this time blush

If it bothers you then just out your phone on silent or don't answer after a particular time. If it is an emergency surely they would call more than once or leave a message? Is there any emergency likely where they would need you within the next 8 hours anyway?

TwoSmellyDogs Sat 21-Nov-15 10:06:02

What phone do you have? iPhones and Samsung have a 'do not disturb' function so you can turn off all sounds but also specify callers allowed through if you have anyone who might need you in an emergency. Once it's turned on there's no text tones, no ringing - nothing but blissful silence!

Junosmum Sat 21-Nov-15 10:06:19

I don't think you are being U. I don't call after 9 unless I know that the person is available but I do text, as they can easily be ignored. I also turn my phone on silent when I go to bed.

FindoGask Sat 21-Nov-15 10:07:28

I don't call after 9 either. I don't mind if people call me after 9 because I have no problem ignoring my phone, but i know this presents difficulties for some people.

BlueBlueSea Sat 21-Nov-15 10:09:37

I have a couple of friends and family who are like this. My SM will call at midnight for a chat. I also go to bed at 10.

DH's ex will phone late or even early hours for something related to DSS that is not in the least urgent. Homework or Christmas etc. I tell DH not to answer if we have gone to bed.

I have my phone set to night service from 11pm to 7am. If anyone calls during that time it does not ring or notify me of text etc. If someone calls three times in a row within a minute then the phone will ring. So my teenagers can contact me in an emergency within this time.

Spilose Sat 21-Nov-15 10:09:43

I wouldn't call after 9 but I wouldn't assume after that should only be in an emergency. After 11pm I'd worry though

MrsHooolie Sat 21-Nov-15 10:10:29

Just put your phone on silent when you go to bed?

Enjolrass Sat 21-Nov-15 10:15:22

My phone is set up so only certain people can call me after 9.30pm.

Which is mum, dad or kids.

If someone else phones 3 times within 5 mins it's also puts their calls through.

No one I know would call three time that quickly unless it was an emergency.

leelteloo Sat 21-Nov-15 10:17:04

I get really cross if people call the landline after 9pm and between 6.30 & 8..... And anytime really, I just hate the bloody thing, if you want me call me mobile and I might answer it if I am not up to my eyes in a dirty nappy, dealing with three screaming kids, bathing said kids or having the sacred five minutes peace that I get once a week. For all other times there is voice mail.

Scarletforya Sat 21-Nov-15 10:20:23

I'm totally with you OP. Thankfully no one I know (apart from my Aunt with dementia) would call me in the evening.

When my Aunt does ring my stomach flips with nerves.

I'd be asleep by ten on weeknights.

Fruityb Sat 21-Nov-15 10:20:47

I have used do not disturb ill have to stick that back on again!

You needed a spatula to scrape me off the ceiling when I was woken up last night and when I saw what the message was I nearly threw my phone at the wall! Some things could just wait!

It's one of those things I just assume everyone does as I do. I talked about this at work the other day, and they had cut off times too. Maybe I need to tell my nearest and dearest that! I'm not a night owl at all, I'm usually up and about all day but hit the wall at around 10. I need a nap if I'm going to be out late lol

emotionsecho Sat 21-Nov-15 10:23:44

leelteloo can't you just ignore the landline as you do your mobile? How about one that has a ring function you can switch off and let it go to answerphone but if you hate it so much why do you have it?

BlueBlueSea Sat 21-Nov-15 10:27:12

I think people also have different ideas of what is urgent and what can wait till the next day.

I remember being woken by the phone in the middle of the night by FIL saying that Dsil had her baby. Really! that could have waited till morning. We did not need to know at 3am.

The only reason I would need to be woken in the night is for something I could do something about then, if my kids or DH had an accident or needed me.

Birth and death can wait till morning.

Justaboy Sat 21-Nov-15 10:27:50

I've got a friend who thinks nothing at calling at any time in the evening 11 PM isn't to late for him !.

Some people have gotta get up in the morn.

Buy he just has boundless energy I don't think he ever sleeps!

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sat 21-Nov-15 10:28:27

YABU 9.45 is not late, but 10 is v early to go to bed.
If you don't want to be disturbed, switch your phone off.

Fruityb Sat 21-Nov-15 10:30:57

Is 10 early when I'm up at half 6? I don't necessarily go to sleep then but I like to be in bed at 10 so I can unwind with a book or a film. I didn't think it was very early.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sat 21-Nov-15 10:36:56

Well I'm up at 6.50 and bed at 11-11.30, sometimes 12 if TV is good.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sat 21-Nov-15 10:37:00

Read in bed too.

CakeMountain Sat 21-Nov-15 10:39:11

I was texted at 10pm last night and 5.30 this morning by someone doing some work for us hmm

MaggieRose14 Sat 21-Nov-15 10:40:18

I agree OP. I also think it's rude to call or text before a certain time in the morning. I always have my mobile on as we don't have a landline. I don't like to put my phone on silent incase there is an emergency with an extremely poorly family member. MIL has got in the habit of sending me two or three texts in a row at 5:30 am when she wakes up - drives me round the bend!

UnGoogleable Sat 21-Nov-15 10:40:04

My Dad does this because he's retired and has a terrible sleep pattern where he doesn't get up until 10am and is up watching TV until 1am. So he has no concept of other people's routines and what is appropriate. My Aunty is the same, she Facebooked me at midnight the other day. She's 80, I'm always impressed that she can do Facebook so I let her off!

The other night at 1:30 am, my Ipad dinged at me - my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.

It was one of those big fucking thumbs up emoticons on Facebook chat from my father.

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