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to ask my DP to stay in Paris with me?

(130 Posts)
hannah0030 Wed 18-Nov-15 14:38:26

DP and I live in Paris, in an apartment together. He has lived here a few years, I have only just moved in last month. As such, I don't have any close friends here.

He is due to go away this weekend to the UK for a hobby. I feel nervous and worried being in Paris at the moment, and would prefer it if he stayed in Paris with me. We live 5 minutes away from last weeks attacks.

There is no opportunity for me to go to the UK with him, so please don't suggest it!

He was in the UK last weekend for the same hobby whilst the attacks were taking place. I was house bound alone and very scared.

Rationally I know that if something happens it happens, and he can't actually stop it! He would lose his fun weekend, and the travel expenses too. I am only asking him to stay so I can have the extra comfort and support.


Alibabsandthe40Musketeers Wed 18-Nov-15 14:42:30

I'd be wondering why I'd moved to Paris (presumably leaving my own life behind) to be with a man who kept hopping back to the UK to do a hobby that I'm not involved in.

YANBU, but you have more of a problem than being frightened about the terror attacks.

Crinkle77 Wed 18-Nov-15 14:44:06

Sorry but I think you should let him go. He can't be with you 24/7.

AnUtterIdiot Wed 18-Nov-15 14:43:53

I would tell him to go and tough it out. Sorry. I don't think it is unreasonable to be nervous, but you can't live like that or expect him to.

hannah0030 Wed 18-Nov-15 14:44:42

Musketeers, the hobby issue is separate - I'm only really asking about this weekend.

Thanks Crinkle and Idiot.

firesidechat Wed 18-Nov-15 14:45:13

Personally I would encourage him to go, get myself a good book, all the food I needed for a weekend and not leave home for the whole weekend.

Eventually life will get back to normal, but until then I would do what I needed to feel safe.

OnTheEdgeToday Wed 18-Nov-15 14:45:17

Why cant you go with him?
If it is only for a hobby, then i would personally find it quite selfish considering how scary it must be for you right now, nevermind when being alone!
At the same time, he can go if he wants to.

I would say yanbu

selsigfach Wed 18-Nov-15 14:46:22

Don't ask him to give up his weekend. You'll be fine, and you'll feel better after for not giving in to the (understandable) anxiety. Can you find something to go to where you might meet some new people and make friends? Dance sessions, for example.

Whatdoidohelp Wed 18-Nov-15 14:46:31

I'm sure you have posted about your partner and his hobbies before.

If he is unwilling to stay with you or take you with him that would be the end of it for me.

firesidechat Wed 18-Nov-15 14:46:51

I imagine that normal life will also resume surprisingly quickly. People are amazingly resilient when it comes down to it.

ImperialBlether Wed 18-Nov-15 14:48:26

So you've been there a month and for two weekends on the run he's away with his hobby?!

There's very little chance of anything happening in Paris this weekend, don't worry about that. Sadly, the damage is done there now.

firesidechat Wed 18-Nov-15 14:49:03

I interested in why it is impossible for you to go to the UK with him. Are you from the UK originally? Impossible is a strong word.

hannah0030 Wed 18-Nov-15 14:49:37

The hobby issue is separate. I'm only here temporarily, and knew that he had pre-planned this amount of hobby time. I'm of the opinion that though I'd rather he didn't go away for it so much, it's not fair for me to demand he changes his life, so am putting up with it.

hannah0030 Wed 18-Nov-15 14:50:44

well me going to the UK is probably possible, but isn't an option - I'm asking whether I should ask DP to stay or not.

TattieHowkerz Wed 18-Nov-15 14:51:08

Just stock up on food and stay home all weekend.

BarbarianMum Wed 18-Nov-15 14:56:25

I'd wave him off and go and explore the city - it's an amazing place. Or if that really worries you why not do a day trip to one of the attractions outside of the city, like Versailles?

Gottagetmoving Wed 18-Nov-15 14:56:27

You won't be any safer with him with you than with him away.
I know it sounds harsh, but you are a grown woman and you cannot always expect someone to be with you because you feel worried.
Either go away somewhere or stay with friends, but it is up to you to sort out what to do while he is away, not him.

GruntledOne Wed 18-Nov-15 14:58:24

I wouldn't ask him to stay if I were you. The reality is that nothing is going to happen in Paris this weekend, and even if it did you will be as safe at home as you would be if DP were there. Look on it as your chance to have a peaceful couch potato weekend.

middlings Wed 18-Nov-15 14:59:17

YABU - sorry. If we put our lives on hold, the bastards have won. You can't make him not go. sad

middlings Wed 18-Nov-15 14:59:37

Also, in fairness, this weekend, Paris is probably the safest city in Europe.

Lostcat2 Wed 18-Nov-15 15:00:21

I think I would be pissed off with my partner if he pissed off for 2 weekends doing a hobby.

Still as you seem to accept this get in food, wine, DVDs books and have a lovely weekend in the warm apartment.

polyhymnia Wed 18-Nov-15 15:00:22

Sorry but I think YABU. As suggested, just stock up on food and stay in if you don't want to go out. It must have been tough to be there last weekend but going forward I don't see that you can live your life or expect him to live his expecting the worse to happen again. That would be exactly what the terrorists want .

MagicalMrsMistoffelees Wed 18-Nov-15 15:00:46

Never in my life have I come across so many folk with hobbies as on MN.

Everyone and their husbands seem to have one.

I don't have one. How do I get one?

oldmum22 Wed 18-Nov-15 15:01:08

I agree with the posters who suggest stocking up with food and good books. If you DP had to go away for work or was working very long shifts ,you would have to get on with it. I fully understand your worry but security is going to be on full alert and the chances of anything happening ,close by, are low. Enjoy your weekend and perhaps address the issue of the hobby ,upon his return .

steff13 Wed 18-Nov-15 15:03:08

I think you would be unreasonable to ask him to stay. As we like to say here in the US, "if we change the way we live our lives, the terrorists win!"

MagicalMrsMistoffeless, I could teach you to knit.

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