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To not want DH to use his credit card?

(89 Posts)
RevoltingPeasant Thu 19-Nov-15 13:50:21

DH and I have this perennial argument and it's rearing its head again as payday approaches.........

We both work ft and have our salaries paid into 'our' accounts that we had before marriage. However we then pay the bulk of our salaries into a joint acct. From that, we pay out all bills, shopping, and put some money into savings. We are each left with a bit of money in 'our' accts for individual spending, like my hair cuts or DH buying himself a coffee.

We also each have a credit card but I use mine very little, just 1-2 transactions a month, paying the bill off in full. I do this to keep up a good credit history.

DH on the other hand uses his CC for all types of purchases, including those from joint money, like supermarket shops. He then reimburses himself from the joint acct to pay off his CC bill.

His argument is he gets annual cashback for using CC and that this is money we would be spending anyhow (i.e. going to supermarket).

I find this infuriating because I cannot see what the money is going out for: it's all just 'transfer to <DH account no>' every week or few days. But WHAT each amount is, I can't see, because that info appears on DH CC statement.

Also, I hate using CC rather than just spending the money we have. I think it encourages overspending and recently we keep seeming to go into our overdraft.

AIBU to say no more CC?

TheOriginalWinkly Thu 19-Nov-15 13:52:23


If he is paying off in full and getting cash back then he is making money. Why do you need to see what he is spending on? You could always ask to see the CC bill.

If he is overspending and going overdrawn that's a different issue.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Thu 19-Nov-15 13:53:57

Why do you need to see what he is spending his money on?

987flowers Thu 19-Nov-15 13:54:49

Maybe you need a better system of recording transactions. We only use a credit card (pay it off monthly) due to the benefits we get from using the card. We don't however go into our overdraft so are not overspending.

Arfarfanarf Thu 19-Nov-15 13:55:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Thu 19-Nov-15 13:57:00

Why is what he's doing any different to what you're doing, with your 1-2 transactions per month?

He's right. He'd be spending the money anyway, on shopping etc, so if he's bringing the balance back up to full every month, what's the issue?

Why do you need to see his credit card statement, do you think he's spending frivolously?

KittyVonCatsworth Thu 19-Nov-15 13:57:38

Isn't he doing exactly what you're doing though...buying on the CC and paying it off every month? If so, YABU; if he's accumulating debt with interest then YANBU.

Pooseyfrumpture Thu 19-Nov-15 13:58:02

If it's all about the annual cashback, then you both need a joint CC with that, that you both use for joint purchases, and which is paid off from the joint account.

HaydeeofMonteCristo Thu 19-Nov-15 13:58:13

How about a joint credit card where you can both see the bill? One that gets points.

It's not fair if he is getting "extra" treats because he is subbing himself from JA, I agree.

hiccupgirl Thu 19-Nov-15 13:59:33

I think YABU if he is getting cash back and not overspending massively. If he is over spending massively then far enough.

But at the moment it just sounds like you don't like being able to see what he is spending money on tbh. So you could either ask to see his credit card statement every month or accept he is an adult and manages money as well as you, just in a different way.

OOAOML Thu 19-Nov-15 14:00:21

Are you saying he uses the joint account to cover the whole bill, including stuff that if you bought it for yourself would be coming out of your own account?

OOAOML Thu 19-Nov-15 14:01:00

Oh, and is the cashback he earns from joint spending purchases going back into the joint account or is he keeping it?

bloodyteenagers Thu 19-Nov-15 14:02:26

From the way he doing things, he could pick up games, dvd,s, or whatever that would normally come from personal spends, and using house money to do this.
It's really hard to budget in this way.

RevoltingPeasant Thu 19-Nov-15 14:03:37

Majestic I don't confused I want to see what he's spending OUR money on.

Okay, so this is how I would organise spending left to myself:

We have (say) £1000 in account at start of month.

Go to Sainsburys, £80 bill. Pay it on debit card.

£920 left in account. Nice and easy to see where it went.

DH is doing this:
We have £1000 in our account (joint money we both paid into).

We go to Sainsburys, £80 for weekly shop.

DH pays the bill on his CC and then later in the week makes a transfer from our joint acct to his CC to pay it off.

So when I look at our online statement, I don't see 'Sainsburys £80', I see 'transfer to DH account, £80'.

