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To not want to leave my 13 year old DD home alone with a boy I've never met

(68 Posts)
TwentyOneGuns Thu 19-Nov-15 20:31:54

Clearly she thinks IABU but it just doesn't seem like a great idea to me. They have the day off school, she'd like her BF to come over, so as a compromise I suggested that I'd see if I could work from home - not to watch over them every minute - I'd be holed away in my office, you know, actually working - but just as an adult presence. But that idea got this face hmm from DD.

I'm not trying to embarrass her or imply that I don't trust her but I'd be unsure about a female friend I didn't know spending the day here with no adults around so one of the opposite sex is bound to make me think twice. Surely that's not unreasonable at 13 is it?

Bedsheets4knickers Thu 19-Nov-15 20:34:16

No and don't doubt yourself x

dementedma Thu 19-Nov-15 20:35:30

Yanbu. Either she puts up with you being there or the boy doesn't come round.

Junosmum Thu 19-Nov-15 20:35:51

YANBU. Work from home, if she doesn't like it, tough. It's a very sensible thing to do.

P1nkP0ppy Thu 19-Nov-15 20:36:29

Good grief, definitely not unreasonable!
The fact you got the hmm face speaks volumes. Could be perfectly innocent but not wanting mum there......
How old is the BF? Seems very young for the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but then I'm definitely getting old!

timelytess Thu 19-Nov-15 20:36:32

You are right, she is wrong.

Aussiemum78 Thu 19-Nov-15 20:36:41

No way, esp if he's older.

Tell her she can have you home or they can go to the movies or something.

TaliZorah Thu 19-Nov-15 20:37:35

Is bf best friend or boyfriend?

I think you're being overprotective personally, I had loads of opposite sex friends, they were just friends. But you know your child best.

DawnOfTheDoggers Thu 19-Nov-15 20:38:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwentyOneGuns Thu 19-Nov-15 20:48:04

Sorry BF is boyfriend although at this age I'm unsure how that differs from a mate tbh! I don't think there's much going on but the crossover has to happen sometime and while I'd be OK with 'stuff' happening under my roof in a few years time, I'm not going to actively encourage it at this age. He seems nice enough from the little I have to go on but it's very different to leaving her with a female mate I've known for years and whose family I know, isn't it. Annoyingly his Mum seems fine with it, why do I always have to be the bad guy? <sigh>.

TaliZorah Thu 19-Nov-15 20:49:47

Do you typically know all her female friends?

OP why not offer to drop them off for a day out somewhere, that way you can meet him and they still feel like they've got some privacy

Oysterbabe Thu 19-Nov-15 20:54:11

<Thinks back to when I was 13>

TwentyOneGuns Thu 19-Nov-15 20:54:46

Now she's moved schools, no I don't know all her female friends. I'd like to get to know them and am happy to leave her with any I've met and trust but a whole day alone with anyone I'm not familiar with doesn't sit right with me for some reason.

In an ideal world I would do as you suggest (seemed to spend a large part of the summer holidays taking half days to do just that actually!) but I need to be at work for 8.30 and I don't think either of them would take kindly to being picked up and dropped somewhere at that time of the morning on a rare day off!

TwentyOneGuns Thu 19-Nov-15 20:55:21

<Thinks back to when I was 13 as well>

No IANBU smile

timelytess Thu 19-Nov-15 20:55:41

I didn't know how to put this without scaremongering but I think I've got it now. At 13 or thereabouts, both children need to be protected against being taken advantage of by older/more streetwise young people. Knowing there's a house available with a young teenage couple and no adult in it could be seen as an open invitation by other youngsters, even if they're not actually invited. And as their so young, your dd and her bf might not be in a position to police that situation if it arose.
Really, don't leave them to it.

timelytess Thu 19-Nov-15 20:56:56

Not 'their' but 'they're' as in 'they are'. Sorry.

mudandmayhem01 Thu 19-Nov-15 20:59:27

I remember having a 15 year old boyfriend when I was 13, he was putting a lot of pressure on me to have sex and I was unsure. Looking back I am so glad my mum refused to leave us alone. At the time I thought she was a mean old bag,and why couldn't have one of those cool, best mate mums. I know better now!

TaliZorah Thu 19-Nov-15 21:00:23

Ah I see OP, that's unlucky.

I can see why you're not comfortable with it if you're like that with all her friends.

If you say no would she be going to his?

Stripyhoglets Thu 19-Nov-15 21:09:52

YANBU. I chaperone. It's tedious and I feel like I am bring overprotective but most people I know who had sex at 13-14 regret it now. And I don't want them to regret it.

TwentyOneGuns Thu 19-Nov-15 21:11:25

This lad is the same age as DD and I've no reason to think anything is going to happen that I wouldn't want. Chances are they'll be hanging out with the rest of the kids from the village and won't even spend much time here. But the points about DD feeling pressured to do 'something' and other kids knowing there's a house with no adults present are definitely in the back of my mind. I'm only 20 mins away but it feels much further when you're wondering what's going on back at home!

A compromise could be that I come home at lunchtime without being too specific when that will be. Would that work?

TwentyOneGuns Thu 19-Nov-15 21:12:10

Oh and I'm not sure if she'd go to his or what the set-up is there. I think he has younger siblings but not sure if they're young enough to mean the Mum is there during the day. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!

LynetteScavo Thu 19-Nov-15 21:16:12

Well, I wouldn't let a 13yo DS have a friend over for the day if I wasn't there, even if I did know them. I don't want my house blown up, or the shed burnt down. But maybe that's just my DC.

Goingtobeawesome Thu 19-Nov-15 21:20:49

I've often read that mothers of boys are less worried than mothers of girls and I wonder if it is because it is the girl that would get pregnant should that be the result.

OP, YANBU and her hmm would tell me she isn't mature enough to understand the situation of why you aren't happy.

TaliZorah Thu 19-Nov-15 21:31:20

A compromise could be that I come home at lunchtime without being too specific when that will be. Would that work?

Sounds fair OP

WaitrosePigeon Thu 19-Nov-15 21:35:49

You are not being unreasonable at all ... I remember being 13 and having a sleep over with a gamble friend with two boys. It should not have happened.

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