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To be depressed that feel like I have a "boring" life?

(26 Posts)
BurntFlapjack Tue 17-Nov-15 18:33:04

I am coming up to a significant birthday and am feeling a bit low that I have had such a conventional existence, just "average" in everything, conventional upbringing, education that was expected and I wasn't really interested in (i.e. choice of university/course), jobs that have just paid the bills and feel soul destroying. Average to crap (looking back) relationships, only a couple of sexual partners.

When people talk about what they got up to when they were younger and in college/uni etc, I think, I have done nothing, always conformed I guess, normal, middle of the road etc. I'm not saying I should have gone on an drugs bender and had an orgy weekly, but maybe I wish I had once! grin

I know the various shit that many have been through and people are going to say why the fuck are you moaning, sounds okay, be grateful.... but does anyone else feel they have always done what is expected, never "really lived" cliché? Is the highlight of my life baking and eating a pile of flapjacks? AIBU?

Destinysdaughter Tue 17-Nov-15 18:38:57

What sort of things would you like to have done but you haven't? Maybe you need to create a Bucket List for yourself and start doing things!

I'd always wanted to go travelling but didn't do it in my twenties. A few years ago when I got made redundant I decided to take the opportunity and I went to India for 4 months. At the age of 47! Had an amazing time and felt really proud of myself for doing it. Life's short, and goes by really quickly so think about what you really want out of life.

Shockers Tue 17-Nov-15 18:43:39

I don't know. I'm coming up to a significant birthday too and this is the happiest time of my life. I set myself a yearly challenge, and have done since my 40th. Challenges are usually physical, but next year I'm including writing in my list, as well as a mini triathlon.
Forget the past; put your energy into making your present and future exciting!

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 17-Nov-15 18:52:27

At your next significant birthday make sure you can look back and be happy at all the wonderful stuff you've done between now and then.

hefzi Tue 17-Nov-15 18:53:21

If you think you've only done boring things, then it's up to you to change it! Think about what "interesting/exciting" would look like, and then go for it - otherwise, do the same, get the same.

BastardGoDarkly Tue 17-Nov-15 19:02:21

Luckily you're not on your death bed!

Plenty of time to have drugs and sex binges!

Iwouldneverbotheryou Tue 17-Nov-15 19:05:53

I get terrible "Birthday Blues" and sometimes just feel how you do in general.
But you know something? I've had a pretty average upbringing overall, had my wild times through college but was definitely not happy.
People didn't expect me to settle down and do the normal thing but now I have a long term partner, a baby and do my housework almost every day. And I can honestly say I've never been happier.
If you feel you do want to do things to be less boring, go for it, use it as an opportunity to do things you wouldn't normally. Start with simple things, order something new off the menu or buy a top you wouldn't usually wear etc.
Normal doesn't have to mean boring, and lots of times people can have had their younger days and not been happy or even particularly enjoyed it. And I'm awful for dwelling on the past wishing I'd done things differently but I'm slowly learning that I can't change things and wouldn't be where I am now. It's not easy though.
Just try to enjoy things for what they are, challenge yourself to do different and maybe exciting things and remember that sometimes you can't beat something as "normal" as a cup of tea or glass of wine in front of your favourite tv show/book etc.
I also think there's too much pressure on people to be "fun". I had a night out Saturday the first since my son was born and the best part of my whole weekend was curling up with him on Sunday and having a boxset marathon with dp. Be kind to yourself op, as long as you are happy and not harming anyone, boring & normal can be great.

missymayhemsmum Tue 17-Nov-15 19:54:37

Birthdays are the moment when we realise this is not a rehearsal, aren't they. On the other hand, if you have got this far without wrecking yours or anyone else's lives or starting a war and if the only regrets you have are the amazing things you haven't done and not the terrible things you have, maybe that's a blessing?

juneau Tue 17-Nov-15 20:00:03

Okay, well you don't say which 'significant birthday' it is, but how about you take this as your wake-up call to start living a bit more dangerously? Be a bit more impulsive, say 'yes' to things you wouldn't normally say yes to, have a long think about what kind of things you wish you'd done and, if possible, go and do them. If you're still alive then its not too late!

DuchessDaisy Tue 17-Nov-15 20:32:07

I feel like this at times OP, it is easy to think everyone has had, or is having great lives, achieved all they want but of course you see or hear a snap shot and don't see behind closed doors!

You don't mention your circumstances but if you want more sex or whatever then go for it smile

Sometimes boring is good, I'm saying this as I listen to the wireless in front of the fire with a cup of hot chocolate which is my idea of excitement at the moment!

theycallmemellojello Tue 17-Nov-15 20:35:10

I think in general it is better to pin down a vague sense of dissatisfaction to a few specific goals. Think of things you would like to achieve and realistically could and work towards them. There's no point comparing yourself to others, you can't do everything. Think of what might work for you.

