Teenage dd and mobile phone

[Teenagecrisisagain]

Dd is 14

She is on her phone constantly. We have told her that due to the fact she's always tired and unable to get up for school that from now on sun-thu she has to give us her phone at 930pm and go to bed

She is threatening to run away because of this and threw things at me today.
I don't think 930 pm school nights is too early? What time do similar aged dcs go to bed ?

AIBU about this? I'm just sick and tired of her walking all over us

[Donge13]

We never allowed phones in bedroom over night. Stick to your guns op.

[AnyFucker]

I make my 15yo handover his phone and Ipad at 10pm during the week.

You are in charge, she is just a kid.

[Teenagecrisisagain]

A couple of times yes

It takes up to 40 mins of us calling her , trying to wake her etc to get her up each day and she's exhausted so we've had to say there is a cut off pony and she has to go to sleep at 930pm otherwise she would stay up till 1am on her phone and she needs to rest and be in school on time each day

We said no restriction fri and sat night but she is livid and threatening all sorts due to the weekday time limit.

[Teenagecrisisagain]

Point sorry not 'pony'

[SheSparkles]

I had to do it with my eldest and am doing it with my youngest...I occasionally make them feel less bad about it by saying it's not that I don't trust them not to be using the phone/iPad/whatever (yes my pants are on fire!) but I don't want them disturbed by other people.
Yes it's a nightmare to enforce and it would be easier to just five in (I'm looking at you dh on the nights I work) but stick to your guns

[gingerdad]

I knock the internet off.

[KeepOnMoving1]

Agree with AF. Throwing things away? She needs it removed for a while for that bad behaviour.

[KeepOnMoving1]

Meant throwing things at you?

[Enjolrass]

I do this with dd.

Her excuse was that it was her alarm clock. But after a couple of weeks of struggling to get her up and her attitude being awful because she was so knackered, we removed the phone for a week and it has an 8.30pm cut off.

We also bought her an actual alarm clock.

Yanbu.

[Teenagecrisisagain]

The other thing that's worrying is she will fall asleep and gets tangled in wires from the charger or headphones which is very very unsafe and I have to stay up and go and check/u tangle her and I've said it's not acceptable

She really lost her temper today, threw things about and her bag at my head then said she will run away

[gingerdad]

And we don't get phone signal at hone

[AnyFucker]

she would use her 3G if you knock the internet off, I expect

and I want the internet after 10pm

Grown ups get to make the decisions about phone use

[AnyFucker]

cross posted, gingerdad, sorry

[Teenagecrisisagain]

Yes and she wasn't sorry when she hit me and I was hurt (her school bag is heavy)
I called dh to tell him to come back from the shops as she had hurt me and said about the phone dd only apologised when she thought she may lose the phone completely over it

In general she's spoilt and acting terribly at the moment and I've had enough this is the latest in a few incidents over the last few weeks

[SummerNights1986]

She really lost her temper today, threw things about and her bag at my head then said she will run away

Fuck that.

I would be telling her the next thing she threw at you would result in you throwing her phone down the toilet. And I would do it too.

[AnyFucker]

next time she does something like throw her bag at you, put your Big Girl Pants on and deal with it yourself

calling your DH home to deal with it makes you look like a soft touch

[AnyFucker]

I presume you pay the contract/to topup the phone

Then until she respects you, stop doing it

[ShellingPeasAgain]

We've had issues with DD (13) and now her phone and iPad are downstairs from 9:30pm. She grizzled somewhat at the start but now seems okay with it. I think it gives her relief from the incessant messaging etc and she can blame it on rotten parents so win, win really.

[soundedbetterinmyhead]

Yep, DD 14 here too and phone needs to be off at 8pm. She has had texts in the night about friends who are unhappy and I won't have that and random chat disturbing her sleep. She doesn't hate me but is a bit peeved. Throwing things/threatening to run away is toddler behaviour so it sounds like you need to stick to your guns. You are not being unreasonable.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Damn right. For her reaction alone she deserves it taken away. There is NO reason to be on her phone all night. Buy her an alarm clock.

[Teenagecrisisagain]

I've tried, I'm clearly a massive joke to her and she only responds to dh. I cannot get through to her at all. She will be sweetness and light when she thinks it's all going her way but soon as we try to tell her to do anything she turns

She was particularly nasty today especially as I was looking after 3 y o ds who has a tummy bug whilst she was chucking stuff about, he was crying and she was ranting. I don't actually know how to deal with this she has completely changed and it's not pleasant at all

She has lost interest in everything except her phone

[PennyPants]

My DD14 is glued to her phone except when it is charging on silent in our bedroom between the hours of 10 and 8 am (when she is ready to leave the house for school). Otherwise I would have a jet lagged child to deal with each morning.

[SheSparkles]

You need to remove the phone from her until she can respect you, if that's how she's behaving. It's a very common punishment for teens.
She'll never respect you if you phone her dad gome to deal with it when she misbehaves. This is meant with kindness, but you really need to grow a pair