Does that make sense??

It is not the same as what I am doing because I only use my CC for my own purchases. They are paid off from my money in my acct. DH uses his own CC for joint purchases.

HicDraconis Thu 19-Nov-15 14:04:50

We run our joint account and credit card the way your DH does. We get air miles on credit card use too.

All purchases - food, clothes, haircuts, family spending, gifts, random "saw this book and liked it" type events - go on our credit card. Joint account clears it in full every month. We get the credit rating, the air miles and the bulk of our income stays in the current account until the credit card bill at the end of the month offsetting the mortgage, so we pay less in mortgage interest too. Your DH is just being financially sensible.

If he's overspending his amount every month, or using the joint money to reimburse him on a purchase that should have come from "his" money, then I can see where resentment will creep in - you are using your money for your treats and if you can't see what his cc bill itemises, you don't know whether he's using his money or joint money on his treats.

Personally I trust my DH absolutely with family money which is why we don't have his/hers/ours, just ours. If you don't trust your DH not to use family money to reimburse his own cc spending then you have bigger concerns.

MrRobot Thu 19-Nov-15 14:07:25

Don't you trust him OP? If he's transferring what the shopping came to then what's the issue?

Drew64 Thu 19-Nov-15 14:09:30

We work out accounts differently to you but...
We have a tescos credit card and everytime we use it we accumulate clubcard points.
Your DH gets cash back.
As long as it's paid off your quids in!

Alanna1 Thu 19-Nov-15 14:11:17

Why can't you just ask to see his CC? That sounds like the main issue. My husband and I put almost all our spending on CC because we get points that way. Its a very sensible thing to do if you have the cash flow to accommodate it. One or both of us checks the bills (we have cards on each others CC anyway; one of us has a BA airmiles amex and the other has a mastercard) so that way we both check. But I don't scrutinise my husband's spending on it, save in so far as I'd ask what an unrecognised transaction was if I thought it might be fraudulent!

0verNow Thu 19-Nov-15 14:12:09

If you asked to see his CC bill, would he show you?

I agree with a PP - get a joint CC where you can both see the bill.

gamerchick Thu 19-Nov-15 14:11:55

If you see the transaction going to your blokes account then surely you can assume it's going on his credit card?

I like to use my cc as well for the benefits i can't see the issue unless he's running up debts.

RevoltingPeasant Thu 19-Nov-15 14:12:50

I do trust him. Absolutely.

But I also want to be able to glance at my bank statement and see what money has gone where. It's how I budget.

Today I logged in to see 4 separate transfers from our joint acct to his CC, taking us overdrawn 6 days before payday. I don't know where that money went.

I trust that it will be for household stuff, but in trying to cut back, I can't just look and see 'Ah we're topping up supermarket shops too often, or oh, looks like we spent extra on DD's clothes this month'.

whois Thu 19-Nov-15 14:12:58

I can see that it is annoying not seeing WHAT is actually being spent as it is just all under 'transfer' not 'tesco' or whatever - but I don't see anything wrong with using CC per se if he is paying it off.

MaxPepsi Thu 19-Nov-15 14:14:00

Can't you just ask him to label the transfers then?


£80 Transfer - Sainsburys
£50 Transfer - Petrol
£15 Transfer - Amazon

If I could be trusted to religiously transfer the money across each time I would so do it the way your DH does. Insured purchases and benefits you get from using the card.

MaidOfStars Thu 19-Nov-15 14:15:28

The problem is that OP is worried DH is transferring money for things he's bought on his CC that aren't joint purchases.

I do the same as your DH, as my credit card gets good bonuses (although I ask husband to transfer half the required balance from his own account, then pay the other half from my own account - the effect is still the same i.e. we split joint purchases). He never asks to see proof of spending - maybe he should? I don't ever con him.

0verNow Thu 19-Nov-15 14:16:04

I can see three potential issues with this (and 2 and 3 might not apply in practice):

1. It makes it harder to manage the family's finances if you can't see all of the transactions. Suppose OP suddenly needs to cut back a bit and wants to identify where she could make savings - she can't tell what their monthly supermarket shopping bill is, for example, because her DH's share is subsumed into his larger CC transfers.

2. He could be running up debts she doesn't know about.

3. He could be subbing personal spending from joint funds, but subsuming it into his larger CC transfers.

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