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To tell her mum about her behaviour? A bit long

(39 Posts)
Iliketoparrty Wed 18-Nov-15 19:20:44

I took my 10year old DN out for dinner as a birthday treat I had suggested she bring a friend which she did. Friend is also 10.

DN chose a local non chain Italian place which we have been before. They do the usual food as well as making pizza to order so you can have exactly what you want on your pizza.

Both girls chose to make their own. They also had chips and salad. The pizzas are fresh so only took 5/10 minutes to arrive once ordered.

DN's friend can be quite loud and kept shouting yuk! Rank! When she saw other dinners plates to the point I had to tell her to stop. Once the food arrived she kept getting up and wanting to walk around eating her pizza again I had to tell her to sit down. She bumped into a waiter carrying food. She was going up to other tables looking at their food. She did eat all her pizza chips and salad.

Even before we had finished our food she started shouting for cake and ice cream. By this time DN was getting embarrassed and quietly asked to go home. In the end we left without dessert.

When I dropped her friend off her mum asked how it went so I said she was a bit over excited, shouting, walking around etc. But I tried to be positive and said she seemed to enjoy the pizza. Her mum went quiet and quickly said thanks for having her goodnight.

I mentioned what went on to DSis when I took DN home and she was a bit shock. Dsis has texted telling me friends mum phoned her and wasn't happy I said anything about her daughter's behaviour as I was rude to have said anything. Dsis told her that she did ask so I told.

Although DH and I don't have DCs so when i mentioned this to him, i am a bit confused that he agrees with friends mum.

So parents was IBU?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Wed 18-Nov-15 19:23:20

Nobody likes being told negative things about their child, but I think you were right to do so.

Seriouslyffs Wed 18-Nov-15 19:24:52

No. Not at all. I'm ashamed to admit when DS went through a little shit exuberant age many moons ago, I wouldn't have asked.

Narp Wed 18-Nov-15 19:27:35

YWNBU

This is really unusual behaviour for a 10 year old though, and I would not immediately think it was borne of naughtiness.

Jhm9rhs Wed 18-Nov-15 19:30:02

Nope, you were perfectly reasonable. If she didn't want to know, she shouldn't have asked.

RoganJosh Wed 18-Nov-15 19:30:57

Your poor niece! I'd have said something.

wowfudge Wed 18-Nov-15 19:32:38

I think you handled it perfectly. The mother asked so you told her, in a diplomatic way.

It sounds as though the child doesn't know how to behave in a restaurant. That's not your fault.

ohtheholidays Wed 18-Nov-15 19:33:48

NO she's the one in the wrong.She should have thanked you and apologised and told her daughter to apologise to you.

That's awful behavior for a 10 year old,if I'd been in the same restaurant I wouldn't have been pleased,I bet the other diners and staff weren't happy with her.

laundryeverywhere Wed 18-Nov-15 19:34:24

You were actually quite nice about it.

cantgonofurther Wed 18-Nov-15 19:37:46

It is odd behaviour for a 10yo. I think you were polite to her mother.

Enjolrass Wed 18-Nov-15 19:38:27

Yanbu. The girls behaviour sounds a little unusual, but if the child has some additional needs (which may explain the mothers reaction) I would have thought the mother would have said.

Or the mother is pfb and her dds behaviour is down to the fact that she thinks her darling CB do not wrong.

She asked, you told her the truth

Sprink Wed 18-Nov-15 19:38:48

Well thank goodness for your sister's sticking up for you.

The woman did ask, and you were diplomatic.

People generally annoy me, especially those who ask and don't like the answer. How about a 'thank you for having her', eh?

Sprink Wed 18-Nov-15 19:39:52

Out of curiosity, why does your husband agree with the mother? What's his thinking on this?

CombineBananaFister Wed 18-Nov-15 19:41:08

Your poor niece sad YWNBU. She asked and you very politely told her. I would be more interested in speaking to my daughter about her unacceptable behaviour than ringing my daughters friends mum.

Hygge Wed 18-Nov-15 19:42:36

I think you did the right thing.

I'd want to know if DS was doing all that, and I'd be having some firm words with him about behaving himself while out with other people.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees Wed 18-Nov-15 19:47:05

Her behaviour was very unusual. Do you suspect an underlying reason for it?

LIZS Wed 18-Nov-15 19:47:35

Yanbu. I wouldn't have expected that from a child half her age, unless they had SN? Hope dn still enjoyed her treat.

mumeeee Wed 18-Nov-15 19:48:20

YWNBA That wasn't normal behaviour for a 10 year old and she embarrassed your DN. Her Mother asked and you told her without going over the top. I think you handled it well.

LizKeen Wed 18-Nov-15 19:49:05

I would be mortified to hear that, but I wouldn't be pissed off at the person telling me.

And if my DD had SNs I would mention it beforehand.

YANBU.

Corygal Wed 18-Nov-15 19:53:30

You don't have to be a parent to know when a kid is out of order.

YANBU.

Penfold007 Wed 18-Nov-15 19:53:50

OP if you were kind enough to ask my DD to have a pizza with your DC and would be mortified if they had behaved so badly. I certainly wouldn't be annoyed that you had mentioned it.

Iliketoparrty Wed 18-Nov-15 19:55:10

I thought there maybe some underlying reason which was why i put it in that way as my other DN has sen so can be a bit uncontrollable when excited but having again spoken to DSis there isn't (that has been diagnosed).

DH thinks that I should have said that everything was fine and said nothing. He is very much - anything for a quiet life, were I'm a bit more truthful straight to the point.

I'm taking DN for ice cream and mocktails on Sunday for dessert.

StampyMum Wed 18-Nov-15 20:02:09

I've never heard of a 10 yr old girl behaving like that before, and I suspect she has some needs you weren't told about. If DS behaved like that, I'd want to know, but I would probably be embarrassed and defensive about it. No-one likes to hear this kind of thing. You did the right thing, but you will have to live with the discomfort that your honesty has produced.

Nice aunty, tho cake

SaucyJack Wed 18-Nov-15 20:02:26

YANBU.

Are you quite young or easy-going?

I think it's at least as likely that she saw you as soft touch/not in a parental role and pushed her behaviour as far as she could get away with than she has SNs.

I have a ten year old DD. Groups of them can still be exceedingly silly at that age if they think there's no one in charge to tell them off.

NorksAreMessy Wed 18-Nov-15 20:03:51

YOU are a lovely Auntie!
Poor DN, she was obviously embarrassed herself

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