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To be upset that close friend hasn't sent anything for DS?

(61 Posts)
Zippyette Thu 19-Nov-15 19:13:02

I had my second baby 7 weeks ago and one of my closest friends didn't send a card or present for him. It's my second child. She did for my first. AIBU to expect her to acknowledge his birth in this way second time round? She's sent me two text messages to see how we're doing. We live 2.5 hours apart and see each other once a year. She doesn't have kids.

bittapitta Thu 19-Nov-15 19:14:37

On the one hand YABU. Grabby.

On the other, maybe she is waiting until she sees you. 7 weeks is early days.

(Or even could have been lost in the post?!)

HoggleHoggle Thu 19-Nov-15 19:17:04

I think the fact that she's contacting you means a lot more than her sending a card and gift. She sounds like a decent friend on the info you've given...

Maryz Thu 19-Nov-15 19:17:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGentlyBenevolent Thu 19-Nov-15 19:17:24

YABU. I've just had my first and would never 'expect' anything from anyone - family, friends or otherwise. An acknowlagement is lovely, but she's done this by text, so I fail to see an issue.

pinotblush Thu 19-Nov-15 19:17:54

Maybe she's just been busy doing other things at the moment, she sent text congratulating. Its been 7 weeks.

I don't see how you are close though, you see each other once a year?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 19-Nov-15 19:18:40


Sansoora Thu 19-Nov-15 19:18:56

I think people generally make more effort with cards and presents with a first baby than subsequent ones. So that could be one reason for there not being anything in the post.

Another one is that maybe she's broke just now and she's thinking to herself - Zippy will surely know that if I could I would but right now ........

I think this is something you just have to take on the chin though what with your hormones etc right now I understand why you're bewildered by it all.

pinotblush Thu 19-Nov-15 19:19:16

The first is always a big occasion the rest not so smile

Haggisfish Thu 19-Nov-15 19:19:26


Roomba Thu 19-Nov-15 19:20:45

Are you absolutely certain that she hasn't sent a card or gift to you?

I thought it was odd that my sister didn't even send a card for DS1's birthday this year. DS was quite upset as he noticed this too. I bit the bullet and asked about it, she was adamant that she posted a card with money in for him. It never arrived but at least I know she didn't forget/ignore it now.

OwlinaTree Thu 19-Nov-15 19:21:25

Yab abit u. I understand the feeling though, I would feel the same.

molyholy Thu 19-Nov-15 19:24:20

Yabu. And with 2 children, I can't believe you even have the time to be concerned about this. 'Expect her to acknowledge his birth' shock.

CwtchMeQuick Thu 19-Nov-15 19:26:12

I found the present I got for my friend when she had her baby in my wardrobe a few days ago. Said baby is almost 3 blush
Imo showing that she cares is far more important than sending gifts, but I do understand why you're a little upset!
I wouldn't let it get to you though!
I'm sure she doesn't mean anything by it!

AbitSceptical Thu 19-Nov-15 19:29:12

Card / present numbers fall with each successive child.

Unless you have a girl after a run of boys, in which case your house will be filled with pink dresses 3 days after the birth.

YABU, but you deserve some slack, you're only 7 weeks in. Enjoy your snuggly baby.

Sansoora Thu 19-Nov-15 19:30:00

I found the present I got for my friend when she had her baby in my wardrobe a few days ago. Said baby is almost 3

Can you send it to Zippy? wink

SevenSeconds Thu 19-Nov-15 19:30:40


sparechange Thu 19-Nov-15 19:32:25

YABU and grabby
Plus, second child. You surely can't be expecting the same amount of fanfare?

Allalonenow Thu 19-Nov-15 19:33:47

People generally make more fuss and effort over a first baby, and as she is childless herself she may well not very interested in tiny babies, difficult though it is to understand that. smile

So you are being a little bit UR, but look after yourself, rest whenever you can, and don't let your friend's attitude spoil these early days with your baby.

IKillEveryBloodyThreadIPostOn Thu 19-Nov-15 19:35:59


Your friend had her baby in your wardrobe shock grin

Blarblarblar Thu 19-Nov-15 19:37:23

I'm shit at presents but good at calling, texting. Is it not enough that she's thinking of you.
I guess I don't care about that stuff for me so I forget other people might. Any of my friends could write this about me. In fact .............. grin

Playdoughcaterpillar Thu 19-Nov-15 19:49:31

I disagree with most, I would have expected a card from a good friend maybe not necessarily a present. 7 weeks is plenty of time to pop a card in the post.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees Thu 19-Nov-15 19:52:43

Ha ha ha ha ha!!! Just you wait til you have your third! What do you think they get, poor little mites!

YABU by the way. How you have time to be offended is a small wonder.

Damselindestress Thu 19-Nov-15 19:54:42

Sorry but your friend is just not going to be as excited about the baby as you, especially since you only see her once a year anyway and she doesn't have children herself. People outside of the family also do tend to see the first baby as a bigger deal. Maybe she meant to send something and it slipped her mind, maybe she has other things going on in her life, don't read too much into it. The important thing is that she texted you to check on you so clearly she cares.

Hereisnownotthen Thu 19-Nov-15 19:57:56

Sorry, YABU. I am not expecting anyone to in anyway to acknowledge existence of ds2. But then most people I know didn't bother for ds1 either.
If you don't have kids, other people's are just not interesting. She sent you texts. That's plenty to let you know you are all on her mind.

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