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to say I no longer want to pick up 'friend's' daughter once a week?

(72 Posts)
EnoughAlready999 Thu 12-Nov-15 14:39:20

(Ironfloor's thread inspired me to post)

An acquintance of mine, who used to be a closer friend and who's DD used to be close friends with mine, asked me back in early September if I could pick up her DD once a week and drop to school. I agreed but now it has got a bit annoying because of traffic and roadworks - she lives 2 miles away on the other side of the city centre, school is 1.7 miles away. She didn't want to rely on her ex to pick her up and her older daughter goes to college although is strangely still there when I pick up. Just got fed up now - never get a thank you from mother or daughter, let alone petrol money (£1 would be nice). Last week, daughter was ill and not going to school - did they tell me? No! Waited til I turned up angry

I don't like feeling resentful so thought it best to let her know I'm not willing to continue which I did this morning by text after she texted me "don't forget to pick up x". Cheeky cow.

I feel a bit unreasonable - am I?

Catnuzzle Thu 12-Nov-15 14:42:58


WilsonWilsonWoman Thu 12-Nov-15 14:43:33


ImperialBlether Thu 12-Nov-15 14:44:27

No way. That was all her message said? She's taking advantage of you.

fuzzywuzzy Thu 12-Nov-15 14:44:38


Just text back, arrangement is not working for me, I am no longer available to do school runs for you.

PinkSquash Thu 12-Nov-15 14:45:07

God no. YADNBU

Pipestheghost Thu 12-Nov-15 14:46:28

Yanbu, stop it now.

CurlyCustard Thu 12-Nov-15 14:46:28


gandalf456 Thu 12-Nov-15 14:48:00

The only thing I would have done differently would have been to give her a bit of notice. However, I got involved in pick ups with another parent once and would never do it again. It works fine when everyone's well and getting on but it is a nuisance after a while when the kids start squabbling, you have to get up earlier, go home later, rearrange when people are sick etc, their child gets over familiar and cheeky. I figure, if I can get my child to school most days, so can everyone else. If they need a regular arrangement, they should pay for it like I would. I would never ask as a regular favour - only as a one off if I were ill or had an appointment or something. I don't mind returning favours under similar circumstances either.

Shakey15000 Thu 12-Nov-15 14:48:19

YANBU, cheek.

VimFuego101 Thu 12-Nov-15 14:48:26

No, they were rude to let you drag yourself over there when she wasn't even going to school. I would just give them reasonable notice (a couple of weeks maybe) that it's no longer convenient for you.

Bimblywibble Thu 12-Nov-15 14:49:07

Of course YANBU. I do similar, it is completely up to me if I want to stop.

However I would give a few weeks' warning, myself. Not because I'm obliged to, but because I'm nice like that grin

Arfarfanarf Thu 12-Nov-15 14:49:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeasinPod1 Thu 12-Nov-15 14:50:13

OP no YADNBU!!! Oh my word, why would you go so out of your way for someone so blatantly rude. Think of yourself, and your DD, save the time, stress and cost it takes to help this ungrateful cow out to get ready in more leisurely time yourselves. I'd actually text again and say- just to confirm, this current arrangement will be stopping on Friday/next week, so its in your best interest to have sorted alternative arrangements by then, thanks.

If she ever asks why, tell her- the time and money its costing you has become too much.

Bimblywibble Thu 12-Nov-15 14:51:59

Actually scrub that, if I never got a thank you I'd probably get hacked off and do the same.

EnoughAlready999 Thu 12-Nov-15 14:52:21

Her text said "don't forget to pick up x this morn, any probs ring home. Please is there anything I can do to make up for these school runs"

The only thing she offers is having my DD for tea but they are not close friends like they used to be so my DD doesn't want to. I'm enabling her to go to work so why doesn't she just offer me a couple of quid ffs?! Or be a bit more grateful at least!

If it was me and I couldn't get my ex, older DD or GPs to help. I'd be changing my bloody hours so I could get my DD to school! She has her priorities all wrong.

SocksRock Thu 12-Nov-15 14:54:04


A friend of mine asked if I could have her twins after school once a week as she is a TA and has to run an after school club once a week. She pays me £10/week for 90 minutes care for the girls. As they are friends with my kids, I often do tea as well but that is always my choice and she always waits to be asked if they want to stay - never assumes, and would be totally happy if I said it didn't suit one week for any reason. Always thank you, and always makes the girls say thank you as well. I will do this almost indefinitely as I don't feel taken advantage of, and it works for everyone concerned.

Yours just sounds like someone taking advantage, I'm sorry to say.

Bimblywibble Thu 12-Nov-15 14:59:48

TBF she asked what you want in return. What's the worst that could happen if you actually andwered the question? Still that's a moot point now.

Penguito Thu 12-Nov-15 15:01:21

Yanbu, I have a 'friend' like this too

KinkyAfro Thu 12-Nov-15 15:02:01

Bit of a drip feed there OP, why didn't you just say it would be nice if she offered some petrol money?

EnoughAlready999 Thu 12-Nov-15 15:02:55

i replied "I'll do it today but not happy to continue if I'm honest as its out of my way and a pain when traffic is busy. Why don't you get older DD to walk her to nearby schoolfriend's? I'm sure her parents wouldn't mind. Or ask ex or your dad."

I do still feel a bit bad as its only a little bit further to drive and costs pence in petrol, that's why I didn't mind originally. But knowing that older DD is lazing around upstairs and not going to college plus the sheer lack of appreciation just makes me too angry. The schoolfriend I've suggested she ask lives a 3 minute walk away from them, its on the way to school and they seem to be good friends nowadays anyway so the obvious choice for me. I suggested it on 22/9 (looking back at texts) but she'd obviously rather go the easy option - me. Grr!

Bimblywibble Thu 12-Nov-15 15:06:31

I don't thnk you need to be suggesting other parents she can ask. How would you like it if they said "why don't you ask EnoughAlready? She drives so it'll be easier for her"

comingintomyown Thu 12-Nov-15 15:06:42

Hang on she offered to do something to make up for the runs ? That's a bit different then isn't it , why didn't you just say you would like petrol money ? Fair enough if you want to stop regardless but don't think they did anything wrong

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 12-Nov-15 15:07:11

Please is there anything I can do to make up for these school runs is not unappreciative. And the older sibling's laziness isn't really anything to do with you. Someone used the phrase, "policing other people's virtue" on another thread and I think it fits.

If you don't want to do it, don't. But I don't think she's been U.

EnoughAlready999 Thu 12-Nov-15 15:08:31

I feel uncomfortable asking for money. If someone was picking up my DD from my house, I would definitely offer money and would always be checking that it wasn't an inconvenience to them.

After last week and not telling me she was ill I wouldn't do it for money anyway.

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