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please tell me i'm not going mad

(11 Posts)
TooMuchTim3Wast3d Wed 18-Nov-15 13:27:59

So here's the scenario my ex boyfriend of 13 years who treated me like total and utter rubbish the whole relationship and who I finally managed to get rid of a year ago(free at last)! after years upon years of pain and hurt., who got someone else pregnant whilst I was carrying their baby. Who hit me while carrying their baby..the list goes on and on and on... but watever im over that, lesson learnt. The problem I have now is he has decided a year after splitting up that despite never once wanting to do any family things with me or the children we have together.. now wants to be informed of any events like fireworks nights..seeing santa..birthdays and if I dont include him and ring and inform him of all events im a complete selfish unreasonable cunt and makes threats of violence towards me if he finds out we do fun stuff without him (the same fun stuff I done the whole time we were together for my kids that he had no interest in taking part in).Please someone tell me if I should be entertaining this kind of [deleted by MNHQ]? Why would I want to stand at a fireworks display with someone I hate acting like happy families. And too be honest my kids wouldnt notice he's even their because all he does is answer he's phone every 2seconds for he's dodgy lifestyle and end up arguing with me for things I couldn't give two shits about paying hardly no attention to them at all. So my feeling is jus leave me and my kids to enjoy and live our lifes now. U had ur chance. Im open to peoples opinion on this and would love to hear them because he is adamant that im stuck in the past and I need to grow up and move forward and include him and stop thinking of myself. I have said he is welcome whenever he likes to see he's children and take them fireworks, visit santa etc on he's own and enjoy such things but he doesnt seem too interested in that. wonder why?! angry

my kids are 10year old boy and daughter of 1...the gap so large due to him being in and out of jail the whole time!

KittyVonCatsworth Wed 18-Nov-15 13:33:52

I would take this one through the courts. With a history of DV and unreliability, fuck that and play safe. If he's granted supervised visitation, do it on neutral ground (I'm sure a MNer who is more clued up on this will advise what the protocol is. There is no way I'd be spending any time with a man like this.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-Nov-15 13:54:21

No you don't have to entertain his fuckwittery.
You left him and that's that.
He can see the kids on his own.

You do NOT have to give him updates all the time or let him know what you are doing with them.

It's all about getting some control back over right now.
Has his current relationship gone sour and he has no-one to control at the moment?

Due to previous violence I would tell him he could only have supervised access. That is either in a contact centre or with supervision of one of your family members who is OK to do it.
Tell him if he wants official visitation/access then he can go to a solicitor and take you through the courts.
I assume you reported the violence and with previous prison stays he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Stand up to him. You don't need this crap and you certainly don't need to put up with it.

If he persists then block him on everything, open up a separate email account and tell him to only contact via this method. You will then have everything in writing.

Any threats or name calling done via text, social media, email etc... keep a copy. If it persists report it to police.

Well done for getting away!

hellsdells82 Wed 18-Nov-15 13:59:19

Just seems to me like hes after control of your and your kids lives and if you agree to all his demands now then he has most certainly still hoy control. I agree with going through the courts. Go and seek advice from a solicitor and maybe social services too,it will give you an idea of the safest way to go.
In the meantime...DO think about yourself more and dont let this prize prock anywhere near you on your family outings. If that makes you selfish in his eyes...then so be it. flowers

hellsdells82 Wed 18-Nov-15 14:00:57

Hoy? Got** and hes a prize prick cuz i have no idea what a prock xx

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Wed 18-Nov-15 14:02:31

If I were you I'd tell him to take me to court if he wants contact.

I'd also stop using the term 'retard' hmm.

ALemonyPea Wed 18-Nov-15 14:11:42

Given his violent history towards you, I'd go through courts.mwhat is he like wit the children? Is he violent towards them?

And please don't use the word retard, it is awful, whatever context it is used in.

glenthebattleostrich Wed 18-Nov-15 14:13:52

Tell him supervised, at a contact centre access only.

And please report your post to MNHQ and ask them to edit out the word 'retard'.

TooMuchTim3Wast3d Wed 18-Nov-15 14:39:47

Ok I see most are on the same page as me.. which is reassuring! Yea seems like he's just trying anything he can to get he's claws back into a bit of control. And to make me doubt myself I spose he scored there didn't he. But no I know what I say and do makes im not gona let him blur that anymore. And Yea he is fine with the father of the year, not a great provider, infact provides nothing. But I do know my kids are deff 100% safe with him and always have been, annoyingly they worship the ground he walks on..he's the fun..always playtime parent.

Apoligies for using that word ..have asked MN to edit it out. Didn't mean any offence- see your point. I will hang my head in shame.I really am sorry .

Thanks for ur replies..I really just needed to hear i'm not being unreasonable by thinking this way

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 18-Nov-15 14:48:17


Tell him supervised, at a contact centre access only.

And please report your post to MNHQ and ask them to edit out the word 'retard'.

We've done this

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-Nov-15 15:31:11

Definitely trust yourself and your instincts now. Don't let him get any control back.
Don't worry too much about 'the word'
It was a ranty thread and we all get carried away at times.
Keep going OP you are doing the right thing.

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