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To start a ranty shouty sweary thread because everyone round here is a fuckwit

(95 Posts)
katemiddletonsothermum Tue 17-Nov-15 12:51:16

1) Tried to do up an old house. Local builder/ plumbers s ARE FUCKWITS who stuck my loo seat together with gaffer tape and had the flush button halfway down the cistern for SIX WEEKS as they were "waiting for part" - sacked them and my new plumber fixed the loo in 20 mins. All he had to do was take it apart and re-install it properly. He is nice. I like him.

2) The brand new bathroom blind didn't work. It wouldn't stay pulled down so was bloody useless. I complained to the blind man 3 weeks ago and he's only just ordered me a new one.

3) No one can fucking drive round here. I was waiting AND SIGNALLING to turn right at a junction and then BOOOM, some fuckwit slammed into the back of me and destroyed the back of my car. But he had time to beep his horn, ho yes. He had space to move over to the left of my car onto a very flat grass verge. But no. That would have got his car dirty. So he trashed his bumper and the back/side of my car instead and put me in hospital and my car took 6 weeks to repair. Fuckwit.

4) Parcelforce will not deliver a fucking parcel to the local post office - nor the main sorting office/collection office in my nearest town. So they expect me to drive 45 fucking miles to pick it up, or waste YET ANOTHER DAY sitting waiting for them, then as soon as I go to the loo they ring the doorbell and fuck off before I can answer the door.

5) The local National Trust place claims it's open all year round, but when I took the kids there it was closed and said we had to get the key from one of the neighbours. Guess what. The neighbours weren't in. I expect they were driving 45 miles to pick up a bloody Parcelforce parcel.

6) I had an altercation with a woman in a car park today who wanted me to get out of HER way even though she had plenty of room and could have easily moved round me. So I did the only decent thing and shouted "You think YOU'RE entitled? Well you're not as entitled as me. FUCK OFF."

I am in a very bad mood. Don't even tell me to breathe.

srslylikeomg Tue 17-Nov-15 12:53:19

give the blind man a break - he's lost his sight ffs!

BastardGoDarkly Tue 17-Nov-15 12:56:59

Hahaaaa there'll be plenty on in a minute to tut at your outburst to entitled lady. I though, think your response was perfect grin

Where in gods name have you moved to??!

HeartShapedBox Tue 17-Nov-15 12:58:52

grin srsly

Oh dear, Kate you are indeed surrounded by fuckwits. brew? cake? wine?

Knottyknitter Tue 17-Nov-15 12:59:30

cake? wine?

Backs away quietly...

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Tue 17-Nov-15 12:59:34

Oh dear OP.

You fume away. And move house. I think it would be good for you!

katemiddletonsothermum Tue 17-Nov-15 13:01:26

I live on the cusp between Fuckwitland and Cuntshire.

londonrach Tue 17-Nov-15 13:01:37

Hands op wine from a safe distance....

katemiddletonsothermum Tue 17-Nov-15 13:04:41

JESUS CHRIST this is true..

I am eating a fake Magnum from a German supermarket and have bit on something hard. There is a fucking HALF A TOOTH in it.

katemiddletonsothermum Tue 17-Nov-15 13:05:55


My mobile battery has self-destructed so I went to the local Carphone Warehouse to buy a new phone and they didn't even lift their eyes off their PC let alone shout out KERCHING!!

So I walked out. Without a new phone.

Useless. Bloody useless.

SoDiana Tue 17-Nov-15 13:06:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Arkkorox Tue 17-Nov-15 13:07:30

Wtf. A tooth?! Is it yours?

stuffthenonsense Tue 17-Nov-15 13:07:48

I love your response to entitled lady, I think I'll borrow that one. But as for the rest, agh! How are you not a purple faced raging loon? Hope your injuries are small and the tit who drove into you has a plumbing emergency and employs your crappy plumber

katemiddletonsothermum Tue 17-Nov-15 13:08:13

No SoDiana, I live 45 minutes away from London.

*sobs into a corner"

ExitPursuedByABear Tue 17-Nov-15 13:09:24

A Tooth!


since when did we get chocolate

Arkkorox Tue 17-Nov-15 13:10:05

chocolate shock

Queenbean Tue 17-Nov-15 13:11:23

I opened this thread thinking that you were about to start slagging off various posters on MN

Was all ready with my popcorn to watch!

am very disappointed

Tuiles Tue 17-Nov-15 13:11:49

You don't need to breathe, you need to inhale wine wine

Aramynta Tue 17-Nov-15 13:13:56

No words needed. Just [gin]

PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter Tue 17-Nov-15 13:14:14

I love the entitled statement so much I'm going to save that to use it myself.

katemiddletonsothermum Tue 17-Nov-15 13:14:30

Oh god, here's another one, speaking of medical matters (yes, I think it might be a bit of my own teeth. My mouth has obviously self-imploded with all the pottymouthedness going on)...

So, we move to a new area and I get a letter from the local child services centre thingy asking for me get my son checkout out by the school nurse for height/weight/sight and hearing. ie is he fat, blind and deaf?

His school doesn't have a school nurse so I agree with the child services woman that the local GP's nurse can do it. I make an appointment and off we trot. We walk in, I explain what I want her to do and she refuses to do it, saying that it's not her job and she doesn't have the equipment to do it. I then look pointedly at her height chart and weighing scales and say that there's no point wasting each other's time. I start walking out and she wails "Don't let's leave it like this," like a cheating boyfriend who you've just dumped would wail.

Oh fuck off! So now I need to find the local clap clinic to do my cervical smears because there's no WAY she's looking up my fanny.

BastardGoDarkly Tue 17-Nov-15 13:17:36


Word to the wise, don't go to the local dentist! Make a trip into town for your poor broken gnashers.

Boosiehs Tue 17-Nov-15 13:20:40

Oh dear LORD I thought my week was bad.



backs away slowly.

WizardOfToss Tue 17-Nov-15 13:23:55

Sorry you're surrounded by fuckwits, but on the positive side, you're bloody funny! grin

katemiddletonsothermum Tue 17-Nov-15 13:27:04


Yesterday son (age 8) forgot his homework so we went back into school to get it. He was ages so I got caught by the Head loitering in the reception area. I explained what had happened.

"Well, he's a very naughty boy," she said.

FFS, I didn't say he was the Messiah - I just said he'd forgotten his homework!

Bloody hell, it's parent's evening tonight as well.

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