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To think I am not 'uncultured' just because I can't use chopsticks

(270 Posts)
FargoFGS Tue 17-Nov-15 12:37:06

I really should be over this but it's still on my mind.

I went to a Japanese restaurant over the weekend with DP and another couple. I briefly recall DP being on the phone with his friend making arrangements and trying to change the venue but I wasn't too bothered and didn't take any notice - I thought that perhaps he just fancied something else but I now suspect that he was trying to get out of the Sushi place because I can't use chopsticks.

Anyway, his friend must have convinced him or had already made the reservation so thus the 4 of us set of to this restaurant. We ordered. All we and good so far and the food came.

The chopsticks were already laid out on the table so I asked a waiter for a fork and was met with sniggers by the girlfriend of DP's friend. I continued to use my fork (as otherwise I wouldn't have been able to eat anything) and as the conversation went on she made a comment about me being uncultured and that using chopsticks is like riding a bike or swimming. It's just one of those that everyone knows how to do.

I've now got myself a some chopsticks and watching youtube videos on how to use them as I did feel embarrassed but I think she over-stepped the mark.

2madboys Tue 17-Nov-15 12:39:26

I think in this situation the only people who were uncultured were your DP's friend's girlfriend.

I can use chopsticks because I thought it would be a fun thing to learn but no way would I imply that everyone can/should do it or that there's something wrong with you if you can't. That's incredibly rude.

momb Tue 17-Nov-15 12:40:30

She was rude.
It's only 'one of those things that everyone can do' if everyone is taught to do it, like swimming.
When I serve Chinese food I put out chopsticks and spoons but if we have guests I put out a fork for everyone too so no-one feels awkward.
The restaurant wouldn't have had forks unless they were required, and asking for a fork is a hell of a lot more cultured than stabbing the nigiri and eating them like a lollipop!

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Tue 17-Nov-15 12:42:34

She sounds like a dick. I worked in a Chinese restaurant and I'd say only about 50% of people can use chopsticks. I've spent a lot of time with Chinese people and I don't use them particularly well.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Tue 17-Nov-15 12:42:48

She's a wanker.

Don't go out with them again.

LegoRuinedMyFinances Tue 17-Nov-15 12:44:37

Wagamama's have children's chopsticks, which are slightly thicker and easier to learn if you want to OP, our DC don't use them as they don't want to, but they teach the grabbing motion.

The girlfriend was rude. I wouldn't go out again with this couple as I prefer to spend my evenings in the company of nice people, regardless of how well she used chopsticks.

Hatethis22 Tue 17-Nov-15 12:46:09

She was incredibly rude to say that to you.

Fieryfighter Tue 17-Nov-15 12:46:10

That was incredibly rude of her! How ignorant. I'm sure the restaurant often has people asking for a fork.

On another more, I bought these rookie chopsticks for my kids to learn on, they then progressed to normal ones. They were £1 in my local hardware shop though.

abbieanders Tue 17-Nov-15 12:46:36

Why do you believe that the reason your partner tried to get out of it was chopsticks?

Well someone at the table was "uncultured" and it wasn't you. It is extremely bad manners to make someone feel uncomfortable in a social situation especially when its done to make yourself feel superior.

SurelyYoureJokingMrFeynman Tue 17-Nov-15 12:47:33

She ate sushi with chopsticks? shock

Doesn't she know the correct way to eat sushi is with your fingers! Uncultured barbarian! wink

VagueIdeas Tue 17-Nov-15 12:49:51

I can't be arsed to learn how to use chopsticks when a fork is quicker and doesn't involve dribbling noodles all over my face.

I used to know someone who loved using chopsticks so much she'd use them to eat pasta. But they're not for me.

PittacusLore Tue 17-Nov-15 12:50:16

I can use chopsticks - my granddad taught me when I was little. And I've taught my dc to use them (because it's quite fun to do).

But I rarely use them when eating as I hate the feel of wood in my mouth. I also prefer to use a knife and fork.

I was out for a meal a while ago with some women I hadn't met before. One of them was quite patronizing about my using a knife and fork and not being able to use chop sticks. I couldn't be bothered to put her right, I'm sure the rest of them were more embarrassed by her daft snobbery than by my choice of cutlery.


RiceCrispieTreats Tue 17-Nov-15 12:51:11

She is rude. Having no manners is worse than lacking cultural skills and knowledge: manners have no borders.

