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to not send my girls on this school trip because of my beliefs

(943 Posts)
JustGiveMeTwoMinutes Fri 13-Nov-15 16:39:32

The trip is to a mosque and the girls (year 3 and 4) have to cover their heads with a scarf, the boys don't have to.

Just to be clear about where I am coming from, this is about a specific practice which I believe is discriminatory and therefore disagree with. I would not choose myself to enter a building that I could only enter if I wore particular clothes but where that requirement was limited to one gender or one group defined by arbitrary characteristics. I would be happy to cover my head as a sign of respect/tradition if everyone entering the building was required to do so.

They can make their own decision on this when they are adults.

Am I being ridiculous and petty or is it reasonable to stand up for my view that just because a custom is part of a religion that does not excuse it being discriminatory?

Moln Fri 13-Nov-15 16:41:30

If they boys had to cover up I take it you'd be fine with it?

Stick to your principles - yanbu

GruntledOne Fri 13-Nov-15 16:42:14

YABU. It's an educational visit, you're just showing respect to the people who worship there. Depriving your daughters of something that contributes to their education will achieve precisely nothing except harming them.

EatShitDerek Fri 13-Nov-15 16:43:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheLeavesAreTurningBrown Fri 13-Nov-15 16:44:37

Yes but gruntled she feels they are showing no respect to her daughters by virtue of being female and forcing them to wear a scarf.

cailindana Fri 13-Nov-15 16:44:58

YANBU. I don't see the point of learning about a religion that treats women like shit. I was brought up Catholic and while I will bring my children to churches to see them I won't expect any observation of any catholic practices - Catholicism is a hateful religion that deserves no respect.

MummaGiles Fri 13-Nov-15 16:45:11

YABU. How can you expect your children to become educated about different religions in order to make decisions about them when they are older (as you allude to in your OP) if you are going to deny them learning opportunities and first hand experience? Perhaps they will discuss the different ways men and women are expected to act with the children.

TheLeavesAreTurningBrown Fri 13-Nov-15 16:45:35

I also would never think my dc education affected in any way if they didnt enter a particular religious building, like mosque etc.

Chilledmonkeybrains Fri 13-Nov-15 16:46:04

Perhaps it would be a more valuable experience to let them go and see for themselves? Explain your view and let them go along and see how they feel about doing it.

TeenAndTween Fri 13-Nov-15 16:46:02

You can talk to them about your views (maybe afterwards so they don't go spouting them on the day). But religious tolerance and understanding where others are coming from is important, and learning about other religions is part of education.

JeffsanArsehole Fri 13-Nov-15 16:46:36

Are you quite sure?

Pre pubescent girls are not required to cover their hair

Secondary school girls usually do, which is fine and respectful. When I visit mosques abroad I'm happy to be respectful culturally.

Talkinpeace Fri 13-Nov-15 16:46:47

YANBU to be offended by it.

YABU to stop your kids seeing how offensive it is for themselves, even at a young age.

Let them go, let them learn for themselves.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Fri 13-Nov-15 16:47:48

Cailindana I luff you even more than usual for that post.

SoupDragon Fri 13-Nov-15 16:48:03

It's a scarf, not a full head to toe covering.

whatdoIget Fri 13-Nov-15 16:48:20

I knew before I opened the thread where the trip would be to and what your problem with it would be. Let them go. They don't have to convert and they might learn something.

Happyinthehills Fri 13-Nov-15 16:48:38

Back in the day when we visited a Catholic Church us girls had to cover our heads - would you feel the same if it was a visit to a Christian place of worship?

Toffeelatteplease Fri 13-Nov-15 16:48:40

I think you are right in many ways.

The problem is if you are going to learn about something the best way to do so is to be there and experience something.

So ultimately if you want to stand by your values you either have to be disrespectful or ignorant.

You could use it as an opportunity to explain why something is wrong, discuss ways to challenge prejudicial beliefs but also to teach respect for others

WorraLiberty Fri 13-Nov-15 16:49:00

You're being ridiculous and petty.

The children are taken to see the mosque, so they get to understand more about them.

There's every chance that she too will think it unfair that she had to cover her head, and the boys didn't.

So she will have experienced it first hand and learnt from it, won't she?

There are many things I disagree with, but that doesn't mean I don't want to learn more about them.

TheLeavesAreTurningBrown Fri 13-Nov-15 16:49:46

But religious tolerance and understanding where others are coming from is important, and learning about other religions is part of education

Op perhaps you can use it for your own educational device as to how archaic and out of date such practices as separating men and women at worship are. How its staggering such discrimination is allowed in our country. And that there are respected scholars who also believe there is no place for it, in Islam.

You could also point out the architecture, religious buildings usually have nice architecture. smile

WorraLiberty Fri 13-Nov-15 16:50:09

Back in which day Happyinthehills?

I was raised as a Catholic and never had to cover my head in church.

cailindana Fri 13-Nov-15 16:50:12

How does accepting disrespect from men educate girls? All it teaches them is that with the right excuse, ie religion, they can legitimately be treated as second class citizens. Great lesson.

Clawdy Fri 13-Nov-15 16:50:25

I have taken several groups of children to visit mosques,and the girls have never been asked to cover their heads. Puzzled by this.

PacificDogwod Fri 13-Nov-15 16:50:40

On balance I think YABU although I understand and don't entirely disagree with your argument.

But as a one off trip I'd let them go.
Your reasons for not letting them go would go over their heads and all they would see is not being allowed on a fun trip that everybody else is going on.

Wrt 'religious building' in general, much as I don't have a religious bone in my body, there is not doubt that various world religions have built/are determining the world around us. I find learning about religion fascinating and important - religion is different from faith IMO.

TheLeavesAreTurningBrown Fri 13-Nov-15 16:50:48

happy I would yes. And it was as you say - back - in - the - day.

The old day when many things were accepted that would not be now.

SirChenjin Fri 13-Nov-15 16:51:18


Hell would have to freeze over before I or my daughter covered our heads in the name of some religion.

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