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Or is it that dds teacher is being unreasonable?

(58 Posts)
Stepawayfromthecake71 Thu 12-Nov-15 12:20:19

Ok, so it's a bit complicated. My dd is 7 and in year 2. She's a bright girl, vety articulate and confident. She has an older brother who is 11. DS is a lovely boy who has high functioning ASD. Although his autism is quite mild, it can sometimes be overwhelming and dd often bears the brunt of his behaviour. The school she is now at is her third school - her first school was highly regarded, dd started in reception very well but it all quickly went down hill, a long story but it turned out she was being bullied (three head injuries in a week, coming out of school crying so much she couldn't speak etc) school didn't give a shit so I moved her. Her next school was much nicer, she was happy, but then DH got a new job which meant a move to new area. So that what happened. Her school now is very rural, there are only five other girls in her year group. She's settled in well and is very happy there. So we went to parents evening yesterday, teacher said dd was doing well academically blah blah blah! But then said she speaks too loudly. I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing sad I pointed out her background ie third school ,previously bullied, autistic sibling. Teacher said 'I suppose that explains it' no one has ever said that about her and it's certainly not something I've noticed.she just a normal nice little girl. I foolishly mentioned it to dd (I know, I wish I hadn't angry) dd was crestfallen. I'm obviously cross with myself for mentioning it to dd. So AIBU to be pissed off? Is it fair criticism or is teacher out of line?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 12-Nov-15 12:23:23

Its very common, my eldest does it to a point of almost shouting. They do need to calm it down.

NoSquirrels Thu 12-Nov-15 12:23:45

Well, has anyone else ever noticed it? It would be very noticeable in a smaller school if she is used to having to shout for attention (is her brother v. loud? Otherwise I am not sure why you've mentioned his ASD?)

One of my Dc is very loud. I find it noticeable, and others do pick up on it - it is an attention thing, but also possibly we are going to test hearing. Did the teacher offer any strategies or suggest it affected the class negatively. Or was it just really a throwaway comment?

ILiveAtTheBeach Thu 12-Nov-15 12:24:02

YABU. It's irrelevant that she's at her 3rd school. That's not her Teachers fault. If she's talking during class, and so loud she's disrupting the other pupils, then of course you had to tell your DD, so that she can pipe down a bit.

Enjolrass Thu 12-Nov-15 12:27:38

I really don't see what her background has to do with her speaking loudly.

Yabu because this has upset you so much. My ds speaks loud. It's just him. We are working on it and he is much better.

No child is perfect and if that's the worst thing to be said about her, I think that's pretty great.

It sounds like she is putting pressure on herself to be perfect, if it's upset her too.

Make sure she doesn't feel the pressure from you too.

BarbarianMum Thu 12-Nov-15 12:28:57

??? The teacher pointed out a fairly minor issue and now you think she's being unreasonable and your dd's devastated? Or could it be that your dd just needs to practise regulating her volume a little?

The teacher said your dd was a nice little girl who is doing well at school. That was the main message. YABU to assume it is a problem if she's not perfect.

Twowrongsdontmakearight Thu 12-Nov-15 12:29:19

I'm very loud too. My normal volume is obviously louder than most and DS reckons I don't need a phone...I sympathise with your DD. We just have to remind ourselves to tone it down a bit in a quiet room. (On the other hand I've found it great for public speaking as an adult).

Tell your DD it's not a criticism of her as a person at all. It's just a quieter environment at the new school. (Might also just be that particular teacher's ears!).

EmmaGellerGreen Thu 12-Nov-15 12:29:47

It's hardly a major problem is it? And why on earth wouldn't you share the teacher's feedback with her? It's not as if you've been told that suddenly she isn't doing well.

redskybynight Thu 12-Nov-15 12:31:49

I think you're being oversensitive. You say that the teacher said she was settling in well socially and academically and is happy. Then she pointed out one thing to work on (speaking too loudly). I'm not sure why you think it is a huge criticism? Or why DD does - I'm sure DD is aware that some children in her class are very loud and some hardly speak at all - so it's totally relevant to have it pointed out to her that she needs to think about the volume of how she's speaking.

SaucyJack Thu 12-Nov-15 12:32:22

Is she very loud? It's a fair comment if she is.

My oldest shouts at home, and then my middle one does it in response. Apparently neither of them do it school, but if it was brought up at parents' evening I don't think I'd be offended. It's just something to look out for and remind her about every now and again. Most people have one annoying habit or another.

swashbucklecheer Thu 12-Nov-15 12:32:18

Have you had her hearing checked? It could be something like glue ear making her loud. You might be so used to her volume that you haven't noticed that it may be louder than it should be.

