Back story best friends through school drifted apart during our early 20's uni/relocation etc last 3 years since we've both moved to home town we've been very close. We see each other weekly sometimes a couple of times a week with our families or just us.
I've had some bad news in the last week- really sad potentially and very worrying- health problem but dont want to out myself.
I was a wreck the day I found out and didn't contact anyone the next day I saw this friend and others had messaged me to ask how hosp app had gone I sent very brief msg back saying very badly and I was worried sick.
My other friends were in touch with offers of help/or have been generally checking up popping round.
But this friend send a couple of msg saying oh no that's awful kind of thing and that was it no calls, popping round I've not seen her in over a week. She is a busy person and has lots on but I would have thought she could have spared 5 mins to call me or at least arranged a time we could meet up.
I feel really let down by her. This is the first time she's needed to have supported me really since we got close again and she's not been here for me- I really questioning how much our friendship meant to her. Before this if the situation were the other way round I would and have before been there for her and offered help. Am I expecting too much or is this shitty?!
AIBU?
Or has my friend been quite shit actually?
Woodenheart101 · 16/11/2015 12:34
She might well be giving you space.
If you didn't contact her for a day after your appointment (bearing in mind she messaged asking how it went) then sent a very brief reply she might think you need a bit of time first.
If you need her, ask for her help, if you want to talk to her, call or message her, she probably doesn't know how to react and doesn't want to invade your space.
If you ask for her help, or to talk and she isn't there for you then write her off as a shit friend.
Hope you are ok op 
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear that you have received bad news about your health, it must be a very worrying time for you.
But, I do think you are being unreasonable. She has been in touch, she's text to offer sympathy and to see how you are. Perhaps she hasn't been round as she is giving you some space and is waiting to be asked?
I think in this situation I wouldn't be turning up on the doorstep in case my friend didn't feel ready to talk, knowing that they would call and ask me when they did feel ready to.
Maybe ask her if you can meet up? I vet she'll be there like a shot when she knows that you want her to be 
I think she might be giving you some space or she has had, or knows someone close to her, who has a similar health scare and she has kept her distance as she is finding hard to deal with it.
Why not message her and say you'd like to meet up to talk about it? Her reaction to that will tell you if she is truly your friend.
Take care of yourself
I'm sorry you've had bad news.
I've been in a similar boat with one of my oldest friends and I felt very hurt by what felt like her dismissiveness or lack of interest.
This was a couple of years ago now, and I think I've rationalised it now in that she probably really does care but is quite crap at dealing with things like that and chooses to bury her head as it's the only thing that she can cope with as a response. As friends go, I've now classified her as a good time girl but as a result of this she's not really someone that I confide in about anything significant, nor do I really expect any emotional support anymore. She is actually quiet wrapped up in herself, and that's not something I realised until all that happened.
I feel for you as it is very hurtful when a friendship is tested and comes out differently to the way you might have expected. It's hurtful when you realise that what you would gladly give someone isn't going to be willingly returned. You can salvage the relationship if you can accept this but it does make you view it differently.
Focus on the people who can give you what you need at this time. I wish you all the best and hope that everything goes well for you.
shit friend. i don't know how you justify not replying to 'very badly, worried sick.' tbh. no response is crap to put it mildly.
unfortunately when times are tough is when you find out who your real friends are.
She's a shitty friend.
You have my greatest sympathy OP as I am going through this myself. Found out some dreadful and frightening health news 2 weeks ago. My own sister didn't even send as much as a text, despite repeated prompts from our Mum. It's all blown up into something of a family row and I am in pieces.
I would advise not telling her she's being hurtful, as in my experience people like this do not like to be criticized. Therefore jump on the defensive and somehow it's all turned around to be your fault. The last thing you need when you're already seriously ill is to feel so stressed too. So, my advice? Forget her, concentrate on the people who are there for you.
I honestly wish I had kept my mouth shut as this is the lowest I have ever felt in my life.
I hope you are ok and your health is improving.
Bloody hell, potato. That is NO EXCUSE.
How do they think we're 'coping with it'?? Too bad they 'can't cope with it' - it's not their thing. I can't believe you've presented your argument as though it is somehow legit. It doesn't take much - but apparently that's too much for some people because they 'can't cope' 
Then they can fuck right off.
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