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To stop being friends with him because of this?

(23 Posts)
Fratelli Sun 15-Nov-15 20:27:42

I've been friends with someone for 9 years, we get along really well and we've been there for each other through difficult times etc. We've not seen each other so much since having my baby but I think that's pretty normal.

I text to ask how he was and he said he'd met a girl and I asked what she was like. He then sent me a photo of her posing in her underwear which she had taken herself clearly meant for him. I was shocked and felt awful for her and confused as to why he had been such a knob! I know how upset I would be if someone sent a photo of me round their friends!

Aibu to take a step back from the friendship? Just before anyone suggests it I'm not jealous or anything like that, we have a platonic friendship and I have a dp and baby!

PrussianPrue Sun 15-Nov-15 20:29:49

I think that if you're a good enough friend and he's never seemed like a knob before then you should tell him that sending that message was a really shit thing for him to do and he should get a grip.

MammaTJ Sun 15-Nov-15 20:32:47

Yeah, tell him he has been a knob and done something that you and probably his GF would see as unacceptable but not lose him as a friend over. It might be that he thought because you are (presumably) female, it was ok! Hopefully he would not send it to a male friend.

RealityCheque Sun 15-Nov-15 20:32:57

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TesticleOfObjectivity Sun 15-Nov-15 20:35:54

Reality isn't the whole point of mumsnet that people can ask for help, advice and support about a whole host of things, ranging from deadly serious to the more light hearted? What has the op done wrong?

TesticleOfObjectivity Sun 15-Nov-15 20:42:01

And op I think you should ask your friend why he sent it and explain why you disagree with his behaviour. You should be able to judge from his reaction whether the friendship is one you're want to pursue. He might not have meant anything malicious, he might not have given it much thought. I have to say I wouldn't have sent on a private photo of my dp to any of my friends.

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 15-Nov-15 20:43:11

Reality so why are you on mumsnet? hmm

OP if he is a good friend tell him to not be a knob and tell him why it's completely inappropriate.

MummaV Sun 15-Nov-15 20:46:43

I agree with PP if he's a really good friend tell him what he's done is completely shit.

Fratelli Sun 15-Nov-15 20:49:36

No need for the snottiness Reality!

Thanks everyone else. This might be drip feeding but he does objectify women sometimes and this just felt like a step too far! I told him it was inappropriate and he replied with "haha she's fit though" hmm

Oysterbabe Sun 15-Nov-15 20:51:17

Wouldn't bother me to be honest. Sounds like he just wanted to show off how hot his new GF is to you. If you'd back away from the friendship over that then you aren't good friends.

theycallmemellojello Sun 15-Nov-15 20:53:54

Yeah if you've said it's inappropriate and he's just laughed it off, he's probably not a good friend to have (especially as a woman). Sorry op, it's disappointing but I think your instincts are right.

WitchWay Sun 15-Nov-15 21:01:43

Glad you called him out on it. He seems to think you;re another bloke hmm

Perhaps he wants a threesome

Fratelli Sun 15-Nov-15 21:03:39

Witchway I really hope that wasn't his angle!

Waltermittythesequel Sun 15-Nov-15 21:05:11

Why are you friends with him?!

SeaMagic Sun 15-Nov-15 21:06:09

I would be really appalled if a friend of mine did this.

I'd think he was a right dick and immature to boot.

How old is he, 16? hmm

WitchWay Sun 15-Nov-15 21:11:27

Sorry I was was being a bit silly. He does seem to think you're a "mate" though, which may or may not be a good thing confused

ChipInTheSugar Sun 15-Nov-15 21:12:30

But if he's sending it to you, how many of his male mates is he sending it too? And I bet the gf is none the wiser.

FabergeEggs Sun 15-Nov-15 21:16:10

The OP has enabled his objectification of women for as long as she has been friends with him. Bit rich to start clutching pearls now.

Fratelli Sun 15-Nov-15 21:22:01

It is something a 16 year old would do Seamagic! I know witchway, yes he does!

Chipinthesugar that was my thought exactly. I feel awful for her and I'm so shocked at him. The previous comments he made were more in a jokey manner but I called him out on it anyway.

Faberge how on earth do you know that? What a strange comment to make! I've always pulled him up on it every time. This is just something I never thought he would do.

ForChina Sun 15-Nov-15 22:38:18

He sounds like a wanker.

TesticleOfObjectivity Mon 16-Nov-15 12:54:19

I don't think I could be friends with someone like him myself, I suppose it depends how much that kind of behaviour bothers you. As a woman, I don't think I could feel that someone who seemed to have so little respect for other women, really saw me as an equal.

cailindana Mon 16-Nov-15 13:32:53

Yes I think it's time to take a step back from this friendship. He has shown you very clearly that he has no respect for women.

yorkshapudding Mon 16-Nov-15 15:05:10

My first thought was that he fancies you and it was a very clumsy, inappropriate way to try to make you jealous. Either way, it shows a complete lack of respect for his new GF and for you. Why on earth would he think you'd want to see that??

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