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To want to have my DD with me at Christmas, just once?

(174 Posts)
wasonthelist Thu 12-Nov-15 12:38:43

This will be 4th Christmas since we split. I ask if dd could have Christmas at my house (at least wake up here) every year. Ex refuses every year.

wasonthelist Thu 12-Nov-15 12:40:27

I haven't resorted to lawyers etc because I don't want a big war that'll upset dd and (tbh) cost a lot fro probably no result.

icanteven Thu 12-Nov-15 12:41:30

Which one of you has primary custody? Has it been determined legally, or is it an ad hoc arrangement between you? It stands to reason that holidays should be shared and alternated. One year on, one year off.

Unless he has been awarded Christmases by the court, surely you just inform him that this year she is staying with you, and you will drop her off on the 26th or whenever?

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 12-Nov-15 12:41:38

Who does she live with?

Enjolrass Thu 12-Nov-15 12:42:07

Every other year is fair so Yanbu.

Unless you have another event? Like her birthday every year?

I think you should get legal help and have an agreement set out properly.

Enjolrass Thu 12-Nov-15 12:42:49

Sorry I based my answer on you being 50:50.

Does she live with you or ex?

LagunaBubbles Thu 12-Nov-15 12:44:10

YANBU. One year each is the only fair way to manage this. Why does your ex refuse?

MidnightVelvetthe4th Thu 12-Nov-15 12:44:52

The usual thing is to share Christmas. If it helps then my ex husband & I alternate Christmas & birthdays so this year I have the DC for Christmas & he has had them for birthdays. Next year we will swap. It means that both parents get their fair share of special moments.

Why on earth are you asking him?! He doesn't get to decide, you don't need his permission! Tell him that you are having DD this year & he is able to have her next time & that from now on the access to special days will be fairly split between you both.

Gruntfuttock Thu 12-Nov-15 12:45:27

What is the reason for your ex's refusal? That is surely relevant. After all, for all we know you might have form for getting blind drunk. Not enough information, sorry.

BarbarianMum Thu 12-Nov-15 12:47:36

If you are not the RP then you may have to go to court to sort this out. In which case try and sort out other holiday arrangements, birthdays etc at the same time.

ILiveAtTheBeach Thu 12-Nov-15 12:58:08

Who made your Ex the boss? My Ex used to try to manipulate me all the time. I put my foot down! I suggest you do the same!

TempusEedjit Thu 12-Nov-15 13:04:09

Do you mean your ex refuses every year to let your DD wake up with you on Christmas morning?

Or do you mean that you want to have your DD with you on Christmas morning every year and your ex is refusing?

TempusEedjit Thu 12-Nov-15 13:05:22

Sooty ignore me I misread your thread title, yes every other year is the norm, I believe the court would back this.

TempusEedjit Thu 12-Nov-15 13:05:58

Sorry not Sooty ffs!

TheCrimsonPleb Thu 12-Nov-15 13:07:27

Why does he/she refuse to share Christmas?

abbieanders Thu 12-Nov-15 13:08:33

Well of course it should be alternated if there's no Christmas based lunacy to protect the child from (such as an unalterable tradition of getting smashed on Christmas Eve) but I can understand not wanting to share. Everyone wants to be with their baby at Christmas. That doesn't make it right, though.

abbieanders Thu 12-Nov-15 13:14:17

Also, you're not fooling anyone with sex neutral ops.

wasonthelist Thu 12-Nov-15 13:16:16

There is no luncacy/drunkeness etc at Christmas or any other time.I have sort of let this happen I suppose. Dd lives with ex, they moved out just before the first Christmas. Ex refuses to discuss or give reasons, just responds to my request each year saying dd will spend christmas there. I have no faith in the law - it would surely be costly and ex could ignore it anyway. More importantly, I don't want to put dd through it - ex will tell her all about if I do. Ex already ignores my requests not to discuss this kind of stuff in front of dd.

Our arrangements are therefore ad-hoc.

wasonthelist Thu 12-Nov-15 13:17:05

Also, you're not fooling anyone with sex neutral ops
What's your point?

SimLondon Thu 12-Nov-15 13:21:11

where does your dd want to spend christmas?

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe Thu 12-Nov-15 13:21:31

Is someone obliged to announce whether they are a man or a woman at the start of each thread so people can adjust their reactions accordingly abbie ?

It's irrelevant isn't it? This is a parent who whether he/she has
P R or not, would like to see his/her child for Christmas at least one year in four. For all you know this could be a same sex relationship. That would really fuck with the heads of Mumsnet when deciding which did to pick, would it?

Pipestheghost Thu 12-Nov-15 13:22:21

It's reasonable that it is shared, one year with you and one with ex. Does your dd have an opinion on this?
It must be very tough for you, I would hate this.
Your ex couldn't ignore it if you had a proper agreement through the courts.

Jux Thu 12-Nov-15 13:24:23

Why on earth won't you go to a solicitor? Get a contact schedule? What is stopping you?

abbieanders Thu 12-Nov-15 13:25:21

* Is someone obliged to announce whether they are a man or a woman at the start of each thread so people can adjust their reactions accordinglyabbie?*

Nope. I think the careful disguising of the sex of the person implies that the op believes that the women posting here will automatically agree with women and disagree with men. I think it's fairly demeaning towards the women who post here and bad faith.

BobblyQuim Thu 12-Nov-15 13:27:00

Ad-hoc meaning you rarely bother to see your dd and then expect to have her for Christmas Day just because it suits you?

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