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AIBU to approach this 'ghost' friend? (not an actual ghost)

(13 Posts)
PetiteMere Tue 17-Nov-15 13:05:55

Earlier this year I was ‘ghosted’ by a close friend and colleague. He has form for it and has caused me a great deal of hurt over the years but like a loyal puppy I’ve kept letting him do it again and again because I thought we were such good friends. Now we are in a situation where he will avoid me at work, blank me if he has to pass me, and if we’re in meetings together he won’t even acknowledge my presence. I don’t understand what I’ve done to bring on this bizarre behaviour, there was no argument, just a sudden overnight cease of contact. As I say, he has form, so at first I just waited until he decided to contact me again but that was 6 months ago.

I’ve recently discovered he has been off sick for a time and is looking to leave the company (I know this because he is on my LinkedIn, and it had gone from being dormant to suddenly having his CV, photo and full history/skills on there). Something tells me he was off with stress – I am massively reading between the lines but it's also based on other info I’ve got. Now I’m feeling guilty that perhaps I should’ve done something, or could still do something, and that maybe I just need to talk to him and be a mate. I’d hate him to leave and neither of us get the chance to ‘have it out’ or discover we were both just being deeply paranoid and stupid. I’m not really bothered about rekindling the friendship – I think I’m better off without it – but I can’t help feeling some sense of responsibility to him.

Everyone else I’ve spoken to about this has told me to just leave it. I’ve got a pretty difficult life myself and he hasn’t exactly been ‘there’ for me. WIBU to approach him in some way before he leaves for good? Or shall I let it lie and leave it up to him if he wants to speak to me?

ImperialBlether Tue 17-Nov-15 13:09:38

You have no responsibility towards him. If he was stressed, he could have spoken to you about it. Instead he totally ignored you.

You don't want to rekindle the relationship. Your friends have told you to leave it. He's not there for you. Why put yourself in the awkward position of approaching him to ask whether his life's okay when he clearly doesn't care whether yours is or not?

Morro Tue 17-Nov-15 13:09:38

Leave well alone. This guy is not a friend. No amount of stress excuses treating a friend the way he has treated you.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Tue 17-Nov-15 13:10:58

This sounds awfully familiar, have you posted about him before?

Just leave it.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Tue 17-Nov-15 13:19:07

Why bother? He clearly wasn't enough to talk to you about it and tbh that's only your assumption.

Let sleeping dogs lie. You'll only set yourself up to be hurt again.

laffymeal Tue 17-Nov-15 15:57:02

You sound a bit obsessed with him, maybe he got that vibe and kept his distance.

Leave the guy alone, he clearly wants nothing to do with you.

springydaffs Tue 17-Nov-15 17:25:55

I don't think you sound obsessed

MizK Tue 17-Nov-15 17:33:37

If someone cuts you dead, they don't deserve to have you worrying about them. Maybe if it was a one off, I would suggest having it out but really nobody should treat you like that.
I have until recently had a friendship that was very much at the other person's convenience - she would ignore me for months until she needed me for some reason. I've now made it clear to her that I would like her to lose my number and although it was hard to end the friendship it was too draining wondering why she was treating me badly.
Better to accept it's done with than fret over it.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Tue 17-Nov-15 17:34:48

This MNetter had a similar problem and was given similar advice as you've had on this thread. wink

wheelsonabus Tue 17-Nov-15 17:35:52

You haven't done anything, some people are just twats. There is nothing you can do about him choosing to treat you this way (unless you think it's a bullying issue then your hr dept needs to know). Therefore, there is no point approaching him because he prob doesn't see any problem with how he treats you.

pluck Tue 17-Nov-15 17:44:45

Let him go, because being ignored in meetings and beyond is going to affect your work, and why would you let him do that to you? That's not even your self-esteem and social life but actually a matter of cold, hard money and your financial prospects.

Good riddance to him!

Faye12345 Tue 17-Nov-15 17:45:38

I would just leave it. There is no point racking your brains over it. However i will admit in the past i have kept distance from a work colleague who i regretted becoming friendly with as she was clearly a strange lady! Not saying this has happened here but can you pinpoint anything that has made him cut ties??

springydaffs Tue 17-Nov-15 21:48:58

It's a headfuck for him to have done that but just step away, let him go. You'll be relieved when you do.

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