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Feeling pissed off with changes to famil life?

(34 Posts)
passion4pno Sat 14-Nov-15 03:22:32

I probably am being unreasonable but feel frustrated anyway. Hubby has a mens group that meets on a Saturday morning. it's been going for a fromew years now and one of the members just got a new job so needs to change the day the group meets.
he works saturday and friday mornings now, that leaves evenings on Sondays.
Evenings will be hard as the kids have stuff on and we only have one car. I could walk to one of them and I said that would be ok except diner would be late that night. I don't want to use Sunday as we like to keep that day for family.
Just feeling pistsed.

NerrSnerr Sat 14-Nov-15 03:33:54

What's a men's group? Is it an actual thing or just a gathering of friends? Does he have to go every week? Could he do dinner before or after if you're out ferrying the children?

tillytown Sat 14-Nov-15 04:00:06

Can't they do it Saturday night after work?

passion4pno Sat 14-Nov-15 04:03:49

the could, but hubby thinks it won't work as people want to go out then. It's a time when a small group of every men get together weekly

echt Sat 14-Nov-15 05:11:45

Can he walk to the group?

NerrSnerr Sat 14-Nov-15 06:02:44

Could he walk or get the bus? Does your husband usually help with activities etc?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Sat 14-Nov-15 06:03:11

I do appreciate kids activities without a car and they should be first its it's easier for them. So yes either he walk or car pool/ gets a lift with other members and as its changing for one person I think it's a fair enough request that your husband can be accomadated because of the inconvenice the change is causing him.

Enjolrass Sat 14-Nov-15 06:54:20

He needs to arrange he own lift there. You need the car.

But that's not going to stop you being pissed off.

Personally I don't agree that having kids should mean giving up all hobbies. I do think that they need to fit in around family though.

He is essentially just meeting up with friends and calling it a hobby though, or that's what it sounds like.

If you are really unhappy with the change you need to speak to him.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sat 14-Nov-15 07:50:18

Is it an actual hobby or just a group of friends meeting? Not that the really matters as he's obviously allowed a social life, just trying to understand what a 'men's group' is.
What does he say when you tell him it's going to inconvenience you? Is there any other form of transport he can take?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Sat 14-Nov-15 07:57:13

For those asking about a men's group its not neseeserily a hobby I know of one that's actually on a Saturday morning it's connected to a church and the men get together and cook breakfast and "serve" each other and discuss their faith.

Women's group meets on a Thursday evening doing a similar thing obviously not breakfast but cooking together and sharing food and life.

passion4pno Sat 14-Nov-15 08:32:51

Thank you all.
I don't drive so using the car is not an option. I guess there's not much I can do.

NerrSnerr Sat 14-Nov-15 08:37:33

If you don't drive then I think he needs to put his family first and do the activities with you.

Enjolrass Sat 14-Nov-15 08:41:16

There is a lot you can do.

You can tell him that you feel Sunday night isn't good for your family.

Like he feels Saturday night won't suit other people, Sunday night doesn't suit you.

DoreenLethal Sat 14-Nov-15 08:42:58

* don't drive so using the car is not an option. I guess there's not much I can do.*

Tell your husband that he can't say 'how high' when his man friends says 'jump' as there are other things to consider. Those things are his family who have established routines and activities. So he needs to go back to his man friend and say 'that doesn't work for our family' - which he would have known about when it was mentioned as he is part of that family and it doesn't take a genius to work it out.

Clutterbugsmum Sat 14-Nov-15 08:47:34

To state the obvious why does the whole group need to change time just because ONE person can no longer make it.

Surely the man who can not make needs to find a new group and not disrupt loads of other family time.

amazonqueen Sat 14-Nov-15 09:10:22

Is it a question of timing ? You mention the kids having 'stuff' on and having dinner later if you walk to that. So presumably this will be early evening? So maybe Dh can attend the sunday evening group later ?

Grilledaubergines Sat 14-Nov-15 09:15:32

The man who can't make it loses out. No one else should have to re-jig their time.

doreen why "man" friends? Quite belittling.

Jftbo74 Sat 14-Nov-15 09:17:14

Can you tell them to do it after bedtime so that your DH can help out first?

Jftbo74 Sat 14-Nov-15 09:18:33

How far will you need to walk

MythicalKings Sat 14-Nov-15 09:20:04

He'll have to give up the group, then. If he doesn't he's an unreasonable prick.

Dontyouopenthattrapdoor Sat 14-Nov-15 09:23:39

Can't you just do your main Sunday meal at lunchtime? If the kids have activities anyway then Sunday evening already isn't family time? And maybe some weeks he could use the car, some weeks you could?

AutumnLeavesArePretty Sat 14-Nov-15 09:25:50

Why should he give it up though? Unless he has lots of other hobbies that the OP has not mentioned, once a week to do something for himself is not much to ask.

It's rare to have childrens clubs on on a Sunday evening, are there no other days they can do them?

I never understand the angst over family time. Family time doesn't need a set day or time, it's every day.

Fairenuff Sat 14-Nov-15 09:51:22

I don't understand how the conversation could have gone in your house OP.

HIM 'The mens group is going to change to Sunday afternoon because...'

YOU 'But how will the children get to their activities?'

HIM - What was his reply OP? Did he tell you to walk them there or what?

Enjolrass Sat 14-Nov-15 09:59:22

It's rare to have childrens clubs on on a Sunday evening, are there no other days they can do them?

My kids hobby is on most nights. However they like to go certain nights as they are friends with the other kids go those nights. I certainly wouldn't expect them to change to suit my hobby.

AgentProvocateur Sat 14-Nov-15 10:17:56

I'm reading this differently to everyone else. I think the DH said Saturday morning is no good, and the OP said weekday evenings are no good as the kids have things on and dinner would be late. So the only suitable time, when no one has anything on, is a Sunday evening, but the OP wanted to keep this as "family time".

If this is correct, YABU. It sounds like your DH spends his weekday evenings driving the DC to activities. You need to compromise - you can't ask him not to go in the week because you don't want to have a late dinner and walk, AND ask him not to go on a Sunday because you want family time.

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