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To consider applying for a stressful full time job to escape the stress of sahm!

(286 Posts)
bedraggledmumoftwo Thu 19-Nov-15 19:33:52

I took redundancy less than four months ago. Seemed like the perfect solution when returning from second mat leave and commuting 3 hours a day, with eldest DD starting nursery school 9-12 mon-fri. The payout was the equivalent of two years net pay by the time childcare and commuting was taken into account, so it seemed a no brainer.I said I wouldn't look for a job but obviously if the perfect well paid, part time,local job ever came up I would apply.

Three months of school runs later, I feel like I am running around like a headless chicken, constantly cleaning the same things over and over, house is a tip, i am forever being wailed/screamed at for ridiculous complaints all day long. Far from the lady of leisure I get called, I am permanently shattered and constantly chasing my tail!

So this morning a friend told me that my perfect job was being advertised where she works. Sort of director level in my field and sector. Definitely not something they would agree to part time, but I could cycle from my house in five minutes so could probably still do morning school run and it would be good career wise. Might be a bit of a step up from my last role, but I think I would have a good shot.

Since she mentioned it I have been feeling elated at the mere possibility, despite previously saying full time would be impossible. It wouldn't be an easy job, but the idea of stressing about things that are actually important rather than having put on the wrong episode of peppa or offered the wrong snack just fills me with excitement.

Aibu to feel like a high level, full time, stressful job would actually be a relief compared to the mundane drudgery stress of staying at home?!

wickedwaterwitch Thu 19-Nov-15 19:36:09

Do it! Why would t you? Apply and you've only got a decision to make if you get it. bring a SAHM isn't for everyone. Good luck.

pinotblush Thu 19-Nov-15 19:36:18

You cant have it all OP.

Settle on something in the middle.

Why go to the other extreme?

travailtotravel Thu 19-Nov-15 19:37:13

YANBU. Go for it. The additional income can cover things like cleaner and online shopping etc, but what you can't put a price on is your mental health!

wickedwaterwitch Thu 19-Nov-15 19:37:40

And it sounds as if you'd be able to have a cleaner and throw some money at the tedious stuff.

Mintyy Thu 19-Nov-15 19:37:44

Yanbu to think it would be easier, I'm sure it would - especially at this time when your children are particularly exhausting.

If you feel full of elation then why not apply?

Good luck!

wickedwaterwitch Thu 19-Nov-15 19:38:31

If you feel elated at the thought of it, I really think you should apply.

Duckdeamon Thu 19-Nov-15 19:40:22

Well paid job with no commute sounds fab to me!

WildStallions Thu 19-Nov-15 19:40:47

Absolutely go for it!

NotNob Thu 19-Nov-15 19:41:20

I would say go for it. I am a SAHM through choice, giving up my career 3 years ago. There are many times I have looked into returning to work due to the drudgery and the stresses you describe. Now I think I am too late to return to the same or similar level and even if I wasn't, my confidence is gone.
The logistics look promising and you are clearly excited so I would apply.

FunkyPeacock Thu 19-Nov-15 19:41:23

Go for it!

What's the worst that can happen?

A 5 minute commute is too good an opportunity to let pass you by!

Believeitornot Thu 19-Nov-15 19:41:25


At the very least apply.

wickedwaterwitch Thu 19-Nov-15 19:41:37

And you could do it and then if all is well, negotiate reduced hours at a later date. I find very small children hard work and was relieved to go back to work second time around.

pinotblush Thu 19-Nov-15 19:42:37


Have a child and be out of the house from 7am till 7pm.

Get them looked after by others for a majority of their young years.

I don't agree with this at all.

Dungandbother Thu 19-Nov-15 19:42:44

I think go for it.

I think working when the DC are little is easier, as long as the someone looking after them is really great.

When they get to school, then it's hard.... Then the guilt kicks in.
Trying to read every day when they are YR and Y1
Helping with homework
Fitting in swimming, rainbows/beavers, dance or football.

