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To have little sympathy when my DCs hurt themselves from fighting each other

(58 Posts)
LocatingLocatingLocating Sun 15-Nov-15 09:19:37

They fight quite a bit, sometimes quite physically. I attempt to stop them obviously, but I just get worn out from constantly separating them, telling them off etc.

DD just got kicked in the cheek by DS and is cross with me for not rushing downstairs to respond to her cries. She was sitting on DS, wrestling him, when he (accidentally I think) kicked her.

To my mind, if you fight you're going to get hurt. Life lesson. And I'm fed up with being referee. AIBU?

Oysterbabe Sun 15-Nov-15 09:23:26

I think yanbu. I remember my brothers constantly wrestling and being left to it. It's a learning process for them. I think it's OK if it's a two way thing rather than one picking on the other.

Sighing Sun 15-Nov-15 09:24:26

God no, mine get pretty short shrift. When they both fight/ get physical I'm all out of the milk of human kindness. I allow them to see I'm appalled by their violence and they're sent to their rooms, no matter the tears. They also know having friends round will be 'out' for a fortnight (if they can't be civil with family i can't trust them around friends).

Snossidge Sun 15-Nov-15 09:24:47

I don't get involved unless someone is bleeding.

poorbuthappy Sun 15-Nov-15 09:25:03

Yep blood or loss of limb.

LocatingLocatingLocating Sun 15-Nov-15 09:25:39

sighing I need to be more hardcore.

Frusso Sun 15-Nov-15 09:26:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AwfulBeryl Sun 15-Nov-15 09:26:55

Is it rough play then or actually fighting...?
My dts do both.
I agree with you if they're playing rough then they will probably get hurt at some point, their friends really like wrestling and playing rough too. I did when I was younger. As long as they stop when someone tells them to - if they're hurt or aren't enjoying it anymore then it's fine.

EatDessertFirst Sun 15-Nov-15 09:27:32

YANBU. If there is no blood or bits falling off, I am not interested. Refereeing is exhausting, and I refuse to be shouty mum all the time.

LocatingLocatingLocating Sun 15-Nov-15 09:28:59

It starts as play fighting but can spiral.

AwfulBeryl Sun 15-Nov-15 09:30:10

I don't get involved unless there is blood or serious crying either, tbh they usual just hurt themselves cry for a couple of seconds then get back to it.

AwfulBeryl Sun 15-Nov-15 09:33:49

Ah yes, same here too. I am less lenient with hurting to Intent fighting, horse play fine, hurting not.
Thing is my dts really are as bad as each other so the injured party isn't necessarily the innocent one.
I separate them for 10 minuets or so in different rooms, give them the talk, get them to make up then send them outside to bounce on the trampoline.

BeautifulLiar Sun 15-Nov-15 09:37:59

What about if DD (4) winds up DS (7; autistic and poss ADHD) and he lashes out and hurts her? I never know which side to be on!

megletthesecond Sun 15-Nov-15 09:39:40

Yanbu. I'd never get anything done if I was constantly breaking up squabbles and fights. How I love preparing dinner with the sounds of hollering in the background hmm .

They're lovely at school and with their friends. It's just each other they're trying to kill.

Enjolrass Sun 15-Nov-15 09:40:07

They get short shrift from me too.

I check it's not serious and tell them straight.

Grilledaubergines Sun 15-Nov-15 09:40:57

Just had this very situation. Asked them to get dressed. They start arguing. Then fighting. I tell them to stop. Then "are you ok, sorry I didn't mean to hurt you" is heard. I went in there and told them that having told them to stop I couldn't care less if they got injured and frankly if one of them took the others head of their shoulders, it wouldn't rouse any more interest from me.

Snossidge Sun 15-Nov-15 09:44:11

Beautiful - you don't have to take sides. She shouldn't wind him up, he shouldn't hit her. Though if you're handing out punishments then hitting a 4yo is worse than winding up a 7yo.

thebestfurchinchilla Sun 15-Nov-15 09:44:51

Yanbu I'm the same.

DoreenLethal Sun 15-Nov-15 09:45:33

My nieces used to do this when they stayed with us.

One of my rules before they set foot over my threshold is 'if you fight one of you WILL get hurt [cue Alan Sugar voice and pointy finger]. If one of you does get hurt it's your own fault for fighting. You feel me?'

If they do fight and I get the 'she said/did this' I refer them to my no fighting rule and tell them I am not getting involved in she said/did nonsense. Just don't and nobody will get hurt.

They haven't done it at mine now for a few years as they know they get no sympathy when one of them does start crying.

RickOShay Sun 15-Nov-15 09:47:22

Yes. Bored bored bored bored of telling them not to hurt each other, how it makes them feel bad etc etc etc etc. Now I only ask if anyone is bleeding.
Yanbu.

AuntieStella Sun 15-Nov-15 09:51:23

My younger two fight all the damned time (well, that's how it seems).

Yes, I leave them to it quite a lot, as I can't really tell the difference from genuine distress and general fighting noises. They do have a safety word, and AFAIK respect it.

BeautifulLiar Sun 15-Nov-15 09:51:53

Thanks Snoss - I nearly always come down harder on the 7 year old. He winds ME up! blush

MothertotheLordsofmisrule Sun 15-Nov-15 09:59:33

I get the "Muuuumm! [insert name of child] is kicking/hitting/sitting on me" after I've told one of them to stay away from the other to avoid being hurt etc

I give up and just shrug. Can't even be bothered to say "I told you so"

Stanky Sun 15-Nov-15 10:14:24

I have little sympathy pretty much any time they get hurt now. I feel like I'm constantly telling them to be careful, look where they're going and to slow down. They never listen.

AnyoneFucoffee Sun 15-Nov-15 10:18:52

Nope, No sympathy here either.

Nor when one of them gets hurt on the stairs. I've told them eleventy billion times to walk up and down sensibly but they don't.

If one took a tumble from top to bottom I'd be mildly sympathetic, but when it's just one or two stairs? Check they're not hurt and send them on their way.

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