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to think I'm being taken for a mug?

(10 Posts)
lightupmynight Sun 15-Nov-15 19:01:55

Last month a friend messaged me to say she was desperate and would I pay her phone bill of over £50. I've known this person for a good 6 years and shes never asked me this before so I did.

I was told she would pay me back at the start of this month. She wanted to meet up and give me the money. This happened last Sunday and this Sunday and both times she has cancelled on me - today she cancelled on me because she said she needed to go to church confused ... in the whole time I've known her she has never been to church.

I've text her my bank account details and shes purposely not read my text (its on whatsapp so I can see from her time stamp that shes been after I sent it)

I hate thinking the worst of people but really I get the feeling I might as well get mug tattooed on my forehead sad

theycallmemellojello Sun 15-Nov-15 19:05:36

Well she is obviously having difficulty finding the money and is embarrassed and burying your head in the sand. I think you might get better results if you suggest a payment plan or just let her know that it's ok if she doesn't have the money, you'd prefer she just talk to you. I wouldn't assume she is taking you for a mug, sounds like she's having serious financial problems. Don't come over all debt collector on her if you don't need the money urgently yourself.

holeinmyheart Sun 15-Nov-15 19:07:47

Yep. Sorry but I would never lend anyone money after the first time I was let down. Don't lend unless you can afford to lose the money.

You have a choice now. Go and see her without making an appointment, so she can't avoid you and ask for your money back with a time scale.
Then if nothing happens sadly you can ' kiss your money' and your so called friend goodbye'

lightupmynight Sun 15-Nov-15 19:09:33

Don't come over all debt collector on her if you don't need the money urgently yourself.

I haven't.

She was the one who suggested meeting up both Sundays.

I've never once mentioned the money until she brings it up. The only timeI've mentioned it on my own was today by texting her my bank details.

She also went out for dinner yesterday.

bobsalong Sun 15-Nov-15 19:14:28

I think theycallme's idea of a payment plan is good, but it does kind of let her off the hook a bit because she could just as easily avoid paying that too, and then you could be waiting even longer to get it back. Unless you get her to pay half this payday and half next?

If it was me, I think I'd call round but I'd make a point of saying "look, if things are still tough just say, I just want to make sure I'll get it back because it's a lot of money for me to give away."

VulcanWoman Sun 15-Nov-15 19:18:36

OP, you're not the one in the wrong, she is. I think if it was me I'd leave her to it now and just put it down to a lesson learnt. I don't like liars.

theycallmemellojello Sun 15-Nov-15 19:19:28

I just think that the cancelling twice makes it seem like she plans to pay then realises she can't and feels to embarrassed to see you and explain. So the first thing to do is to work out what's going on. Find out if she can pay, if she can't what's stopping her, when she will be able to, etc. just texting her your bank details when she's clearly got herself into a bit of a state might not be the best way to get your money back. Try to open a dialogue - this is one of those situations where what makes it easier for her also makes it easier for you.

holeinmyheart Sun 15-Nov-15 22:06:25

Mmmm.. and she went out to dinner yesterday, 'oh dear'
This situation is going to eat away at you. You are between a rock and a hard place.
If you don't ask her in person for the money back NOW , you feel like a mug.
If you ask her for the money back and nothing is paid back then your friendship is in danger of collapsing.
If she never gives you the money back, can you forgive her, never mention it again and go on with your friendship?.......I thought not.

Ask her in person, then you will know what the score is. Otherwise you are thinking,worrying and rehearsing various scenarios. Thought waves have never restored money to its rightful owner.
So sorry OP as I think your money has gone and sadly I think your friendship will follow.
I sincerely hope that I am wrong.
Will you let us know how you get on?

VulcanWoman Sun 15-Nov-15 23:48:09

Just wanted to add to my previous post, I would have no more to do with her either.

Unreasonablebetty Mon 16-Nov-15 00:59:27

Hmm... It does sound like she might be avoiding you.
Does she have form for running off when she gets embarassed,
Please try not to judge her too quickly in regards to going out for dinner, maybe whoever she dined with paid, maybe she paid with points she had saved. Maybe she figured that I owe £50 to lightupmynight but my dinners going to cost me £20, maybe she doesn't see it as she's bumped you, but just sees it as, oh that costs less, and I'll replace it by next Time I see her.

I think going to visit her may be the only way....
You will know her quite well after six years, what's she like? Is she a user?

I've got a friend who I've had for just shy of seven years, I've never asked her for a penny.... Or anyone else in our group of friends.
She knows that if I asked to borrow money it would be because I really needed it, and if she didn't get it back when I said she would, she would be more concerned about me, than the money because to her and everyone else we know, it would be so far from my personality... How does that fit with her? Does she borrow money off of people?

I also want to say, I saw some brilliant advice here once, if someone asks for money, tell them that yes you are prepared to gift them with the amount, or smaller amount, you do not expect it back as its a gift, but you would prefer that they never ask you for money again.
I really thought that was great.

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