Dullfromdullsville Tue 17-Nov-15 20:39:02

Hello Op, I don't have any advice really as I posted a very similar thread a couple of weeks ago. I do think that lots of people would relate to this to be honest. Most people just plod along I reckon. Don't look on Facebook though as its really not going to help your state of mind right now!
Sorry, I do know just how you feel, its really rotten to feel like you're half living a kind of dress rehearsal and the main show never quite happens.

Somanyproblems Tue 17-Nov-15 20:41:13

There is a great deal of pleasure and happiness to be found in a very ordinary existence, OP.

Embrace it flowers

Jftbo74 Tue 17-Nov-15 20:43:28

One mans boring is another mans exciting and visa versa. So what do you see as exciting op, because only you know.

Dullfromdullsville Tue 17-Nov-15 20:56:32

It's just occurred to me that the modern world has contributed hugely to the lack of satisfaction some of us feel about our lives. Pre internet, people might have done exciting stuff now and again. We wouldn't hear about it unless it was a very close friend or family member. Now, we have so many links with the wider world suddenly it feels like everyone but us is having amazing holidays, rewarding careers, wonderful happy families etc. etc. We don't see the mundane anymore just the fabulous!! I mean who posts about their broken dishwasher, lazy dh, irritating kids, boring as hell job? No-one.
It's not an accurate perception of an ordinary life.

Trills Tue 17-Nov-15 21:04:36

You need A LIST for the next birthday.

A list of things that you will do before the next one.

A lot of the things that you sort-of-wish-you'd-done, you probably don't want to do them ever, you just think it'd be nice to talk about having done them.

peggyundercrackers Tue 17-Nov-15 21:40:07

I thought what you were feeling was called mid-life crisis...

Kintan Tue 17-Nov-15 21:45:22

Make a list of the things you would like to do, then from that list then you will be able to narrow down what is possible to do to make you feel more fulfilled in the short term. Long term goals are good to have too. Oh and happy birthday!

ScrambledEggAndToast Tue 17-Nov-15 22:29:55

OP, my life sounds very similar to yours. I had my son at 19 so kind of missed out on the carefree twenties that alot of people have. The idea of a bucket list is great. I have one and the big one is that when my son is 22+, depending on his situation (job, housing etc) I would like to take a year off work and travel with DP. We are already saving slowly. This is 9 years away but nice to have something in mind, perhaps you should do the same.

Seeyounearertime Tue 17-Nov-15 22:36:44

OP, I can guarantee you've done more than I have. smile
Neither uni or college, worked dead end job, never left the country, no orgies or drug binges, very few alcohol benders, not social at all. Etc.
But you shouldnt feel bad, if you regret your past, ensure you don't regret your future. Even if your milestone birthday is 90, if you've got your health you can get up andngo do whatever you like.

I'll stay here, eating flapjacks. grin

hitmenstix Wed 18-Nov-15 01:10:36

I had plenty of drug and sex binges in my youth and I always envied those who were born with conventional parents, were able to study at university, having normal jobs and relationships. My life has been very unconventional and could be seen as exciting by some but really it was just even more depressing (speaking of severe clinical psych unit depressing here) and ultimately really dull. These days I've hung up my orgy outfits and look forward to baking a lovely round of flapjacks!

Glastokitty Wed 18-Nov-15 01:39:49

If you are bored with your life then do something about it! You are responsible for your own happiness, you drive the bus/make the choices. What would you like to do? How can you go about it? Make a plan, decide that things will be different on your next birthday. You can do it, life is fun, but you need to go out and grab it, it won't just fall in your lap. Good luck, life's a ride!

Glastokitty Wed 18-Nov-15 01:43:41

If you are bored with your life then do something about it! You are responsible for your own happiness, you drive the bus/make the choices. What would you like to do? How can you go about it? Make a plan, decide that things will be different on your next birthday. You can do it, life is fun, but you need to go out and grab it, it won't just fall in your lap. Good luck, life's a ride!

Shinyhappypeople9 Wed 18-Nov-15 08:21:24

It's easy to think that everyone else is having a great life when in fact, many many people lead average to boring lives.

Seeyounearertime Wed 18-Nov-15 08:40:29

It's easy to think that everyone else is having a great life
Especially now Facebook is a thing. smile
Have to remember though that FB only shows the highlights and not necessarily the whole truth. Like selfies, you only see the best, not the 200 that came before it.

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