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Saying they "want to see the kids"

(28 Posts)
Addictedtocustardcreams Sat 14-Nov-15 20:08:08

In-laws have taken to saying either "I want to come over and see the kids" or so-and-so "wants to come to your house and see the kids". AIBU to say that it would be a bit more polite to pretend that people occasionally wanted to see me (the children's mother) or do I have suck it up & accept that now I have reproduced I am secondary to the children. For background get on v well with some of the in-laws saying this & not so well with others.

NotMyMonkey Sat 14-Nov-15 20:09:52

My own dm does this. It drives me insane. Yanbu.

Sighing Sat 14-Nov-15 20:11:01

I've definitely reached - couldn't care less. On the flipside you can easily send them off to the park so you can watch a programme or have a cup of tea and you're just being supportive of the relationship. brewcake

GooseFriend Sat 14-Nov-15 20:22:26

Yep this winds me up too. Even more now we have two and they say they want to see dd. I know Ds is 'only' a year old bit surely they should at least pretend they wanna see both of them even if they blantently don't wanna see me and dh.

They then don't really play with them or totally wind them up. Maddening!

ssd Sat 14-Nov-15 20:26:02

I would love for someone other than dh and myself to say they want to see my kids

YABU

PaulAnkaTheDog Sat 14-Nov-15 20:26:34

No issue for me. Yabu and a bit precious imo.

Smartiepants79 Sat 14-Nov-15 20:30:29

Of course they want to see you but the little ones are new and changing all the time.
Just try and be happy that your children are so loved and wanted.

seasidesally Sat 14-Nov-15 20:31:25

yabu

moaning that your Mil wants to see her Granchildren,get a grip

FireflyGirl Sat 14-Nov-15 20:31:48

I think, Addicted, you have to accept that, to your in laws at least, you are far less interesting and cute than your progeny grin

I think it's something that people just say; I remember saying the same to my friends before I had DS. Then the little one would happily play whilst we gossiped.

Or, take them at their word. Open the door, point them in the direction of the little darlings, then put your feet up.

KeepOnMoving1 Sat 14-Nov-15 20:33:19

Yabu honestly get a grip. Not everything is to be taken as sinister!

munkisocks Sat 14-Nov-15 20:36:45

My mum went on about she missed me and it's not the baby she wanted to see but me, in a pathetic attempt to make out I'm daughter from hell for not visiting her daily whilst on maternity. I left baby at home with dad and went on my own. Cue "where's baby???!?!?". She does talk shite sometimes. YANBU!

Bavmorda Sat 14-Nov-15 20:38:06

I get what you mean OP.

I think the thing with inlaws, though, is that technically they don't want to see you - they want to see their grandchildren. Likewise most of us would rather see our own parents rather than our inlaws!

Tiggeryoubastard Sat 14-Nov-15 20:41:38

Yabu. I never thought anything when people said it to me. I've thought and yes, I say it now I'm a grandma. Of course I live to see my son and dil but hey, the kids are cuter and cuddlier.

winkywinkola Sat 14-Nov-15 20:41:46

It is bad manners to say that even if that's how they feel.

My pil have photos of my dcs and their other gcs covering every surface and wall of their house. They have one of h and none of me.

It's like we're edited out. I find it peculiar but not really a problem.

Addictedtocustardcreams Sat 14-Nov-15 20:45:32

Oh my goodness perhaps I should have ensured I wrote lighthearted in the subject! I definitely do not view this as sinister keeponmoving! I do not have such an over-inflated ego as to believe my in-laws would want to see me as much as the kids. I guess I was to some degree asking a question of etiquette.....should they at least try to seem pleased I am part of the package?

whooshbangprettycolours Sat 14-Nov-15 20:45:54

Oh good god, get over yourself. Thank the lord they are interested and accept you are not the centre of the world. Kids are always the focus.

Totally get it. We had a lot of this for the first few months after DD's birth.

PILs (on telephone): Hi, just checking you're in.
Me/DH: Yes, we're just...
PILs: <interrupting> Oh good, we'll be round in a few minutes.

Every. Single. Day. No consideration given to the possibility that we might actually have plans, we were merely here to provide daily entertainment.

Sometimes if we didn't answer the phone, they'd come round anyway & hammer on the door until the neighbours came out to stare. And ring, and ring and ring all our phones to find out where we were & why we weren't at home, waiting to entertain them.

Hence my username.

whooshbangprettycolours Sat 14-Nov-15 20:49:31

I should add my DM says this, but I know she loves me - I have 40+ years of experience - my kids thrive on the love and attention from Grandma, it's a positive force in their lives, from which I've already benefited.

DixieNormas Sat 14-Nov-15 20:49:56

All my family do it, eg haven't seen the kids for ages can I come over. Doesn't bother me at all, the dc are far cuter and sociable than me.

But seriously, it doesn't mean they don't want to see me

PresidentUnderwood Sat 14-Nov-15 20:49:54

I'm totally with you in this OP. My MIL has cheerfully airbrushed me out of her life & it's all about the 'kiddies' now. It's like I was the surrogate womb - pretty shit.

I remember a few years ago, one poster write of how her MIL had family photos taken with only 'blood' <creepy voice> relatives and no in laws were allowed. Fucking fruit loops te lot of them

whooshbangprettycolours Sat 14-Nov-15 20:53:10

oh 'lighthearted', oops grin I see what you mean grin. I think my kids are easier to love... they've had more sleep!

ShebaQueen Sat 14-Nov-15 21:09:51

ssd, your post made me feel really tearful, big hug for you

ssd Sat 14-Nov-15 21:18:27

thank you, it breaks my heart my kids have no grandparents alive and their aunties and uncles don't have any interest in them.

and they are great kids, bloody great.

StarkyTheDirewolf Sat 14-Nov-15 21:35:00

If it makes you feel any better..my dm comes to see the dogs grin

ShebaQueen Sat 14-Nov-15 21:38:45

ssd, I'm sure they are. My kids have no grandparents alive either and they miss out on that special relationship. I am sure your kids are just fine though with you to love them smile

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