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AIBU to think a sleepover is not the same as a babysit

(20 Posts)
peppajay Fri 13-Nov-15 18:28:02

My friend and I have a really good babysitting arrangement she looks after my kids of an evening and I return the favour by looking after hers. Has worked brilliantly for 4 years now. Her and her husband tend to go out more than us as her husband has a job where he is invited out with clients quite a lot. However this doesn't worry me at all that I probably babysit for her more than she does for me- in fact I really enjoy the chill time watching their TV and reading my book and no jobs to do so just tend to sit and chill, sometimes her 9 yr old is up and sometimes he isn't but either way it doesn't worry me.

Anyway she has suggested the last twice she has asked me to babysit that because they are often late past 1am and so I don't have to come out in the dark that wouldn't it be easier for her kids to come for a sleepover at mine- and then she collect them at 9am the next morning. AIBU to think NO - it will not be easier I find sleepovers so stressful because they don't sleep and usually someone ends up arguing with someone else. I said no last time and just did the normal babysit but ended up agreeing to having her kids tomorrow for a sleepover. She is completely and totally happy to have mine for a sleepover anytime- they have a huge house and lots of space which we don't - her husband particularly loves the whole entertaining kids malarky and because he has a very stressful job when he entertains kids he totally lets his hair down and is brilliant with them and my kids love him, so they absolutely adore sleepovers with them.

AIBU to think that a babysit generally take place at the house of children and not at the house of the babysitter?? She thinks I am being a bit off as she thinks as they are now older this is an excellent aleternative, but I hate it.

SparklyLeprechaun Fri 13-Nov-15 18:33:05

If you don't like sleepovers you don't like sleepovers, just tell her that. But she's got a point and many people would find it easier that way.

whois Fri 13-Nov-15 18:33:10

She thinks it's a great alternative because she doesn't have to deal with children early in he morning with a hangover and can swan in and pick them up after you e given them breakfast!

spanisharmada Fri 13-Nov-15 18:34:46

Personally I agree with her, but if you don't like it and don't want to do it then that's fair enough too.

treaclesoda Fri 13-Nov-15 18:36:45

Just explain to her that you find it too stressful. If you are good friends she will understand. Plenty of people would prefer to have the kids for a sleepover at their house than to spend the evening in someone else's house and it is entirely possible that she thought you might prefer it. But if you explain that you find it too much stress, then she should accept that.

This doesn't have to be an issue, just say that you are happy to continue to come to her house. She will still get her babysitting.

anothernumberone Fri 13-Nov-15 18:37:30

My mother is the opposite she is fab and regularly does sleep overs in her house but never in ours. I would consider it babysitting though.

EatShitDerek Fri 13-Nov-15 18:37:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tabulahrasa Fri 13-Nov-15 18:38:06

I'd just say to her, it's not easier for me actually...I don't mind having sleepovers when the DC want them, but if it's for babysitting I prefer to come and sit in yours, I find that a lot easier for me even coming back late than a sleepover.

BackforGood Fri 13-Nov-15 18:40:28

Like everyone else - once the dc are older, it sounds like a great alternative, and many people would prefer it.... you (as the sitter) don't have to go home at night in the dark and cold, you can sit and have a glass of wine or whatever in the evening, or have a long bath, or go to bed early or whatever takes your fancy. They (as the people who are out) don't have to clock watch for getting back for you, so everyone's a winner.

Having another child sleep at your house, needn't be a late night, giggly sleepover though.

However, Just as she is entitled to suggest it, you are just as entitled to say that no - you like sitting in someone else's house getting s bit of guilt free peace, and that the going home late at night doesn't bother you, but that you find sleepovers a bit stressful so would rather carry on as you are.

SO,, YANBU for not wanting to change, but she is NBU for thinking it's a good idea.

Pico2 Fri 13-Nov-15 18:41:19

Babysitting is much easier than a sleepover. Just tell her.

SaucyJack Fri 13-Nov-15 18:42:37

If you don't like sleepovers, then you don't like sleepovers.

She's not being unreasonable for liking a different arrangement though as she's more than willing to return the favour.

BlissfullyUnknown Fri 13-Nov-15 18:42:59

It's up to the individual who's looking after the children. If I'm asked to babysit the kids have to stay at mine but then I'm a single Mum and couldn't babysit any other way.

If you don't want them staying - they don't stay.

ravenAK Fri 13-Nov-15 18:43:44

I'm a big fan of sleepovers - dd2 currently has a mate over for the night, & they spend at least one weekend night together either here or at friend's. It's really handy for me to be able to farm the buggers out occasionally & I'm more than happy to have a random kid here - if it's a regular arrangement they settle down happily, none of this rampaging all night nonsense!

Having said that I have one friend who feels entirely as you do - she hates having kids overnight so turns down all overnight invitations for her dc so she doesn't have to reciprocate. Fair enough!

I'd just be honest & say you really don't like hosting but happy to continue babysitting. If she wants to find a sleepover buddy she's welcome to do so. Obviously you may then need a new babysitting chum yourself though...but no YANBU. It's just different needs/approaches.

peppajay Fri 13-Nov-15 18:45:36

I think maybe it is one of those each to their own things. We are all really great friends and wouldn't want to spoil that but I really don't like the sleepover thing - I will do it tomorrow and see how it goes. I just find that for some reason in my house that tired grumpy kids wind each up and they feel cooped up and I am usually tired by the end of the day that I don't have the energy. They are really good friends so hope she will understand and when we go out if she prefers the sleepovers she can have mine at hers but I am more than happy for her to sit at ours as we have done for many years.

TinklyLittleLaugh Fri 13-Nov-15 18:58:50

I think that the more sleepovers kids have, the less whipped up and giggly they tend to be about it all. You may find, if sleepovers became a fairly regular occurrence, that they would start to go to sleep not that much later than normal.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Fri 13-Nov-15 19:16:44

She inbu to ask and yanbu to say actually it's not easier for me.

carabos Fri 13-Nov-15 19:19:37

Try suggesting that it's you who sleeps over at her house - same outcome, they get to stay out late, you don't have to go home in the middle of the night. Bet she doesn't bite on that wink.

CuntryLiving Fri 13-Nov-15 21:42:08

I agree with her, I'd rather do the sleepover personally, although I know what you mean about the not sleeping try to unclench though. But like you say, each to their own - if babysitting at her house til 1am works better for you then just tell her you prefer that.

MillionToOneChances Fri 13-Nov-15 22:33:50

I prefer sleepovers but YANBU to offer your help in whatever way suits you.

amarmai Sat 14-Nov-15 02:08:58

she 's already getting more out of this arrangement than you and she shd not be pushing the boundaries to her even greater advantage. it's ok to stand up for yourself op. Try it- you'll feel great!

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