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To be annoyed about some odd reactions to news that I'm expecting a boy?

(91 Posts)
1Potato2 Thu 19-Nov-15 23:36:42

Dd is 3. Just found out we are having a ds. I have 2 dsis as does dh. The responses so far:

My mum: I don't know what to do with a boy
My dad: We'll love him regardless...watch out for the spray!
Dsis: Are you disappointed?

Childfree friends:
Oh. How do you feel about that?
I hope he's a good baby.

Colleague with a ds: I hope you've got a lot of energy.

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm being over sensitive. Dh has had nothing but congratulations. Is it the assumption that he has wanted a boy?

If I'm honest with myself, I had it in my head that it would be another girl, despite the obvious chance it could be either. I'm scared they won't have as close a bond with each other and of the finances - much less clothes hand me downs etc. These comments aren't helping to reassure me. I'm getting excited for our new arrival, but it's been a struggle with the odd comments. I don't them.

Bunbaker Thu 19-Nov-15 23:40:40

I'm not surprised you are annoyed. What odd reactions. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy with a happy outcome, and ignore the idiots.

VestalVirgin Thu 19-Nov-15 23:43:13

If your daughter is 3, you could still choose gender-neutral clothes for her so they can be handed down. Before puberty, there is no need for different clothes.

No idea what to do with the comments. Good thing that people actually value female babies where you live, but they seem to go a bit overboard with the assumptions.

cocacola1006 Thu 19-Nov-15 23:45:20

Not over sensitive. People are just odd.
I have two nieces and my SIL phoned her grandparentIL's to let them know. They replied 'oh that's a shame isn't it' and then asked FIL how upset he was it wasn't a boy.
Just rude.

elliejjtiny Thu 19-Nov-15 23:47:43

How rude of people. I find people will make stupid comments about everything though, if it had been a girl they would have gone on about paying for 2 weddings, you and DH never getting time in the bathroom etc. Congratulations on your boy. I've got 5 boys.

notquitehuman Thu 19-Nov-15 23:48:48

When I announced I was having DS most people were ecstatic for DH, patting him on the back and going on about how thrilled he must be. But I got a few head tilt reactions. Oh what a shame for me. I won't have a little doll of a baby that I can stick in headbands and tutus. Turns out, my DS alternates between being a total daddy's boy and mummy's boy, so I've never felt deprived of the bond.

The slogan for AIBU should be 'I dunno. People are weird.'

GruntledOne Fri 20-Nov-15 00:14:02

How bizarre. If you were having a girl, I suspect they'd be asking if you were disappointed to have "another girl".

Don't worry about the bond, I have a very close bond with my brother and m children (two ds, one dd) all get on very well with each other. Many congratulations.

AvaCrowder Fri 20-Nov-15 00:23:21

Please don't worry, just enjoy baby.

BreakfastLunchPasta Fri 20-Nov-15 00:29:21

I'm amazed how openly sexist some people can be about babies.
All babies are completely lovely and completely unique, obviously.

TPel Fri 20-Nov-15 00:34:32

People are dicks.

Congratulations and enjoy a health pregnancy.

NinaSimoneful Fri 20-Nov-15 00:44:17

Very odd indeed. I have a DD and an pregnant with a DS. Everyone has been delighted for us.

Congratulations OP flowers

ThoughtfulBird Fri 20-Nov-15 01:12:50

I have a DD aged 20 months and am expecting a boy. I got: 'Oh, I'll bet you're thrilled!'; 'Oh, your family's complete now. No need for any more!'; 'Oooo! A boy and a girl! Just perfect!' and, yes..'Mind the spray'; 'Ooo, we don't know what to do with a boy' [Mum].

But you know what? I don't think it's odd at all; people say this kind of stuff and it is meant kindly. Why are people so bloody touchy??

Mysteryfla Fri 20-Nov-15 01:30:38

Some people are just stupid. I have two daughters, my twin sister has two sons. Someone once told us we should trade our youngest so we each had one of each. My sister was quite embarrassed when I told the idiot not to be so bloody stupid, but when we walked away she said she was glad I'd said it. We were just gobsmacked.

ExBallerina Fri 20-Nov-15 01:46:36

That's so awful. I don't get the whole sex preference thing at all. Like you say, it can be either or. It's a "risk" you take.

Congratulations on your boy flowers

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Fri 20-Nov-15 02:14:50

I fit was another girl they'd be saying 'oh shame you won't have one of each' or 'are you disappointed to be having the same again?'

People spout rubbish whatever you're having!

Options:

Don't tell people.

Say 'well I was hoping for a kitten' [questioning sadface]

Say ' you are fucking kidding?'

howtorebuild Fri 20-Nov-15 02:21:31

I am sad to hear you did not get the reactions you wanted. flowers

am glad I waited for a surprise, wasn't the one to phone the news around and posted birth announcements. I did get a few how do you feel about two of the same sex questions, mainly people said congratulations.

Chottie Fri 20-Nov-15 02:42:19

OP - First of all, congratulations. I have a son and a daughter and they are now adults and really good friends, don't let other people's weird comments upset you.

I would say to other people that we thrilled and were looking forward to welcoming our son and DD's baby brother into our family.

novemberchild Fri 20-Nov-15 02:54:16

People are indeed weird. I have a dd and a ds already, and am already imagining the comments when I tell people I'm expecting dc3 smile

AnnaMarlowe Fri 20-Nov-15 02:55:32

We have one of each, they are very close and get on really, really well.

I feel exactly the same bond with my wee boy as I do with my wee girl. In fact he is far more cuddly and is the one likely to be holding my hand and begging for just one more cuddle at bedtime.

People talk a lot of nonsense about babies. Ignore them!

