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Who is being u? Friend's dp tagging along

(81 Posts)
MeMyMine Mon 16-Nov-15 20:58:46

I live far away from lots of friends and family. Came back to my area for a week and tried to arrange seeing people. Obviously it's hard because they have their own lives but if they can fit me in I really appreciate it!

Had long-standing brunch plans with good friend who I knew in her single days and was v close to until I moved away, and a mutual (girl) friend. Plan was for a long gossipy catchup. Ex colleague then turns up with dp in tow - he had plans with his friends but these fell through so wanted to join at the last min.

Aib precious to feel a bit annoyed? I like him but wanted a catchup without him there really. I'm single so had my fair share of boy gossip to report and I haven't seen her in months! They live together so see each other all the time. I obv won't say anything but I feel quite sad about it

Hepzibar Mon 16-Nov-15 21:00:23

YABU. It's not just about you.

MeMyMine Mon 16-Nov-15 21:01:30

I know! But is it wrong to want to see your friend by herself on the few occasions I do see her?

theycallmemellojello Mon 16-Nov-15 21:03:12

I think it's crossed wires. Not u for you to want to see her alone but also not u for someone with a partner to include them in social plans. Be more specific next time about wanting to see her alone.

TheComforter Mon 16-Nov-15 21:04:21

I think, that in the future, you need to make it explicitly clear that it is a girl's night (ignoring how much MN hates that phrase).

MeMyMine Mon 16-Nov-15 21:06:21

I just don't understand how everyone comes as a two really! We're both still really young so no families yet or anything, I like him of course but some things aren't appropriate to discuss with him there?

Chrysanthemum5 Mon 16-Nov-15 21:07:38

I think YANBU I find it odd people saying you should have been clear it was 'girls' only. If DH is out with his friends and my plans fall through i wouldn't expect to join them. If you're meeting someone do you really need to have a discussion where you outline exactly who is invited? Surely common sense would tell you that?

moreshitandnofuckingredemption Mon 16-Nov-15 21:08:49

I think YANBU

celtictoast Mon 16-Nov-15 21:10:44

YABU. If you don't specify, I can see why someone would think it fine to come along either with or without their partner.

MeMyMine Mon 16-Nov-15 21:11:04

Thanks. Thing is, I do totally get that sometimes you'll want to do stuff with your friends and dp, of course. But I just think if say my dp was meeting friends who I'd met before, liked but who he hadn't seen in a while, I'd probably think that they wanted to discuss things together without me there!

GabiSolis Mon 16-Nov-15 21:11:06

YANBU. A courtesy call or text to you asking if it's okay would've been appropriate. It was quite rude for her to just turn up with him without checking with you first.

BathshebaDarkstone Mon 16-Nov-15 21:11:16


Waltermittythesequel Mon 16-Nov-15 21:13:30

YANBU but MN if full of clingy, needy types who can't go to Asda without their other halves, so I'm not sure you'll get much joy here.

Twowrongsdontmakearight Mon 16-Nov-15 21:16:44

Good God. Of course you're not being U! Why would anyone bring their DP to a girl's lunch? Did you invite him? Very odd.

TheSconeOfStone Mon 16-Nov-15 21:17:40

YANBU. I would never drag DH along without him being invited. I hate it when a random DP/DH turns up to an otherwise ladies only gathering. It's changes the dynamic.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Mon 16-Nov-15 21:18:10

YANBU but is she ok? Is he being possessive/jealous/controlling?

Andylion Mon 16-Nov-15 21:18:11

YANBU. At the very least she could have asked if you minded. Of course, then you'd have had to have said, "Um, well, I thought it would be nice for just the two us to catch up".

MeMyMine Mon 16-Nov-15 21:19:18

Thanks, yeah, as I mentioned I do like him but it just completely changes the dynamic. He's absolutely not possessive or controlling - he had plans but his friends couldn't make it so she asked if he wanted to come along and he agreed, I think

Zucker Mon 16-Nov-15 21:19:31

YANBU I imagine it changed the entire focus of conversation?

MuddlingMackem Mon 16-Nov-15 21:20:33

YANBU at all.

A couple of years ago I met up with two female friends for a meal and a catch up. We hadn't seen each other properly in years. The boyfriend of one of them happened to bump into us so friend asked if it would be okay if he joined us. I said no, it was a girls' night (other friend and I had both left our DHs at home), so he went home and we had a proper girlie catch up. As it should be. smile

MeMyMine Mon 16-Nov-15 21:21:11

Zucker: completely! I had so much to talk to her about that wasn't really appropriate I front of him (eg dating advice) and of course we couldn't discuss mutual friends etc as that would be rude (he doesn't know them) - just small talk really

MorrisZapp Mon 16-Nov-15 21:22:19

Of course yanbu. I've never specified in my life that lunch with friends doesn't mean partners, why would it?

She's annoying.

ImperialBlether Mon 16-Nov-15 21:24:20

I don't understand how anyone can do that. You arranged to meet her, not both of them. Of course it changes the whole dynamic of the meeting if someone else is there.

And Hepzibar, what do you mean "It's not just about you"? That's a stupid thing to say!

MsVestibule Mon 16-Nov-15 21:32:30

YADNBU. Her bringing her boyfriend, or even another female friend, completely changes the dynamic, and what you can talk about. Why on earth would she ask him to come along, just because his plans had fallen through?!

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Mon 16-Nov-15 21:33:00

YADNBU. Brunch = girly gossip. You can't talk about what you'd like too.

I hate when couples have to do everything together.

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