IF your partner was trying to get out of it for the reasons you say, then he doesn't sound like he thinks much of you either. But there's not enough to go from your OP.

By the way, sushi is eaten with one's fingers by the most cultured in Japan (although most will happily use chopsticks too)... Pick it up with your fingers, dip the fish side in soy sauce if desired (not the rice side; it would crumble), and put in mouth. No chopsticks! smile

Believeitornot Tue 17-Nov-15 12:52:49

Anyone who would point out someone's inability to use chopsticks is in the same bracket as a grammar snob IMO.

The height of rude!

EnaSharplesHairnet Tue 17-Nov-15 12:54:17

I wouldn't rush back to share her company.

Taking the long view and be glad she has shown herself to you before you invested anymore in the friendship.

I always have struggled with chopsticks. A good friend (with kind manners) would have none of it and promised to train me up: half way through the meal she begged the waitstaff for a fork!

HackerFucker22 Tue 17-Nov-15 12:56:14

God what a fucking bitch!!!

Gatehouse77 Tue 17-Nov-15 12:56:20

She's the one who's uncultured and rude for making such a statement!

I remember when I was 7 I assumed everyone could use chopsticks and read music because I could - but it didn't take me long to realise that whilst I could do those things, due entirely to my upbringing and nothing else, there were plenty of other things I couldn't do that they could.

She also shows herself up to be ignorant.

Stand tall and good luck mastering chopsticks grin

KinkyAfro Tue 17-Nov-15 12:56:07

I can't use chopsticks either and I'm not arsed, I can get it in my gob quicker with a fork. Don't let the others shame you into using them useless you really want to. Fork with pride!

SiegeofEnnis Tue 17-Nov-15 12:57:47

This 'friend' as well as being rude,mannerless and juvenile, is wrong - a lot of top sushi masters in Japan don't want their customers to eat sushi with chopsticks, but with their hands. You would only use the chopsticks to take some wasabi or whatever, and you're given handtowels to wipe your hands.

Though what stands out from your post is why your DH was trying to alter the restaurant reservation without saying anything to you! Why would the use/non-use of chopsticks be such a big deal in a western Japanese restaurant, where they are used to providing forks?

SparklyTinselTits Tue 17-Nov-15 12:58:58

Should have stabbed the bitch in the eye with your fucking chopstick angry
My DH and I were in YO Sushi a while ago, and there's me, struggling to eat my food with one of those weird little wooden ice cream spoons, and a little girl, can't have been more than 5, was sat behind me using chopsticks perfectly blush now that was slightly embarrassing

FargoFGS Tue 17-Nov-15 12:59:39

abbieanders RiceCrispieTreats regarding my thinking that DP was trying to get out of it is something I've figured out now that I've thought about it. We've been out with this couple before and his friend would often speak to DP for all of 5 mins just to say "We're going to xx restaurant, let's meet at xx place, at xx time, see you soon" but on Saturday it seemed like he was pushing for Mexican, Caribbean, pretty much anything else but Sushi.

SurelyYoureJokingMrFeynman I had no idea that Sushi is actually properly eaten with fingers. I think had I done so she might have imploded. She was (admittedly) very adept at using chopsticks. Even showing off at one point - though I think I might have imagined that just because I was stuck with a fork.

I really should be over this as it's not a big deal but I feel annoyed with myself for not saying anything to her at the time and now watching these videos in the hope of not repeating the same. I was very embarrassed and felt very small.

Apologies for typos in my OP, I'm clearly a uncultured on counts. Is that even a word?

SiegeofEnnis Tue 17-Nov-15 13:02:45

But is your DP 'ashamed' of you for not being able to use chopsticks or something? Otherwise why try to change the restaurant? Or did he know in advance Little Miss SneeryChopstick would be waiting for the opportunity to have a go? In which case, why go out with such awful people???

FargoFGS Tue 17-Nov-15 13:03:03

Not to drip feed but if it's important at the point she made the comment she was quite tipsy. I don't drink so I remember everything. Not even sure if she recalls it.

Mrsfrumble Tue 17-Nov-15 13:03:32

I can imagine it's very difficult to use chopsticks with certain medical conditions that can affects joints or muscle tone or motor skills. How did the woman know you weren't affected by any of these? She's extremely rude!

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