Senpai Fri 20-Nov-15 02:58:37

Uhmm... Are these people forgetting it's a baby? You'd better have lots of energy for three kids with three different personalities and interests. A penis on one of them has nothing to with it. wink

Also, congrats! Boys are awesome! grin

I have a daughter, but I'd imagine it would be the same except I'd have less faffing with hair because I could chop it off to keep it out of his face. smile

Sighing Fri 20-Nov-15 03:09:12

The "i hope you have lots of energy" I've recently had. Both women in question have sons and no daughters (I have 2 dd).
I have said "well that's parenting" on both occasions and been countered with "ah, you'll see". I realise there might be a chance this child is of a different temperament than his sisters (who are fairly different themselves) but hmm
Oddly noone with both has weighed in on this.

BeautifulLiar Fri 20-Nov-15 03:14:34

DS never pissed on me <smug>

Italiangreyhound Fri 20-Nov-15 03:34:24

Shit and I rarely swear! Those are some very odd comments.

"I don't know what to do with a boy" I think people are expressing their own concerns, but also - of course - rather stupidly (sorry I know she is your mum) vocalising those thoughts!

I have a daughter, I wanted a girl, I got a girl. When we tried to have another child a short while down the line we hit problems and after years of fertility treatment we adopted. I had always thought the second child would be a girl too, probably because it does seem to be more common if you only have two children they will be the same sex. This seems to be true when there are only two. I only know a handful of families who have one of each sex. Certainly with three or four kids then a mixture of both sexes but with only two it seems less common. Also, I am one of two girls, and when we first looked into adoption we considered adopting from China, (where most babies/children who are adopted are female).

But things don't always go as expected!

When we did adopt (in the UK) we said we had a preference for a girl. Luckily our social worker didn't see that on the form, or didn't take notice and we ended up adopting a little boy. Who we totally love!

Our dd is not your typical girlie girl, and could even be described as a 'tom boy' (if I did not dislike that term).

So when asked why we wanted to adopt a girl I said stuff like 'I know what it's like to parent girls', what I actually meant was I know what it is like to parent our daughter.

Sometimes people extrapolate parenting one child of either sex out to mean they think they can parent all girls/can't parent boys - which is just what I did. But I am happy to say that of course all kids are different. Just as we know they are. Our son is quite a 'typical' boy but he is also himself and parenting him is a pleasure (and a pain in the backside at times!). So please do not let these words from others spoil the fun of the pregnancy and the preparation before you meet your new baby.

Regarding things like 'watch out for the spray!' To me that is a 'typical dad type comment', he is not sure what to say (yes I know that is a hugely sexist comment from me!!).

Re 'Are you disappointed?'. Well in fairness to your sister you have said to us 'If I'm honest with myself, I had it in my head that it would be another girl, despite the obvious chance it could be either. I'm scared they won't have as close a bond with each other and of the finances - much less clothes hand me downs etc.' So maybe your sister was picking up on that. She was not saying you should be disappointed.

groovergirl Fri 20-Nov-15 03:58:17

Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP. Who knows, this little boy could be just the playmate your DD needs.
I have a DB three years younger. We had a lot of fun together as kids, and even now, in our 40s, like to reminisce about our escapades. DB was so incredibly naughty; I don't think I would have had nearly so much fun with a little sister. I credit him with preventing my turning out an insufferable prig grin

Italiangreyhound Fri 20-Nov-15 03:59:32

Some of the comments seem neutral - 'Oh. How do you feel about that?' That's neutral and you can either say how you feel or not.

I think you are being (a bit) over sensitive but that is partly because you feel a bit ambiguous or worried about the fact the baby is a boy.

Can I just say that the assumption kids will get on because they are the same sex is probably not true, yes they can get on if they are the same sex but they can also be big rivals - I would imagine!

Re Dh has had nothing but congratulations. Is it the assumption that he has wanted a boy? I think there might be that assumption but you and your dh don' need to listen to that kind of stuff.

I am sorry that these comments aren't helping to reassure you. maybe hanging out with any friends who have boys and girls might help you feel kids are not that different. My son is a bit of a 'boy' at the moment because he doesn't want to use the ladies toilets (with me), and he very much doesn't want to use things that are for girls (e.g. his sisters 'frozen' bed cover). And he loves cars and helicopters etc. But actually many other things are just kid's things.

I am glad you are getting excited about the new arrival. Try and block out those negative comments.

We chose to buy a few items in 'neutral' shades - e.g. a red pushchair or red parasol for a pushchair, instead of pink. In the hope they could be used for both kids, and they were. But I would personally steer clear of too much gender neutral clothing unless that is what your child wants. Sometimes children really want to express themselves in how they dress, even from a young age, and I feel it is better to allow this. Actually, kids often have way too many clothes, we certainly get given lots! We had/have a variety of friends with children older than ours and are often given bags bags of clothing to use from family and friends. Once word gets round you can use extra clothes often people are only too happy to offer some. We also bought lots of clothes and toys at NCT sales and other sales. And clothes can be sold or swapped.

With regard to having a preference for the a sex of your baby, as in I would like a boy or a girl, some people just have it, they have a feeling they want one or other. It is just a thing. It was not something I was proud of, or expected, after years of wanting to be a mum I was surprised I had any feelings of preference, but I did! I never told a soul, not dh or my sister or anyone. Because I knew if I had a boy I would not want anyone feeling sorry for him and like he was second best. And my son is not second best to anyone!

I think once baby is here and in your arms these concerns will melt away but it is still good to think about this and to help yourself to address these thoughts now. I think it is good to think it through and avoid any negative comments. I really like the '..well I was hoping for a kitten..." answer!

Congratulations.

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