To resent MIL for ruining a big family event? (sorry, long post)(173 Posts)
MNHQ have commented on this thread.
I am wrestling with my feelings about this. It was my baby daughter's christening yesterday which we also rolled in with a celebration of my birthday since it was a ‘big’ birthday (i.e. turning a decade). It was one of those rare opportunities to get family members together in one place for a joyous occasion. It was also meant to be an opportunity to show my appreciation for the Godparents who are making an important commitment to ‘be there’ for my daughter in the future for which I am very grateful.
I organized the event singlehandedly, battling tiredness to do a lot of it late at night as it’s the only time I could find (I have an older DS too, my DH works long hours so wasn’t in a position to help, and my daughter still wakes up every 2-3 hours in the night).
Everything was going really well and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves at the post-christening buffet lunch in our house. DS even surprised me by opening a bottle of our old wedding champagne – I had no idea we still had any! For a couple of minutes I had one of those dreamy moments where I was thinking I wanted to remember this moment forever!
Then, everything changed. Someone asked me to call an ambulance. My mother-in-law was carried out of the room. Another room was cleared of children and turned into a hospital zone. One of the Godparents is a doctor and my sister-in-law is a nurse so they took over, focusing on reviving her. The doctor send her husband home to get her medical equipment to do some tests. Meanwhile my MIL came round. It seems she had fainted but was fortunately caught before she hit the floor. We were getting more hopeful that this wasn’t too serious. Then she started to vomit, covering herself, the living room and SIL in vomit. And so, it went on, various people running around fetching buckets of water, clean clothes, more calls to emergency services to ascertain if an ambulance should come or not.
Needless to say the atmosphere was ruined and the focus was now on my MIL and what was wrong. People were offering to go home early to get out of the way and leave us to it. Then, more information started to filter out. It seems she wasn’t taking some medicine she had been prescribed by the doctor. The medicine was supposed to calm an inflamed stomach, which it seemed she had developed the week before, and was also supposed to prevent vomiting which would be a symptom of her inflamed stomach condition (it was not food poisoning or a stomach bug). It also seems she had repeatedly insisted on closing a patio door that had been opened to let in fresh air when the room was getting hot and stuffy with all the people standing around, oven heating food etc. Then she had said she ‘needed some air’ and passed out! Knowing all this, now, I can’t help feeling that my MIL brought this on herself and ruined a lovely family event. At the same time I feel guilty for thinking this because she obviously didn’t fall ill intentionally and we were very worried at first.
She’s OK now, just needed a few hours to recover, but that was basically the rest of the event and some time afterwards when we should have been clearing up. DH drove her home afterwards and I’m still clearing up the last of the vomit today (she vomited in more than one part of the house!).
So, having taken stock, I know it wasn’t serious and could have been avoided by simply behaving sensibly and taking prescribed medicine. Am I being unreasonable for resenting her for ruining this event?
She didn't ruin it, the church part was what it was all about. The after bit at your house was just food and drink before people went home..... The main event was fine wasn't it?
No. Not in the slightest. You can come on here and REALLY HATE HER FOR IT.
Then, if you have vented enough, you will be able to deal with her in a more humane manner.
If I were you I would support your DH to support his mum. You don't have to be eager to get involved.
And maybe in a month or 3 you could ask if she has got over the embarrassment of ruining both christening and birthday party - cos you wouldn't want her to feel bad about it, would you?
Unless she has a history of being over dramatic and trying to make events all about her you're going to have to forgive her idiocy at not taking her medication as we can all make stupid mistakes.
If however she's a big thunder stealer, huffer and attention seeker then no, you're not unreasonable.
Oh dear, how selfish of your MIL to be ill and ruin your day. I'm sure it took her weeks of meticulous planning to get the timing spot on .
I think you need to go back to the writing course. It's kind of ok, but a few too many paragraphs and exclamation marks,
I can totally understand why you would feel resentful and also guilty for feeling that way! I guess the key question is, does she have form for wanting to be the centre of attention? If she (subconsciously?) refrained from taking her meds for the purpose of being the focus of the day then I think you are right to (privately) feel resentment. If it's totally out of character then obviously she needs sympathy for what sounds like a really nasty condition.
Oh.My.God. Get the f* over yourself and bloody grow up!
Your MIL was ill and you are angry with her?!!
Disgraceful! I hope you manged to hide your ugly attitude and petty thoughts from your poor MIL and guests.
Are you seriously suggesting she deliberately made herself unwell to steal the limelight?! To be honest this sounds more your style
I can totally understand your upset at a level occasion being overturned by someone getting ill, and I can also understand you being irked that it was preventable. However, unless your MIL had form for perfectly timing illness to coincide with events where someone else is the centre of attention I'd try and move past it.
Hang on to the lovely feeling of everyone getting together for you and your family - that sentiment is still there.
She was taken ill. The medication you describe is a new one for her. She's probably still getting into the routine of taking it.
Are you suggesting that she deliberately forgot to take her medication? That she kept the doors closed on purpose so that she would feel ill?
I get that you are very disappointed in how the occasion went. Its ok to feel disappointed.
But to resent your MIL for it is going a step too far.
Give yourself a shake.
Why is everyone being so harsh?
YANBU OP - if MIL wasn't well, she should have stayed home. And she should have taken her medication at least.
Does she have a history of attention seeking?
My uncle died at my cousins wedding everyone thought he was so selfish for picking that day to die of all days. We were furious. Oh no wait...... That would not make sense actually we were all extremely sad even my cousin whose day was actually ruined.
I am wrestling with my feelings about this
I think yanbu
I would be disappointed and slightly annoyed she was irresponsible.
Is there a back story to this? Does she have attention seeking tendencies?
Actually, I have some sympathy with you, and I really don't get the sense that you're the heartless woman that some posters are trying to depict you as. She chose not to take the medicine she was prescribed, and she then chose to go to an event where she knew that she would be standing around and would probably be eating and drinking things that would inflame her stomach. It was a totally avoidable crisis. At the same time, obviously she didn't intend this to happen and you are recognising that.
If I were you, I'd try and get this moved from AIBU, it is obvious that the massed vipers are gathering to kick you hard and often.
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