Then it really feels like you're a headless chicken. But if you have money for a cleaner, then outsource everything to make time with children very precious.

So do your sums for childcare now, childcare wrap around at school, childcare for two in school hols and all the jobs outsourced.

Crabbitface Thu 19-Nov-15 19:47:43

It sounds like it would be ideal for you. Clearly you aren't enjoying being a SAHM and this will affect your health and i suppose will have a knock on effect with your kids too. I'm a SAHM but i don't feel like it's drudgery. I love it. The day i start hating or resenting it I'll be heading straight to the job centre.

SueGeneris Thu 19-Nov-15 19:51:19

God yes. I work from home part time and do all the school runs plus after school mediating fights, suffering ridiculous tantrums all the while trying to cook, care for the baby, sort out endless washing and tidying and attempt to educate the children by helping them with reading, maths etc. It is so chaotic and stressful in the way that it's a repetition of endless cleaning and cooking chores, so I feel like a servant, and I am a terrible multitasker who craves order and peace. So I feel like I am doing what should be an easy job very badly! Self confidence not high!

I have sort of made my peace with it as it means I am always on hand for the children and there is plenty of freelance work in my field, but by God I find it stressful and crave the change of scene and contact with other adults beyond a brief hello at school pick up.

If you look back and think of a very stressful time at work and compare it to being at home - which is the worst? How stressful might it be having the kids in longer childcare?

bedraggledmumoftwo Thu 19-Nov-15 19:51:08

Pinot, I wouldn't be out of the house 7-7. It is public sector so would be more like 9-5 with some working from home. Given the seniority I would expect to sometimes need to work from home after the kids are in bed, but otherwise it would be good work life balance. I don't think they would consider a part time application due to the high level, but II expect I could negotiate fewer or compressed hours or look for a job share at a later date.

notenidskitchen Thu 19-Nov-15 19:51:43

Do it, OP!

Apply and see what happens.

I understand your point, staying at home is brutal.

onecurrantbun1 Thu 19-Nov-15 19:53:44

Certainly you should apply. SAHM-ing isn't for everyone, and if you don'tapply you definitely won't get it! It ticks two of the three boxes in your original caveat too (location and interesting role, obviously a shame it's full time) Good luck

FWIW I'm a SAHM at the moment - it is absolutely right for me and for our family at the present moment, but I'm going to start putting tentative feelers out and searching for jobs once this baby is 2 (I'm 28 weeks now). It won't be perfect time wise, as we always said I'd SAH unit school age, but I have realised the right job is unlikely to come up at the perfect time. I guess what I mean is, will such a good fit of job come up when the redundancy money is gone? Perhaps not.

Also YY to the suggestion of outsourcing as much house work as you can afford to so you get true down-time at weekends if you go back FT!

notenidskitchen Thu 19-Nov-15 19:54:07



SevenSeconds Thu 19-Nov-15 19:55:00

Do it, do it! Good luck OP

sparechange Thu 19-Nov-15 19:55:49

Go for it!
Worst case, you don't enjoy it, you leave and go bac to being a SAHM

Pinot, did you even read the post? OP says she can still do the school run and you translate that to being out of the house from 7-7?
Do you give men this much shit for working Full time as well?

Flomplet Thu 19-Nov-15 19:55:57

I think your reaction to the idea says it all.

Ages and stages though. I was so glad I had work when my two were 1 and 3, I swear it saved my sanity. But now they are school age, being a SAHM sounds like heaven! And school is so much more complicated than nursery. I do think primary school children really benefit from having a parent around after school and in the hols.

bedraggledmumoftwo Thu 19-Nov-15 19:57:52

Re childcare, four months ago they were both in full time nursery. Older dd's school has after school provision until 6pm and younger could go back where she was.

Yes we could afford a cleaner, tbh we could afford one now, but I don't feel it is justified with me at home. I also don't think as much cleaning would be needed if the girls weren't here making mess constantly! I used to come home to a clean house at the end of the day. Now I hoover up to three times a day just to keep up!

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