PurpleDaisies Thu 12-Nov-15 12:35:28

I think your bad experiences at the other school have made you a little over sensitive. If your daughter is too loud, she needs to learn to quieten down a bit. That's not a criticism-it is just something to work on. Lots of kids are the same. Just encourage her to think about her volume and she'll get it. Surely it's better to sort it out now?

It might be worth considering getting her hearing checked if you notice any problems with getting her attention-some people compensate for not hearing themselves talking but getting very loud.

blankblink Thu 12-Nov-15 12:42:53

Have her hearing checked, then practise using her 'indoor voice'

We were at a friend's the other day and her DH was recounting a funny tale. Afterwards my dd said that friend's DH should have used his 'indoor voice'. It's the first time I've heard that expression, maybe it's taught in schools?

ChunkyPickle Thu 12-Nov-15 12:50:32

Oh goodness, both DP and me can get a bit loud - especially when happy/enthusiastic (and 7 year olds can be pretty enthusiastic)

We have a gesture we can discreetly signal the other one with (a turn it down - miming a volume knob - oh, I suppose kids won't know what that is!).

Make sure she knows that being loud is an adorable thing about her, that you love her confidence, and then teach her about indoor voices and come up with a signal (always given with a huge, proud, grin)

Then suggest that perhaps she should be the narrator at the nativity :D Loud, clear voices definitely have their uses!

NotMyMonkey Thu 12-Nov-15 12:56:31

Ds1 is very loud. There doesn't seem to be any 'reason' for his loudness, it's just the way he is. He also talks really fast. I often have to remind him to slow down or lower the volume! It's not a criticism, just something that DD needs to be aware of.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Thu 12-Nov-15 12:59:53


In a small group, loudness is more noticeable. It could be a sign of a hearing issue but more likely her previous experience and personality. It's neither good or bad, in itself. A good clear speaking voice is something some kids struggle to develop for years. Likewise, your daughter may need to develop an indoor voice. It's very common.

BrianButterfield Thu 12-Nov-15 13:03:04

A loud student in a room - even an accidentally loud one - means other people start to talk louder to make themselves heard and then everyone gets loud. I have a Y8 group like this and it's maddening - they're not badly behaved but it's SO LOUD all the time. It's reasonable of her to point this out.

Sunnyminimalist2 Thu 12-Nov-15 13:03:33

So she talks too loudly. I'm sure it's nothing to do with her brother or attending 3 schools. Some kids are too loud. Some families are too loud. It can be annoying.

PaulAnkaTheDog Thu 12-Nov-15 13:05:27

Sorry, why do you think the teacher is being unreasonable? I'm at a loss here.

Your daughter is too loud and the teacher told you. What's wrong with that?


IsabellaofFrance Thu 12-Nov-15 13:08:27

As someone who has a very loud 7 year old, and an older DS with ASD, I think you need to look at the situation objectively.

She is loud, the teacher explained it to you. id you ask the teacher how she was managing it?

pocketsaviour Thu 12-Nov-15 13:23:45

Unless the teacher finished that sentence "... and therefore I'll be requiring her to wear a muzzle" you are massively over-reacting.

It was a factual observation. It would be useful for your DD to learn to regulate her volume, otherwise she risks being known as "Foghorn" in future years.

JohnCusacksWife Thu 12-Nov-15 13:27:06

What does her background have to do with her speaking loudly? confused

crispytruffle Thu 12-Nov-15 13:32:03

my 8 year old although placid and reserved in personality, he has a very loud speaking voice and it quite a chatter box. His dad is the same, loud voice that seems to travel! So I think he has just inherited it from him! One of my DSs teachers did mention it during a parents evening once "he has a very loud voice" I actually then went and had his hearing checked out. I think she raised it with me because she also had concerns he may have hearing issues! But all was fine. I don't think you should take it so personally, it is good to get a picture of what children are like in class? I knew my son spoke loudly at home but didn't realise it was so noticeable in his class room. I was able then to talk about it with him.

ZoeTurtle Thu 12-Nov-15 13:35:05

I wish some of my colleagues had had this teacher. smile I can understand why you're sensitive about this 'criticism' but it really wasn't harsh or unreasonable of the teacher.

reni2 Thu 12-Nov-15 13:38:21

Your dd was crestfallen? She will need to learn to take minor criticism.

"Hey dd, teacher says you are doing really well. She thinks you're talking a bit loudly, maybe you could try and use your indoor voice at school? And well done for doing so well at school."

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